Dark as Daylight Ch. 07

Jemma laughed so hard it hurt. She couldn't believe her 16-year-old son was that far behind the normal sexual language used in day-to-day banter.

"You're right Gwen, it is time for my little boy to a little knowledge above and below his belt. It could be a disadvantage to him, when he gets into the business world. I didn't realize he was so sheltered from it in China. Would you look online to see if there is a book on what he needs to know in this area?"

"There is a book on everything else, there should be a book on this. I'll take a look. I better go see what's happening with my husband, who probably think I'm looking at his life insurance policies."

"That would be interesting, because he doesn't have any."

"I know that, you know that, do you really think he does?"

"Probably not. I'll go with you and apologize."

"Don't you dare apologize. Call him a wimp for not being able to defend himself against the girl. Wait until you hear his excuses."

*****************

"Dad, I have both arms and both legs still attached."

"I'll take care of it first thing in the morning."

"William, I'm concerned about viruses do you think our son may get any?"

"There's not a chance in hell of that happening. Even though you beat up Junior quite convincingly, I think a bacterial infection would be the only thing to worry about."

"Good, as long as we understand one another."

"Why is it when you two talk to one another, I always feel like you are talking Greek to me?"

"It's very normal for your age Patrick. You're no longer a boy, but not yet a fully grown man. You have a photographic memory, but that does not mean you have a full audio-graphic memory. So while you're working with one part of your brain, the other is not quite up to speed. It becomes confused in the temporal lobe of your brain, and it sounds garbled to you."

"You just did it again. I have no idea what you meant. If William wasn't lying on the floor with a pillow under his head, and a blanket covering him, I would swear mom beat me up and not him."

Jemma said, "I could arrange that willingly."

"I didn't do anything wrong. He sent you into the safe room naked. Just because I didn't close my eyes when you told me to, doesn't put the blame on me. Gwen and dad stood in front of you so I didn't get to see anything, AGAIN. It's going to be the story of my life."

"Go ahead Pat, don't be a weenie, ask her."

"Ask me what Patrick?"

"Move over William, I'm about to join you."

"If Gwen is taunting you, you are in trouble."

"Come on Patrick out with it."

"Okay, but mom, when you hit me, you can hurt me but don't kill me."

"Why would I do either of those. If Gwen knows about this, it can't be all that bad."

"I just know this is bad news."

"Come on son, man up, and spit it out."

"Okay. I said to Gwen 'I love you.' She said, 'I don't care how much you love me, you're not getting into my pants.' I asked her, 'Why would I want to get into your pants?'

Jemma went into her laughing act, but it was overtaken by William Senior and Junior.

Patrick looked around at the three of them and could not believe it.

"What the hell is so funny about that?"

"Come here Patrick."

He went to his mother, who cradled him in her arms.

"Honey, we have kept you from the real world for far too long. When Gwen said, 'You're not getting into my pants, 'it had a sexual meaning.' It meant she was not going to have sex with you. It had nothing to do with her slacks."

"Why don't people just say what they mean? If you don't want to have sex with me, don't talk about your pants, just say so."

"What happens if you're in a group of people, and you don't want to speak openly about that possibility. It's nicer, and more comfortable between 2 people to say I'm not going to let you into my pants, then to say, I'm not going to let you fuck me, while you're in public."

"Does that go for all sexual acts?"

"Yes, it does."

"Okay, I think I have it now. Thanks mom."

"Your welcome baby."

"Now that you're finished coddling the runt of the litter, will someone help me up?"

"When did Angela say you were allowed to get up?"

"Sometime next Tuesday. Help me up please, or I will have to do it myself."

"Angela, when is this idiot of mine allowed up?"

"Is he still lying down, looking for sympathy? He was allowed up 40 minutes ago."

"Get your ass up William, before I give Angela another chance to stop the bleeding. Your insurance policy says if you bleed to death, due to any cause, I get double. Thank you for putting that in for me. I thought it was in case of one of those horrific diseases from Africa, like Ebola, but a kick to your ear would do just as well."

"Mom, remind me to cancel that policy."

"Tomorrow is a holiday; I'll do it Tuesday."

"Thank you very much; I'm beginning to believe I married a gold digger."

"You did, and now that I'm pregnant with your child, I get 50% of everything, plus child support, and alimony for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for being a great provider."

"Dad!"

"That will teach you to push a woman to the ground."

"She tripped me."

"That's not what the bystanders said, and then you proceeded to have sex with her in front of them."

"We did not have sex, it just looked that way."

"Gwen is that the way you saw it?"

"I'm not sure I saw it dad, but I sure felt it."

"You're lying; you know you're lying."

"If I didn't hear mom and dad go through this day after day, I would say Gwen's marriage to you was doomed. However, knowing what goes on between the two of them, it looks like you two are going to be together for nearly 90 years. Congratulations William you picked yourself a winner, and she is going to ride you forever and a day."

"It will happen to you one-day Pat, and while I'm standing next to you as your best man, I will be reciting these little tidbits of wisdom into your ear. I will remind you how wonderful love truly is."

"Who said you were going to be my best man?"

"You don't know any other men."

"Well, as I told dad a short time ago, he could send the girls up to my room, one at a time, and I will produce a grandson for him that way. I don't have to be married to a girl to produce an heir."

"Gwen is that when you and dad had that conversation?"

"No, it was shortly afterwards, when he decided to let his little head do the thinking, and kept his big head in neutral."

"OW! Dammit mom, you hit harder than William. What did I do wrong this time? I wasn't even talking?"

"The Little head doesn't talk, hear or think. It just acts. The big head does the important things and it is always supposed to keep the little head under control. If you don't learn that early in life you will follow the little head around, making mistake after mistake, until your life is in ruins."

"I haven't had any fun with the little head yet."

"You are not supposed to until you are 30. After that it is full speed ahead."

"I didn't know that."

"You haven't kept up with your psychology readings. It is in the latest readings on male sexuality. It brings the peak activity time for males and female into close proximity to one another. Women peak at 40, men peak at 20. By keeping male sexual activity lower during their early years, and bringing women down from their higher years, the birth rate has risen by 6% in the U.S. More importantly, of the 6%, 4.2% of the births have been male, which has been on the decrease for the last twenty-five years."

"That's a huge difference in just twenty-five years."

"I told you, this is why you have to think before you act."

"Thanks mom. I am tired, and I have a lot of reading to do. I am going to lie down to see if I can get anything done, or just fall asleep."

"Goodnight Patrick."

"Goodnight all."

There was general conversation, until everyone was sure Patrick was squared away. Then Gwen said, "If you had gone on for one more second mom, there would have been a puddle of yellow water on the floor. I would have lost every drop of water in my bladder."

Holding her arms to her side Junior said, "It's definitely a female thing."

******************

They were getting ready to retire for the evening, when the house shook with the sound of an enraged male voice.

"Mom, you lied to me."

"Oh my gosh, Patrick's going to kill me. Where can I hide?"

"Quick mom, into the safe room."

Jemma ran to the safe room, while the 3 others sat back down in the living room. Patrick entered with a full head of steam behind him.

"Where is she?"

"She went to bed shortly after you did."

"She never goes to bed without checking on the twins. I checked in there, before coming down here, and the girls were asleep. You're lying to me just as she did. Where is my mother? I'm going to kill her. Every word she said to me about human sexuality is a lie. If I met someone and in the course of conversation I mentioned any of that bullshit to them, they would've run away screaming to the hills, or had me committed to the nearest psychiatric ward for observation."

"Why did she lie to me?"

Jemma came up behind him and touched his shoulder. "I was trying to keep you safe for a little while longer."

"There was no way to tell me the truth and keep me safe?"

"Honey, on a scale of 100, your hormones are raging at a rate of about 95 at this moment. By the time you reach 20 they will be at 100%. Any female you see will be a target for the little head, and that is not a lie. Tall ones, short ones, thin ones, fat ones, smart ones, dumb ones, it won't matter to you. All that will matter to you is getting them into bed and screwing their brains out. If you don't learn how to control yourself now, every hour you are not working, you will be looking for a woman to take to bed."

Junior interrupted her. "Mom, that's not necessarily so. He's going to be working in an office complex. He's going to be surrounded by females all day long. Each one of those will be considered a target by him, and a possible lawsuit in the making. He could be charged with harassment, false imprisonment if he closes his office door, and a whole host of other possible crimes leading up to, and included rape. All that has to happen is there be more than one woman in the same area to corroborate that there is a hostile atmosphere, created by him, in the office, and he's on his way to jail."

"Am I being lied to again?"

"No, Pat, you can take this one to the bank. You can look it up under the federal and civil statutes relating to crimes against women. You will find it, and if you don't, I'll find it for you."

"Okay, you guys are forgiven this time, but no more lies. Tell me the truth from now on, or I move out. I don't care about the danger to myself, I have a job, and I will do it. I'm not bullshitting anyone. I'm smart enough and old enough to handle the truth. So tell me the truth and I will handle it."

"Pat your pants are on fire."

"Fuck you William."

"Patrick, watch your language."

"Yes dad. I still owe him from before."

"I don't believe you will ever forget that lesson."

"Neither do I dad. Good night everyone, this time I am going to go to sleep."

**********************

"William, sooner rather than later if at all possible, but safety first."

"I will take care of it dear."

"Husband, just one question, is there anyone or anything you don't know?"

"Oh yes, definitely."

"Tell me, what would one of those things be?"

"My wife's moods."

"You're a dead man."

"I knew that before I answered your question."

"Then why did you answer it?"

"Because you asked me a question, and I don't lie to you."

"You're right, you don't. Let's go to bed, and I will reward you for telling the truth."

"How about me Gwen? Are you going to reward me for telling the truth?"

"Absolutely." She gave him a peck on the cheek, and told him he was such a good boy.

"That is not exactly what I was hoping for."

"Then keep hoping, in one or two years, it may come true."

Senior said, "Ah, Newlyweds."

***************************

31. We Are Going the Wrong Way

"Are you ready Gordon?"

"For what?"

"Dr. Finch, I love this part. May I smack him?"

"Isn't it more effective to smack him after he's bald?"

"Can I smack him now, and again afterwards to make sure?"

"Be my guest."

"Hannah before you smack me I want you to know I'm going to make believe I have a headache, weeks after this operation. Then I'm going to tell Zoey it's because you hit me. Do you realize what hell you will go through if I tell her that?"

"Dr. Finch, I believe I will just shave his head. Zoey could ruin both of us for life."

"Be very careful with those clippers, I don't want any blood on them unless it's ours. Sandy would kill me, and Jack would kill you. Gordon would smile as they sent us on our way into space."

"I would never do that Doc. We have to save one doctor for the ship. Can we get this show on the road now? I believe all this joking around has woken us up enough, and settled our nerves."

"I agree. Hannah take his head back there, and shave it."

"Nurses, we have practiced for this day every day for the last week. We are going to do nothing different today than we did every other day. Do your jobs properly. If you drop something, pick it up, thrown into the sink, re-glove, and get back to your position. Remember, I am not a neurosurgeon, and this is the first time I am doing something like this. I need all your help, and every bit of your attention."

"Yes Dr. Finch."

Hannah returned with Gordon minus hair. He kept running his hands over his head, trying to get used to the feel of it.

Hannah said, "Don't worry about it Gordon; it will grow back. I know it feels funny. It was like the first time Jack shaved my pus..."

All eyes focused on her, and she blushed as red as a ripe tomato. As everyone continued to stare at her she gave in.

"Well, I couldn't stand his damn mustache. He demanded something in return. His for mine. It was quite interesting the first time. Now it's just...fun. Well the way he does it, it's fun."

"Will you talk to Sandy about this procedure of yours."

With a twinkle in her eye Joanne said, "Harvey makes designs out of mine."

"Nurses, as much as I am enjoying this conversation; I don't want to undergo this surgical procedure with an erection, unless Zoey is on top of me, performing one of her magic tricks."

"All right, calm down everyone."

"Gordon, I'm about to put the 'Halo' over your head, tell me if it is too tight. I will be attaching it to uprights to keep your head steady when I use the hole saw to cut through your skull. We put the bone into the freezer to prevent any bacteria from attaching itself to it. We will place the bone back in using a compound that will allow the bone re-attach to the rest of the skull, heal, and grow normally."

*********************

"The Halo is attached, and it didn't hurt at all, did it Gordon?"

"Did the screws meet in the middle of my brain?"

"Yes, that is where they were supposed to meet. Do they feel okay?"

"Oh yes, just fine."

"I'm going to jostle your head a little bit now to attach the Halo to the frame. I can adjust your head up or down a few inches to make you more comfortable, so just tell me as soon as I have you hooked up.""

"We are all attached, the lights are on, and we are about to give you some sedation through your IV to get you to relax. You are not getting enough to put you to sleep."

"Are you comfortable enough, Gordon. You and your neck are going to be in this position for at least 6 hours?"

"Doc, you are going to have to lay my head back more, or raise my chin up. I can't stay that long, as I am."

"Nurses, let's lift his shoulders and hips. Hannah, please slide the wedge under his chest."

"Excellently done; now Hannah let's slide this up his body, ..."

"...until just before we reach C5."

"Very good Doctor."

"Your welcome."

"Andrea put a cushion under Gordon's neck please."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Much better, thank you everyone. Especially you Doctor Hannah."

"You are very welcome patient Lucky."

"I am going to give you about one dozen tiny shots of a local anesthesia in the area I am going to remove a flap of shin from your head. Underneath it I will drill to remove the bone and proceed with the actual surgery, after we return from lunch. Okay?"

"That's is fine with me doctor. Just tell Zoey that I am free for about 30 minutes or so, if you don't mind."

"Doctor, that round goes to the patient."

"Clearly, nurse, clearly. Can I have a really thick needle for his head please."

********************

"Ouch! That hurt. I believe you forgot to put the medication in the syringe doctor."

"I knew all along he was a sissy all the time."

"Do you feel a burning in your arm?"

"What arm Doctor?"

"How many ccs did you give him Carol?"

"Just as we practice all week Doctor, 50 cc's."

"My God we are going to kill him before we start. That's 5 point 0 Carol."

"You didn't say anything to me while we practiced."

"Don't worry about a thing Gordon, when you go into cardiac arrest, we know what to do. We practiced that all week too. Until then, will continue with the operation."

"Shouldn't you give me an antidote or something?"

"You're young and strong, you can take it."

"You're yanking my chain again Finch, aren't you?"

"Who us, we would never do that to a captain of this ship, would we?"

"NEVER."

"How are you feeling Gordon?"

"Like I could fall asleep if I wanted to, but I'm awake."

"That's what I was waiting for. Callie are you with me?"

"Good morning Doctor, both Doctor Luck and I are here."

"Good morning dad."

"Good morning son. I can't talk during the operation, so talk to Callie."

"Thank you for bringing my dad along Callie. It's good to know both of you are looking out for me."

"We will do our very best Gordon."

"Doctor Finch would you like me to mark the area for the incision?"

"Yes Callie."

Callie moved the robotic arm of the medical laser into position and drew a circle 2 inches in diameter. She moved it again and mark the middle.

"Okay Gordon, I'm going to remove flap of skin, and you're not going to feel a thing."

"Sponge. Scalpel. Cauterize. Good. Linda put the headphones on him."

"Listen to me little turd. Just because you beat me up doesn't mean I still can't hurt you. You better not do anything stupid in there, because if you think I made your life miserable while you were growing up, you have no idea what I'm going to do to if you screw up in there. Come back to me in one piece, or you're going to be feeding those God damn turkeys you brought on board. Good luck little turd, a bunch of us, the whole ship is praying for you."

******************

"Take the headset off, and wipe his eyes. Gordon, you're going to smell something burning. It will only last a few seconds, but that will be me cutting through the bone. The drill cannot go any further than the depth of the bone and will not touch your brain. Just relax, think of Zoey on the beach in a bikini, or less than a bikini. It will be over with before you get that out of your mind.

Gordon started thinking of the first time he was playing with Zoey on the beach in Charleston. She was so funny running back and forth trying to get a rise out of him. She was wondering why he wouldn't chase her. When she finally returned to him, dropped herself on his body, and asked him why, he remembered saying, "I caught you didn't I?"