Dead and Horny Ch. 13

A rat with comically large horned-rim glasses looked up from the desk and stood on their hind legs to greet them. They handed over a large pen and stamped a foot on a guest log.

"Seriously?" Lily asked. "Nobody ever comes here but us."

The rat bared its teeth, and Dana snatched the pen from Lily and moved to sign the log. She saw that Mike's name was in it several times, as was Reggie's and Ratu's. It made sense that the naga enchantress would visit; she had spent a good chunk of the spring trying to figure out how to stabilize Opal, a woman made out of primordial ooze.

"Eulalie is expecting us," Dana said as she handed the pen back to the rat. The rat nodded and picked up a tiny, silver bell. When they rang it, the sound somehow carried through the Library, summoning a floating platform from up above. It was stacked high with books that needed to be shelved, but there was still room for the two of them.

As the platform lifted off, Dana stared up at the skylights and wondered if they led to the same world as the observatory. None of the platforms went that high, and Eulalie had expressed no interest in scoping them out beyond decreeing that they were secure.

"Do we really need to do this?" Dana pulled out her sword and held it up in the position Sofia had taught her.

"We do." The cyclops gestured over the side of the platform with the tip of her own blade. She had gotten hers centuries ago from a man who had tried to kill her with it. "You can't always assume you'll be in a fight somewhere safe. The small area will force you to be offensive as much as defensive and the platform has been programmed to weave and keep your legs off balance."

Dana sighed and readied herself. The cyclops had demanded that Dana practice with her at least once a week. Not only was the cyclops a superior swordswoman, but her ability to see the future meant that Dana had yet to lay a mark on her. The lessons were terribly brutal, and always unfair.

The good news, however, was that they stuck. Every day was a chance to learn something new, a memory that was locked in place until--

"Hey!" Lily slapped Dana on the ass with her tail. "You suffer more flashbacks than a bad anime's filler arc."

"Huh?" Puzzled at the comparison, Dana realized they were at Eulalie's doorway. The Arachne had been given a home in the Library that was only accessible by herself or a platform. Without prior permission, anyone hoping to get the drop on her would have to either scale a perfectly smooth column for several stories or fly up under their own power.

The door to Eulalie's room was open, and they wandered inside. The interior space was covered in a multitude of monitors. Beneath them was a large console that was connected to a massive server room beneath. The wires were immaculately distributed so that they seemingly vanished into the walls. Tiny interdimensional portals connected the servers to different locations on Earth, allowing Eulalie to establish a truly private network. Even if someone tracked her on Earth, all they would find is a wire that disappeared into the wall. Any attempts to widen the hole would cause the portal to collapse.

Suspended from the ceiling, Eulalie lay in a hammock made of the finest spider silk on Earth. She was staring intensely at the monitors in front of her, able to peruse and process several of them at once with both her human and arachnid eyes.

"Ooh, you look so dramatic," Lily said. "How long have you been sitting up there trying to look like a badass?"

The Arachne tilted forward, tumbling out of her hammock and gracefully landing on all eight legs as if the fifteen foot fall was no big deal. She pulled off a pair of headphones and folded them up before slipping them into a pocket on her dress.

"It's been a while," she said. "I need your help."

"Oh?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "What on Earth could the Rat Queen possibly need that her little minions can't do for her? Well, except for anything requiring an actual brain."

Eulalie reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a small, white patch of webbing. She balled it up between her fingers, then flicked it at Lily, hitting her in the eye.

"Ow, fuck!" Lily tried to pull the webbing off her face, but only succeeded in smearing the sticky substance across her skin. "What's that for?"

"I don't mind jabs at me, but don't talk shit about my rats." Eulalie's features softened. "Besides, I've never known you to complain about white stuff all over your face."

"Ha fucking ha." Lily sank her nails into her forehead and peeled the top layer of skin off her face. Once it was off, the skin poofed away into smoke, allowing the webbing to drift to the floor.

"That...was disgusting." Eulalie gestured to one of the monitors. "I needed to speak to you privately, and didn't want to do it over text. Come."

The monitors displayed so many images and running numbers that Dana couldn't figure out where to look. Social media feeds were gathered together in one corner while spreadsheets had been opened off to the right. Two screens indicated that drives separated by continents were backing up, and a small cluster of monitors seemed to be overlooking bank transactions and the stock market.

"What's going on?" Dana watched Eulalie move to a thick black binder that was hanging from a bundle of webs. The Arachne picked it up and turned to face them.

"I've been watching the Order. It's not easy. Their tech people are top notch, and I suspect they've found a way to integrate magic into their system. Most of what I've accomplished has consisted of sending in rats to interface directly with their hardware, or even simple stuff like make photo copies of their files." She handed the book over to Dana. "I don't dare leave a digital trail of my own at this point, not after what I discovered."

Dana opened up the binder and stared at the pages. They were jumbled, a collection of newspaper clippings at first, and then building plans, purchase orders, and a ton of random items like meteorological reports and more than a few electric bills.

"It's all in there," Eulalie declared, crossing her arms and smiling.

"It's, uh..." Dana handed the binder back. "Maybe you could start at the beginning."

"Don't you see? This is proof they can trace us! Any of us, in fact. All they need is to ask, and poof!" She put her fingers together and then ripped them apart dramatically. "Answers!"

"Uh, okay." Dana looked at Lily, but the succubus looked just as confused.

"I mean, even if they track us...so?" Lily shrugged. "Unless they team up with the boogeyman, they're not getting in here. Mike refuses to leave home ever since the world almost ended, and the lions will absolutely shatter anyone the Order sends for us."

"No, not us! I'm not worried about us." Eulalie threw her arms in the air and grunted. As she twisted, Dana noticed the bags under the Arachne's eyes, and how one of her front legs tapped frantically on the ground like it was impatient.

"When was the last time you slept?" Dana asked.

"Hmm? Oh, not long ago. Uh..." Eulalie snapped her fingers. "The night after you came here for your weekly ass whooping with Sofia!"

Lily winced.

"Eulalie, that was almost a week ago." Dana gestured at the folders. "Maybe this is something we should talk about after you've had a full night's--"

"NO!" The Arachne's body lifted high, her legs going taut as if she was about to leap forward at them. "No, this can't wait! We have to go now, before they move it again!"

"Move what?" Lily asked.

"The Oracle! The Order, they've been keeping this creature for decades now. They say it can answer almost any question, but you have to be specific. It's how they tracked my mom and who knows how many other cryptids!" Her legs relaxed, lowering her back down. "Don't you see? If we can find where they're keeping the Oracle, we can use it!"

"For what?" Lily asked.

"Revenge!" Eulalie's lip lifted into a queer smile, her eyes suddenly wild. "For what happened to my sister."

Dana and Lily looked at each other. It was clear that Eulalie had lost it, as Leeds was currently entombed inside of a mountain in a pocket universe.

"Eulalie, Leeds is--"

Eulalie hissed, cutting Dana off. "Not that piece of shit, the one who created him! Leeds has the soul of a man and the body of a demon, which means!" She held a finger up for emphasis. "That somewhere out there is a demon with the body of a man! That means we can kill them, or at the very least ruin their life."

They were standing on the hill where Velvet had been buried. The location was peaceful, right next to where Velvet's parents rested together in peace. The cabin was visible in the distance, along with the start of a new frame for the barn. The rats, Tink, and Abella had put up the frame in record time.

Eulalie stood in front of her sister's grave, cradling Velvet's egg against her belly. She had gone missing earlier today, but Lily and Dana had known right where to find her.

They let her stand there and grieve for over an hour, content to keep her company. It was a lonely world, and you never got to choose who you walked it with. When Eulalie finally broke the silence, her words were barely audible.

"What am I going to do without her?" she asked.

Dana didn't have any good advice. She had spent over a year mourning her own loss, developing an unhealthy obsession with a motorcycle that now lay in a magical storage unit almost a mile underground in Montana. If anyone had advice for how to move on, it wasn't her.

"You're going to keep moving forward." Lily stepped toward Eulalie, her arms crossed over her chest. "And whenever you need someone to help you do that, just call. We'll be there for you."

It was an odd thing for the succubus to say, but she seemed to have a soft spot for the Arachne. Dana wasn't entirely certain why, but didn't question it.

"Thanks." Eulalie looked down at the ground.

"No, really. I mean it." Lily used a finger to raise Eulalie's chin so they were eye-level with each other. "You just say the word, and we'll do it."

"Please, I need this." Eulalie rubbed at her cheeks, then balled her fists by her waist. "This fucker swapped bodies with an infant, and we know he's out there somewhere. People like that don't just wander off and die, shit stains always find a way to persist!"

"Okay." Lily put a calming hand on Eulalie's wrist. "What do you want from us?"

The energy went out of the Arachne and she sighed. "I want to talk to this Oracle of the Order. Or have you talk to it for me, whatever. Find out where the demon is, hunt his ass down, then kill him."

"Okay." Lily looked at Dana, then back at Eulalie. "I'll agree on one condition."

"Name it." Eulalie gritted her teeth, clearly expecting the worst.

"Go to bed. If I find out you didn't sleep at least eight hours, then fuck you, I'm out." The succubus looked at Dana.

"Both of us," Dana agreed. Using a mystical being to hunt a demon sounded far more interesting than fixing up the observatory, and it would be good to get out of the house for a bit.

"I..." Eulalie looked at both of them and sighed. "Fine. I'll go sleep. But you have to let me know--"

"Yeah, yeah." Lily held out a cellphone. "Daddy has me on the phone plan, unlimited minutes and all the tits I can sext. You give us the binder, and we'll go check out a lead."

Dana wondered what she could be talking about, then realized it was probably Cyrus. The old man had taken up residence nearby, and if anyone knew about this Oracle figure, it would be him.

However, even though he had helped the house survive the apocalypse, nobody knew for sure where his loyalties lay. When Dana said as much while they boarded the floating platform, Lily smirked in response.

"You just leave that to me."

😈😈😈

When Cyrus opened the door of his third floor apartment, his weary eyes registered shock as Lily threw herself into his arms. She wore the form of an eight year old girl in a baseball cap wearing a pokemon backpack. If not for the red streaks in her hair and the zombie traveling with her, he wouldn't have known her identity.

"Grandpa!" Lily shouted, her hands wrapping around his waist. She felt him tense up, unsure how to react to her presence. They had called yesterday to schedule a meeting with him, so he had known they were coming. Transforming into a little girl just to fluster him would have been reason enough for her to come, but they also had an agenda today.

Cyrus pushed Lily away and nodded at Dana, who stood behind the succubus. "It's so...nice to see you two today."

Even though they were alone, it said something that the old man played along. Caution was a primary instinct to members of the Order, and there was always a strong possibility that he was being watched. It could be his former employer, or any number of people or monsters that he had pissed off over a long life of monster hunting.

Dana walked past Cyrus into his apartment while Lily held the man's hand. Once the door closed behind them, he yanked it away from her and scowled.

"Other people live here, you know." He waved a hand toward the door. "Do you know how many nosy neighbors I have? I'm willing to bet I get asked about you two, now. I'll have to explain that my granddaughters were visiting."

Lily rolled her eyes and transformed back into an adult wearing garish lingerie. "Oh, fine. Would you rather I show up like this and have people ask about the escorts you hired?"

"Yes. Yes I would." He sighed and ran his fingers through wild hair that stuck out in every direction. It had clearly been awhile since his last haircut. "People like asking safe questions. Were those your grandkids? I didn't know you had children. Do you have a son or daughter? What's their name? Where do they live? All safe questions that I need to prepare answers for and keep track of. Nobody is going to ask me about hiring an escort, because that means I'm a horny old man who is simply spending his money how he God damn pleases!"

She smirked, knowing she had unnerved him. They moved into a simple living room where Dana and Lily sat on a loveseat while Cyrus took his place on a recliner. He had a beer open on the side table next to an open book and a bowl of chips.

"Drinking? Before noon?" Dana asked.

Cyrus chuckled. "Honestly, when I heard you wanted to see me, I knew it's because you wanted something. There's probably a good chance I won't care much for what you ask, but will do my best to help."

Lily nodded. "It's almost like you know us." Cyrus had taken an interest in Lily and Dana after the mishap in Hawaii. For now, his concerns seemed purely academic, and she wondered if he was trying to atone now for some of the shitty things he had done during his career. Not that she was any different.

"So what do you have for me?" Cyrus asked with a yawn. He stretched, the whole room distorting as Lily snapped the Dreamscape around him. Cyrus hadn't noticed that she stung him during their awkward hug, the slow acting venom allowing him time to let them in and sit down.

In the real world, Cyrus was in his recliner while Lily sat in his lap, her fingers caressing his temples. Dana had pulled the binder out of the pokemon backpack and was flipping through to some pages she had marked.

In the Dreamscape, Cyrus seemed unaware that they had tricked him.

"We have some questions about the Order," Lily began. "About where they may be keeping a prisoner."

"Whether I can help you depends on the questions." Cyrus sipped at his beer, then stared hard at Lily. "Though the Order and I may be at philosophical odds these days, they are a powerful organization capable of raining hellfire down on both of us. There are some things I won't tell you for your safety and my own."

"You call it hellfire, I call it a hot shower." Lily grinned. "We want to know about someone called the Oracle."

Cyrus had been sipping his beer when she said this, and the ensuing spit take was hilarious. He wiped his mouth and stared at the two of them in horror, unaware that his memories were unfolding above his head in a giant thought bubble straight out of a comic book. Lily caught a glimpse of glowing red eyes behind thick glass.

"The Oracle? How do you know about the Oracle?"

Lily shrugged. "You know how it is. You go to enough parties, hear some rumors about a mystical being that can see the future, you get curious."

Cyrus just stared at both of them, more images appearing over his head. Since they were in the Dreamscape, Lily was able to sort through them while a false version of her spoke from the couch.

"What do you want with it?" Cyrus leaned forward in his seat. "You should know it's dangerous."

"Honey, I'm dangerous." She grinned at him, revealing a set of fangs that would startle a shark. "And yet I'm sitting right here, having a pleasant conversation with an old friend."

"I may be old, but we're not friends." He shook his head. "And you didn't answer my question."

"We have a question for it," Dream Dana said. "We're trying to find someone and heard that it was within its power."

Cyrus pursed his lips. "Even if the Oracle wanted to help you, there's no way in Hell that the Order would let you speak to it. The fact you know about it is bad enough."

Over his head, Lily saw memories from his point of view. Somewhere in the past, Cyrus had been able to phone the Oracle directly, or at least send in his questions. For whatever reason, the creature was under far tighter surveillance these days, and Cyrus was no longer a man with the clout to arrange a meeting. He spoke the truth when he said it could be months before such a meeting took place, and he definitely wouldn't be able to bring anyone else along.

Flitting through his brain, it was also easy to see that he wouldn't have done it. He had drawn a very clear line in his head between anything involving Mike and his former employer. The man didn't want anyone to know about the Radley house, because he feared that the Order might send someone to investigate, or worse, ask him to do so.

"Can you tell us where it is?" Dream Dana asked.

Cyrus shook his head. "I really can't. At best, I knew where it was, and they may have moved it already."

Above him, memories of the area where he last saw the Oracle appeared. Images of a small building in the middle of nowhere guarded by several men and women. Lily studied them and moved her consciousness briefly to the real world and shared the location with Dana. The zombie wrote the information down on paper. Based on what Eulalie had learned about the Order, even the act of pulling up a map of the region online might send up red flags on their end.

"C'mon, you can do better than that," she told him, a coy smile on her face. "Suck your dick like nobody's business."

Cyrus turned beet red and he looked down his nose at her. "Absolutely not."

Lily went back and forth with Cyrus, badgering him unsuccessfully to give her more details. In truth, she had everything she needed. She had suspected that he wouldn't voluntarily give them information on the Order and had come prepared to sift through his brain without him knowing. Was it a violation of trust? Absolutely. Did she care?

Fuck, no. Still, she needed to create the illusion that their visit had been unsuccessful, that the three of them had chatted for awhile. If she gave up now, he would absolutely suspect something had gone wrong.

When it was clear that Cyrus was good and agitated, Dream Dana asked him some questions that Real Dana had about trans-dimensional boundaries, mainly the ones she had encountered in the observatory. Cyrus, happy to change topics, questioned her at length about the observatory itself, making sure to remind them that he would happily come see it in person.