A Farewell to Arms

I sat next to her bed and took her hand. She didn't stir. I began to silently weep. Time passed and I wept until I had nothing left.

It was several hours later that she made a small noise and her eyelids fluttered. The machines sensed whatever was going on and they began to chatter.

Two nurses appeared. They began fiddling with things, changing the frequency of the drip and then one left to call the doctor.

I continued to sit there with red rimmed eyes, holding her hand. Then the other nurse left. I had no idea where she was going and it didn't matter.

Catherine opened her eyes. She smiled at me and said weakly, "My love." I said, "Shhhhhh you're in good hands and they are going to get you through this."

She looked sad and said, "No they aren't. I have been around enough death. And I can feel myself slipping away"

Then there was a pause while she gathered her strength and she whispered, "But I wanted to talk to you one last time. I want you to promise me that you will find somebody to love when I am gone. I love you more than life itself and I can't stand the thought of you being alone."

She started to slip back into unconsciousness. Then she brought herself back by sheer force of will. It was like the uninjured Catherine was looking at me. She focused those powerful emerald green eyes on me and said, "PROMISE ME!!"

What could I say, I promised her.

She got a look of peace and satisfaction on her face and said, "Good." Her eyes slowly closed and the melodramatic sound of the flat-line counterpointed every single alarm in the monitoring array.

The doctor and nurses came rushing in at once. The doctor put two fingers on Catherine's neck and said, "Pronounced at 2:19 AM."

I got it!! Shit happens!! Was I so special that I should expect anything else!!??? I turned and ran out of the ICU and down the labyrinth of halls to my car. The rain was coming down in sheets. And the lightning and thunder was almost continuous.

I fell to my knees in the parking lot and just shrieked at the sky, "I GIVE UP... YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH... YOU WON!!"

Epilogue

Hospital security caught up with me lying crying uncontrollably face down in a puddle. It was almost too laughably corny; A former nerd getting so emotional that he would have a complete breakdown right there in the middle of a hospital parking lot.

They picked me up like a wet noodle and deposited me in an admitting room. The same doctor who I had just so theatrically departed from gave me a couple of shots. And the next thing I knew it was morning and I was lying in a conventional hospital bed.

They let me go home after a long conversation with the doc and the hospital shrink. They decided that I wouldn't harm myself. I wasn't going to live without her for one second longer than I had to. But I was playing the long game.

Her parents and I buried her in a lovely little Norman Church overlooking the Wiltshire Downs.

Catherine lay in her coffin with my exquisite little Britannia in her arms. The baby was dressed in the frilly white-lace baptismal gown that we had made specially for her.

Both of them were the essence of divine beauty. For a change I didn't break down. I had shed my last tear.

The next day I contacted my handlers at NSA Harrogate and told them that I would be more than happy to take their contract as long as they would guarantee me permanent duty in Afghanistan.

I had considered the Green Zone but it has gotten too tame in Iraq for what I had in mind.

I demanded that I be allowed to set up my operation at FOB Fenty in Jalalabad. The international presence has seriously drawn down since Operation Resolute Support was launched in 2014. But JSOC and the CIA still have a presence there. And it is beyond a doubt the most hazardous location in the entire Country.

They run ops into the tribal areas on the other side of the border in Pakistan from there. And in return the Taliban would like nothing better than to wipe that particular FOB off the face of the earth. It seemed like an ideal spot for my plan to come to fruition.

Because it is at the junction of two rivers, Jalalabad is a quasi-paradise compared to most of that godawful place. But it is still in the 100s five months a year. And it is close enough to the Pakistan border that every Haji and T-Man bad actor eventually shows up there.

I was living in a CHU - not "shoe" - a containerized-housing-unit. In that climate it was like sleeping in an Easy Bake oven. But I didn't think I would be there very long.

We were setting up improved Ka-band links to guide the drone strikes in the Khyber region. These strikes are the ones that you never hear about. The really bad guys like to lurk over there. And we like to drop the occasional Hellfire on THEM. It's kind of a hide-and-go-seek game played for keeps.

That actually takes place in Pakistan, which is supposedly one of our allies. So the U.S,'s ability to do that is facilitated by my black arts. And I did not have an ounce of regret about the death and dismemberment that I was dealing out over there. I had felt nothing since I closed Catherine's coffin.

I had spent my entire life trying to avoid life threatening situations. Now I was actively seeking them out. But I was still getting no satisfaction. So, I would frequently venture outside the wire to buy stuff at the local Haji-marts - just to tempt fate.

The gate to FOB Fenty is usually manned by a squad and a couple of Humvees. You can drive them across to seal the entrance. One of the Humvees normally has a 50-cal on top and the other has some kind of TOW launcher. The Taliban had made a concerted attack on that base several years ago and that kind of vigilance is just necessary.

On the day in question I was wandering back from my latest expedition into Haji-land. I had a two-month old Playboy tucked under my arm. That was the most recent I could find. Of course I only buy it for the Pulitzer Prize winning authors.

I saw her out of the corner of my eye. She was walking determinedly toward the gate and the crowd of people around it. She was in the Berka that Haji women wear for things like shopping. So I could see her eyes. Those eyes told me all I needed to know.

I began to sprint in her direction yelling "PSB!!" That is grunt talk. We all understand what It means, "Potential Suicide Bomber."

I tackled the woman from behind. And then I got on top of her as she struggled beneath me. It was probably 50-50 odds that she would get to the detonation cord before I could disarm her. And as usual I lost. There was unbearable heat and a blinding white flash.

Then the picture reoriented like somebody had shifted the camera. I suddenly found myself standing on one side of the gate area watching all sorts of military incident response types descend on it.

There was a bloody mess lying in front of the gate but nobody besides those two people had been hurt.

It was actually very eerie. I couldn't feel the oppressive Afghan heat any more. And I couldn't hear any of the sounds that the emergency vehicles were making. In fact, it was perfectly quiet and peaceful. It was very confusing.

Then I saw a mass of copper colored hair on a lissome body.

I was standing behind her. She had one hand on her hip as she was surveying the pile of raw meat that had formerly been two people. She shook her head in mock exasperation. Then she dropped her arm and turned slowly toward me. And I knew that my mission was finally accomplished.

She strolled toward me with that secret smile on her delectable lips. We came together for one of her incredible kisses. Then she pushed herself back and said laughingly, "When I told you to find somebody to love I didn't mean for you to do it like THIS." And she gestured toward the larger of the two pieces of well-cooked meat.

Then she added with a brilliant smile, "But I guess you just can't help being a hero."

I said, "I'm no hero. My gruesome death frightened me to death. That's why I had to do it this way."

She laughed and said, "Well, whatever the reason, we have each other for eternity now. And it is time for me to take you home."

She took my hand and walked toward a big portal, which had suddenly appeared in front of us. She was chatting amiably as we walked. She said conversationally, "You are really going to love little Britannia. She is gorgeous and she says she really misses her daddy."

All I could think of was, "I'm really going to like heaven."