Little Bright Eyes

I'd seen some really terrible things while working for the newspaper, but it was hard to imagine that such evil actually existed.

By the time Angela finished her story, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen her daughter yet. I was beginning to wonder if she was out on a date or something. When Sabrina went into the living room for a little while, Angela explained in a quiet voice.

"Dylan, you asked before about my daughter, Maria. She's not doing well, I'm afraid. I'm really worried about her. She's scared to death of men."

I thought back. "She didn't seem to be afraid of me in the hospital, in fact she gave me a nice smile."

"I know, but since then she's regressed. She was only eighteen when she got pregnant. Her boyfriend was a good-for-nothing jerk. When she told him about the pregnancy, he beat her up pretty bad. We were afraid she was going to lose the baby for a while. She was already very gun-shy of men when that monster beat and raped her in the back yard. For a while I thought she'd be okay. Then the nightmares started. She sometimes wakes up while trying to fight off an attacker. She told me she can actually feel the blows in her sleep. As time passed she became more and more of a reclusive. It's gotten so bad she won't even leave the house anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Angela. Have you tried therapy," I asked.

"I can't get her to go, Dylan. I can't get her out of the house let-alone to a therapist. I...I hope you don't mind, but I remember that smile she gave you and I'm hoping she'll join us tonight. Maybe if she sees you again, she'll see all men aren't going to harm her."

"I don't mind at all," I told her. "I'm more than happy to do anything I can."

She had a nice smile too. I figured it must run in the family. "Have a seat, Dylan. I'm going to see if I can get her to have dinner with us." She walked down a short hallway and gently knocked on a closed door.

"Maria, Dylan is here. Come on out and have dinner with us, honey."

I heard a voice from behind the door but I couldn't catch what she was saying. I could guess though from Angel's response.

"Come on, Maria. You've got to eat."

Just then the little bundle of joy emerged from the living room. "Mommy, please come out. He's not bad, he's a nice man. He won't hurt you, I promise." When she didn't get a reply, Sabrina reached up, turned the doorknob, and walked in.

Angela came back to the kitchen, sadly shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said.

Just then a small miracle happened. With a big smile stretched across her beautiful face, Sabrina led her mother into the kitchen by the hand. "Mr, ah...Mc...McHenry," she remembered with a smile. "This is my mommy."

Angela immediately pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table for her. "Here, Maria, sit here. You remember Dylan, don't you? He came to see you at the hospital that time."

Maria had been looking down but raised her head slightly and gave me a nervous smile as she nodded. She was petite but due to the baggy clothes she wore, it was impossible to see her figure. Her raven black hair hung around her shoulders and she had the same striking blue eyes as her daughter; unfortunately, behind them I saw the same fear I saw in Sabrina's a few days before.

We were well into our dinner before she spoke. Her eyes darted in my direction then back down. "Dylan, I...I never did get a chance to thank you for what you did. I...I understand we have another reason to be grateful to you, too."

I gave her the broadest, friendliest smile I could. "No thanks is necessary, Maria. I'm just so glad I was there to help."

"He was really brave, mommy. He made the bad man run away," Sabrina offered.

I was still smiling. "He ran away because I took his picture. I sent copies to Amanda at the mall and to several police forces. Hopefully, they'll catch him before he tries it again."

It was the first time in a long while that I'd had a great time without my folks present. Sabrina had a lot to do with it. She was the most precious little girl I'd ever seen. Maria seemed to be loosening up a little bit, but she retired to her room and closed the door soon after putting Sabrina to bed. Angela was almost giddy at how much her daughter socialized. She told me Maria stayed in her room all day when they had to have a plumber come out earlier in the month. She wouldn't unlock her door or even eat anything until he'd left.

It was heartbreaking to hear and I wondered how it was affecting little Sabrina, seeing her mother like that. As I was leaving, I asked Angela if it would be okay if I came by and visited once in a while. Her strength surprised me as she wrapped her arms around me in a bear hub. She kissed me on the cheek and said I was welcome anytime, day or night.

I actually went to bed that night with a smile on my face, and thoughts of how to help Maria replaced my usual unpleasant thoughts of ending my life. When I got up the next morning, I felt like I had a purpose other than simply going to work. The first chance I got, I went to the library to learn as much as I could about Maria's condition and what I could do to help.

Of course I'm not a psychiatrist, they have a language all their own. After hours of reading I wasn't sure I knew any more than I did when I started. Ninety-five percent of what I had read went right over my head. The things that I did understand just seemed to be common sense: don't lose your patience, don't make fun of or undervalue a person's fears. For the patient those fears are very real. Don't try to force a person to face their fears. The person will let you know when they are ready, but it's a long, slow process. Hell, I had all the time in the world.

I had no idea if I could help at all, but I was going to try. They were a nice family who had been dealt a raw deal. I'm not sure why I felt so strongly about helping them but I did...if for no other reason than Sabrina; she deserved to have a mother with whom she could bond.

I started to wonder how I would begin. I couldn't very well just barge in and say, Maria, I'm going to help you get over your fear of men. That would probably scare her right back into her bedroom. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about Sabrina, she was the key.

I called ahead and told Angela I was coming with a present for Sabrina. I rang the bell and put the wrapped package behind my back. Angela opened the door and asked me inside. Almost before the door was closed, an excited little girl ran up and almost tacked me by throwing her arms around my legs.

"Hi, Mr. McHenry." She'd obviously been practicing my name.

I bent down and hugged her back with one arm, since the other held her present out of sight. I looked around but didn't see Maria. As we walked into the living room I got a glance at her bedroom door and saw it was closed. Angela had a carafe of coffee and cups on the table in front of the couch where she offered me a seat.

Little Sabrina was obviously starved for a man's attention. She hopped up and sat on the couch right next to me. "It's nice to see you again, Mr. McHenry," she said in a manner that befitted someone much older than her five years.

"Well, it's very nice to see you again, too," I replied. "I had to come back because last time I was here I forgot your birthday."

She giggled. "It's not my birthday, silly," she laughed, finally starting to act like a five-year old.

"But it was your birthday a while back, and I didn't bring you a present, so..." I let my words hang while I brought her gift out from behind my back. I didn't know how many presents she got on her birthday or Christmas, my guess was not many at all from the expression on her beautiful face.

I think the air split in two from her shriek. She leaned over and hugged me while thanking me several times. She finally looked over to her grandma and told her she was going to show her mother. Angela had a big smile on her face while she nodded her head. Sabrina jumped down and ran into her mother's room without even knocking.

"You didn't have to do that, Dylan. I hope it's nothing too extravagant," Angela said.

"Nah, it's just a doll. Believe me, it was my pleasure."

Just then Sabrina came running back into the living room with Maria trailing behind. She stood in the corner while her daughter came up and sat beside me again. "Mommy says I should unwrap this in front of you." With that she started tearing the paper off. Her mouth dropped open with a gasp when she saw the Barbie Doll looking back at her through the clear plastic cover.

I'd won several awards for my photography and had a bunch of shots picked up by news services who then disseminated them around the world, but I'd never experienced the kind of pride I did when I saw Sabrina's face light up with joy.

"Mommy, Mommy, look, it's Barbie!" She hopped down from the couch and ran to Maria whose eyes were now wide with surprise.

She looked over at me. "How did you know?"

Angela saw my befuddled expression. "She wanted one so bad for Christmas but we were so broke we just couldn't do it."

That put a smile on my face.

"Have you thanked Mr. McHenry yet?" Maria asked of her daughter.

"Yes, she did," I replied.

"Can I thank him again?" she asked Maria.

"Of course, honey." It was the first time I'd seen Maria smile.

Sabrina turned, ran up to me and literally jumped in my lap, throwing her arms around my neck. "Thank you, thank you, Mr. McHenry. Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome, Sabrina."

"Okay, honey; why don't you take Barbie in your room and play so grandma can visit with Mr. McHenry."

"Okay, Mommy," Sabrina replied. Quickly, she stretched up and kissed me on the cheek before jumping off my lap and running into her room.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" offered Angela.

I was hoping Maria would sit and visit with us but it wasn't to be. As Angela poured the coffee, Marie thanked me again for her daughter's doll but retired back into her room afterward.

Angela and I had a nice visit. She was a very pleasant person, but she also had some hard times. Her husband died in a freak accident in the mills when Maria was only two. About a year later she met a man she fell for and thought was marrying material. Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you want to look at it, he showed his true self before they got hitched. They'd gotten into an argument about something and he hit her—a couple of times. Of course, Maria witnessed it. Angela had the sense to throw him out and tell him she never wanted to see him again. After that she just concentrated on bringing Maria up as well as she could.

Angela told me she never liked Maria's boyfriend. He had the same kind of air about him as the guy she almost married. She wasn't really surprised when he beat up Maria. Thank God, like her mother, she had enough sense to stay away from him after that. The beating, along with seeing Angela beaten when she was a little girl, left Maria with emotional scares, so when she was attacked again by the rapist, it triggered her intense fear of men.

Angela was worried about Sabrina. "Dylan, I won't be around forever. What's going to happen to that sweet little girl if something happens to me?"

"Angela, you look very healthy to me. Just take good care of yourself and Sabrina will be married with kids of her own before you leave us."

She smiled. "You're optimistic, I'll say that for you," she laughed.

Going home that night, I was more determined than ever to help Maria. Over the next few months I visited once or twice a week. I talked to my folks as well. Dad warned me about getting too involved but there was no such thing as far as I was concerned. He'd never met Sabrina.

On Christmas Eve, I showed up at the Cooper home with my arms full of presents. Most, of course were for Sabrina, but I also got several for Angela and Maria. As I left that night, Angela kissed me on the cheek again and thanked me for the best Christmas they'd ever had. Talk about feeling good, I'd almost forgotten about Sheri, entirely; not completely, of course. I did wonder how she was doing from time to time.

Christmas day, I had spent with my folks. I'd already had their Christmas present delivered; a brand new Zenith color TV. It was the first color set they'd ever had. I was so proud to be able to buy it for them. Hell, since the divorce, I had nothing else to spend my money on.

All through winter I'd kept up my weekly visits with the Cooper family. By spring I almost felt like part of the family myself, although Sabrina still insisted on calling me Mr. McHenry.

Maria had her good days and bad. Sometimes she would sit with Angela and me and even join the conversation once in a while. She always kept her distance from me though. Other times she wouldn't come out of her room again, although those days were getting fewer and fewer.

I'd gone back to the library several times, although all the books and psychological theories I was reading about really didn't seem like they were helping a whole lot. The one thing I kept coming away with was patience, every book talked about being patient and not trying to force anything, but after several months with very little progress, patience was becoming a challenge. If I could just get her to trust me, then maybe I could slowly introduce her to a couple of friends.

Some of the books I read talked about reliving comfortable times from the patient's childhood. I asked Angela if there was anything she could think of that might fit that bill. She told me she used to take Maria on picnics when she was young. She said they couldn't afford to go out to eat, but she'd make sandwiches for Sunday lunch, then they'd walk to the park, spread out a blanket, and eat under the trees. She said Maria really loved it. Unfortunately, the neighborhood had changed considerably since those days and that park wasn't a very nice place anymore.

I knew the perfect place; a beautiful little park along the Kankakee River. The paper had four women's fashion sections every year as a Sunday supplement, and we'd sometimes shoot them in the park. No one had ever bothered us, in fact, during a weekday there was hardly anyone around. Now the problem was how to get Maria there.

One of the things all those books agreed on was to not force anything. Originally, I thought of getting Sabrina so excited over the idea that she'd convince her mom to come with us, but after further consideration, I didn't think it was a good idea. If she couldn't get her mom to go she might develop some animosity towards her mother and that was the last thing I ever wanted. No, somehow I was going to have to convince her myself and there was nothing in any of those books that offered a clue on how to do it.

My dad was smart person. I talked with him about various problems in my life and he always had good advice, so I sat down with him one Sunday after dinner.

"Son, I agree, I would not use the little girl. I think that would be the worst thing you could do. Does this Maria know you're trying to help her?"

"Ah, no, not really. I've never said anything to her and I'm pretty sure Angela, her mother's never said anything."

"Okay. The problem is, you, me, most people at least try to think rationally. Her fear of men is not rational. I'm not saying it's not understandable with everything she's been through, but it's still not rational. It's my experience that you simply can't reason with an irrational person, but if you can gain their trust and confidence you can sometimes coax them."

I really didn't understand exactly what he saying. He could tell by the look on my face.

"First, how are you going to gain her trust if you don't ask for it to start with? I think you've probably laid the groundwork by going over there so much. Maybe now it's time to level with her. Tell her you'd like to help her and ask for her trust. Tell her you'd like to help her to get over her fear of men so she can interact with her mother and daughter, in public. If she accepts your help you'll have to be careful not to go too far too fast. Take baby steps."

It sounded like my dad knew more than all those books in the library. I thought about what he said that night when I got home. Leveling with her was easier said than done, though. I had no idea how to approach her. I decided to do it like dad would—straight on.

The next time I was over, Maria had come out of her room and was sitting across the kitchen table from me. She always sat in the same seat. It was closest to her room if she suddenly felt the need to retreat.

I saw the panic in her eyes when I asked Angela to leave us alone for a few minutes. "Please, Maria, don't be afraid. I know you're afraid of men and with what you've gone through, I don't blame you, but I would never hurt you."

"Ah," she nervously stammered. "I...I still think mom should be here." She looked as if she was getting ready to run.

"Maria, I want to help you, please let me try. I promise I would never do anything to hurt you. I will never make you do anything you don't want to do, but you have the sweetest, most beautiful little girl in the world who needs you. She needs you now and she's going to need you even more as she grows up.

"All I want to do is help you get over your fear. Please work with me. Let's do it together."

Well, at least she was still sitting in her seat. That look of fear was still there, though. She was quiet and just stared at a spot on the table. "I...I'm afraid," she finally said. "How are you going to fix it so I'm not afraid anymore?"

"I really don't know, Maria, but I do know that there are a lot of great people in this world and about half of them are men. I was thinking that maybe we could start by just getting you past your fear of me."

She raised her head and finally looked at me. "You're...you're o...okay, I guess. I know Mom and Sabrina like you a lot." And there it was again, a small and very nervous smile, but still a smile.

I was thankful for any miracle I could get, no matter how small, and returned her smile with an even bigger one of my own. My dad said level with her. I was about to do just that. "I've never told anyone this before, but meeting the three of you has turned my life around. A couple years ago I discovered my wife was cheating on me. The divorce was devastating. I became so depressed I could barely function. At home all I did was sleep. I even had thoughts of suicide, more than once.

"That all changed for me that day at the mall. Now when I wake up, I look forward to the day. I can even laugh again. You, your mother and daughter have shown me there's so much to enjoy in life. I would like to return the favor if you'll let me."

She looked startled that anyone would share something so personal with her. This time the smile was almost imperceptible, but it was there. "I...I don't know why I'm afraid of you. I—I don't really think you're going to hurt me. I just can't help it. I know that's silly."

"It's not silly, Maria. Some people are afraid of spiders, some are afraid of the dark. Everyone's afraid of something. The fears are very real. That's not silly at all. I used to be afraid of tomorrow."

"Why were you afraid of tomorrow?" She was starting to sound a little more confident in her speech. She wasn't quite as timid as she'd been.

"Because I knew tomorrow was going to be like today and yesterday, lonely—lonely and empty," I answered. "Sheri didn't take much with her when we split up. We'd only been married a couple of years so we didn't have very much. What she did take made me feel like life no longer had meaning."

"What...what was it, what'd she take?"

"My self-worth," I admitted. "I thought I'd lost it forever, but I found it again when a frightened little girl asked me to protect her." I'm not sure what I said, but whatever it was, it seemed to break the ice between us. Maria's nervous little smile suddenly spread across her whole face.