The Feminine Psychology of Sissies

It's pretty scary being a married closet sissy but tremendously exciting at the same time. But what is it that leads a male to this type mindset to act and do this relatively taboo activity? Gay males are attracted to the masculinity of other masculine males. Why do sissies want to be the feminine sex partner of masculine males or other sissies? And why do straight masculine males like having sex with cross dressing sissies? (...hint: if the guy is dressed as a woman, then it's not 'gay'). Once I discovered how feminine it was to wear high heels, my crossdressing changed quite a bit as I then purchased many dresses. Most were very sexy and short and to walk around in high heel strappy sandals with my toes painted pink, panties, a wig and makeup while wearing a flimsy spaghetti strap dress, I was smitten.

I have to admit I felt pretty gay. Real men, perhaps men who are more straight than not, love a femme crossdressing male, I don't know why but they do. Long ago my posting 'bi married male seeking same' drew about 2 dozen responses. Posting years later with pics of me in dresses, panties and heels with my hottie ass & luscious hard 'clitty' over 300 eager men wanted me from a single ad post.

A lot of gay men don't like to come off the least bit feminine at all, only wanting to identify with a strong masculine side - this ideal being, that male/masculine on male/masculine is gay/homosexual and female/feminine on male/masculine is heterosexual. Yet there is the aforementioned stereotype of the "flaming homosexual" of the overtly feminine male as the lingering image historically in our culture of a homosexual, perhaps also a "closet queen" as another stereotype. Also in the very wide spectrum of male homosexuality there is the masculine dominant 'Daddy' type as the 'top' to the boyish, more lithe, somewhat feminine 'boi', often 'twink' boy as the 'bottom'.

This masculine Alpha gay male pairing with the feminine beta male has nearly heterosexual overtones - some masculine gay men form a nearly "heterosexual" male relationship with effeminate men. Straight or bisexual leaning males who would never be inclined to pursue a homosexual encounter with a masculine gay male, often have no issues having sex with a 'sissy'. (...hint: if the guy is dressed as a woman, then it's not 'gay', chuckle....). For sissies there is a rush of the endorphins when legs, underarms, genitals and anus are shaved, in silky pink panties, stockings, toes painted pink, high heel strappy rhinestone sandals, a slinky, short sexy spaghetti strap dress, wig and flawless makeup when they finally encounter a male lover. This is something a sissy will truly love and understand. For a male who is a 'sissy', real women dressed feminine and sexy have always served as their role models. Sexy women in dresses, bikini swimsuits, lingerie ads, supermodels and naked women still are very arousing to a sissy.

Straight black males with large penises (known as BBC, Big Black Cocks) are stereotyped as having a 'thing' for feminine white males, for 'sissies'. Another common stereotype is for husbands that are 'cuckolded' by their 'hot-wives'. 'Hot-wife' is a term signifying the wife is free to have sex with whomever she pleases while the cuckold is at her mercy, usually to watch her have sex with "optimally" a BBC, while hubby masturbates. To be even more controlling towards her cuckold, she has hubby's penis locked in a male chastity device. Often the cuckolded husband is feminized by his 'hot-wife' forcing him to wear panties and lingerie while locked in a chastity cage being turned into a 'sissy'.

Many times the cuckold sissy husband is forced to perform oral sex on the wife's lover (often termed as her "Bull") or even anal sex for the pleasure of the Bull and for the amusement of the wife. To emphasize their femininity many sissies and fembois voluntarily place themselves in chastity devices minimizing their penises even calling the male sex organ by the name of part of the female sex organ (clitoris) and referring to their anus as the female sex organ, as their "pussy" or vagina.

From my exposure to many different "sissy" blogs there is another elemental theme in the world of "sissydom". This theme is the desire to be the homosexual sissy wife to a masculine man, however unattainable yet infinitely desirable it may be. While the reality of such a union might be quite different than the fantasy, for a feminine leaning homosexually inclined sissy, it is really an attractive proposition. Married into this theme are wonderful scenarios for a sissy to indulge in; the ability to cross-dress freely and look, feel, act feminine day and night, unfettered by the need to hide it from the world, and the ability to engage in ample (homosexual) sex.

To be in a state of prolific sex, this is what many men wish their female wife would offer up in normal heterosexual marriages. Generally most married men find this not to be the case, with many wives losing interest in sex altogether while the husbands sex drive is off the charts. Truth be known, a closet sissy would not find it as exciting having sex often with his own wife as it would for him to be a gay 'wife' to man. The sissy knows 'she' really would 'put out' as much sex as her gay husband wanted, because gay couples really do have more sex. Is the thought of a sissy being a 'wife' to another man and providing that man all the sex he wants an 'acting out' on the fact his own wife gives up sex so infrequently?

For a sissy dreaming of homosexual matrimony, the luxury of being taken care of and pampered, versus having to perform those duties to his real wife, this and the aforementioned prolific sex are a few of the desires of a 'matrimonially' inclined sissy. I myself know this would be a very attractive homosexual situation, the idea drives my psyche and propels much of my fantasy about if I was able to achieve this ideal homosexual sissy union. This appeals to me so much that I wrote a number of stories published on Literotica with titles "The Homosexual Sissy Wife", "Looking for a Husband" and "La Traviata".

This fascination of feminine acting homosexual men desiring a matrimonial pairing with a masculine man predates our modern digital world and is a phenomena many, many centuries years old. Not surprisingly in the decadence of the late Roman empire there was a Roman Emperor named Elagabalus, of the Severan dynasty who reigned from 218 to 222 AD.

"Elagabalus' sexual orientation and gender identity are the source of much controversy and debate. He married and divorced five women but also married two men. He is characterized by modern writers as transgender, most likely transsexual. The question of Elagabalus' sexual orientation is confused, owing to salacious and unreliable sources. According to Cassius Dio, his most stable relationship seems to have been with his chariot driver, a blond slave from Caria named Hierocles, whom he referred to as his husband."

"The Augustan History claims that he also married a man named Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna, in a public ceremony at Rome. Cassius Dio reported that Elagabalus would paint his eyes, depilate his body hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels, and even in the imperial palace:

"Finally, he set aside a room in the palace and there committed his indecencies, always standing nude at the door of the room, as the harlots do, and shaking the curtain which hung from gold rings, while in a soft and melting voice he solicited the passers-by. There were, of course, men who had been specially instructed to play their part. For, as in other matters, so in this business, too, he had numerous agents who sought out those who could best please him by their foulness. He would collect money from his patrons and give himself airs over his gains; he would also dispute with his associates in this shameful occupation, claiming that he had more lovers than they and took in more money."

"Herodian commented that Elagabalus enhanced his natural good looks by the regular application of cosmetics. He was described as having been "delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles" and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia." ((external quote)) As evidenced by his short reign, Elagabalus was slain by the uber masculine Praetorian Guard due to his flamboyant homosexuality.

Among those not cuckolded and feminized by their wives is there thread in those who choose on their own to become sissies? As a question, is there a relationship to why straight males who so love and are curious about all things feminine, that there is a connection to at what age the male first was exposed to pornography, even the soft core variety like Playboy magazine? Does viewing pornography at an early age encourage this curiosity, adoration, emulation of femininity that this leads them to cross-dress? Personally I was exposed to Playboy magazines around 7 to 9 years old, my twin brother discovering the magazines in the drawer of an older brother and also of my father's magazines. Is this exposure of pornography to pre-pubescent males a factor in crossdressing later in life?

"There is also evidence of associations between young people's actual sexual behavior, including early sexual involvement, and the consumption of sexual media content, including pornography ((external quote)). Johansson and Hammarén ((external quote)) report that young pornography users are more likely than non-users also to have had sexual intercourse, masturbated, had same-sex sex and a one-night stand." I experienced intercourse at age 13 (to a prostitute in South America) often masturbated and had same sex relations by this same age.

I am probably in a very small fraction of homosexual leaning crossdressers who were also sexual molested at a very young age; several times around age 6 or 7 by the older brother who had the Playboy magazines, and repeatedly molested again not long after by an older neighbor boy who took me at least a half dozen times in the woods behind the school to get naked and sodomize each other. These experiences certainly shaped as well as hindered my sexual and emotional development, but there may be other factors that influence a person's sexuality.

Not to get into a "nature vs nurture" discussion on the "why" of homosexuality, but there are possible influential factors as well in a person's upbringing. Personally, I believe in both nature and nurture as a role in a person's homosexuality; I believe some people are just intrinsically homosexual (nature) regardless of upbringing and others have life experiences that help mold a person towards homosexuality (nurture).

Of the influences in the nurture camp, a distant father coupled with a domineering mother has been cited as possible factors. I had both. Father was a good man that I admire to this day but he was emotionally as well as quite often physically unavailable in addition to being alcoholic. Mother was an enabler to my father's alcoholism and did dominate the house emotionally despite her own severe lack of self-esteem (due to her own upbringing). In my life, especially growing up I never had a strong positive male role model; not father, not an older brother, not an uncle, coach or teacher, not one.

Another factor cited in the probable incidence of a person's homosexuality is their relation in the birth order to how many older brothers they have. (Blanchard). I was the youngest of six children and have four older brothers. One of the factors in emasculation trauma in a boy is incidence of sexual molestation. My experiences and emotional trauma as a young boy would not be indicative of most crossdressers.

It is my belief that many crossdressing males with homosexual inclinations are not fully gay in a traditional sense. Perhaps this is where the lines blur and the crossdresser who might also be a sissy considers themselves as bisexual. "Many gay men endorse traditional masculinity and deride effeminate behavior in other gay men ((external quote))." The spectrum of sexual preferences and mannerisms is wide, though many "sissies" don't necessarily identify as predominantly gay, while others, me included, know deep down they are more gay than not. Due to their stable traditional lives and roles, there is no desire for sissies to shed that life and to come "out" and show the world who they really are inside the closet. I don't. I have a stable heterosexual marriage with a wonderful wife, and we have decent sexual relations and have had spectacular sexual relations in our 20 plus years of marriage.

Actually, I am even to the point in my life that I know deep down I am gayer than not, but in the interest of our wonderful bonding, companionship and friendship I know it is better to forego extramarital homosexual sex because it is better for us as a union. The internal emotional carnage of extramarital gay sex affects me in such a negative way that the joy of homosexual contact does not outweigh my love for my wife and the propriety of my emotional well-being and very sound and satisfying home life. I've found that in times of stressful work and life events, I was more likely to engage in extramarital gay sex without guilt or remorse. Everyone is different in this. Many men live in sexless marriages, and it is much easier for older males to find homosexual lovers than sex with a female other than his wife.

"Cross dressers often find an increase in their desire to cross-dress as they age. Often taking more risks in terms of where they wear female clothing, and how often, in contrast to their caution of not stepping out when they were younger." ((external quote)) I have found this to be true as well.

In the 'gender bending' politically correct world today it may be confusing in that some transsexual people may view themselves as women so sex with a male is not homosexual but heterosexual, and some seek sex with only females viewing themselves as lesbians. In sissies, they relish being feminine and gay, very much exalting in being homosexual. Everything contained within this essay is not delineated by black and white lines of research and clinical data (it's a rainbow of colors!). The remarkable effort to identify and understand human sexuality tells us the traits of some people's sexuality, through the studies that have been done. What was, in many of our lifetimes, considered a sexual disorder, such as homosexuality, are now considered acceptable societal norms.

Researchers have identified and given scientific labels to sexual behaviors and new terms replace older established norms. What was called sexual perversion and sexual deviation is now termed "Paraphilia" - "the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals. Such attraction may be labeled sexual fetishism. No consensus has been found for any precise border between unusual sexual interests and paraphilic ones." ((external quote))

While clinical terms may identify the behavior of crossdressing homosexual leaning sissies, these people are not necessarily all tortured souls seeking a permanent change in gender appearance or a sex change. Many are but seeking recreational kinky, fetish sexual activities and are comfortable in their own private world. It is in many ways a clandestine type of sexual "performance art". The actors know their roles, wardrobes in place, and the performance unfolds, often filmed for posterity and eroticism and posted on X rated video sites. Sissies step through a door into an exciting world of released sexual urges and fantasies; when the performance is over they close the door behind them and re-enter their normal lives as if nothing out of the ordinary had transpired.

"Walking around in the kitchen the sound of my high heels clicking on the floor. I twirl around showing off my silky short dress and long legs encased in fishnet stockings, my toes painted pink and lavender showing through, looking so sexy. Under my dress I have on a silky pair of pink panties tightly hugging my hottie little ass, my aching penis barely contained in front. You love it! You love what you see! Taking me in your arms we slowly look into each other's eyes. We kiss. Softly. Your hands roam under my dress. My panty clad soft little ass feels so good to the touch, for both of us. Then then storm breaks loose and our kissing is passionate madness as I fondle your hardness through your pants. Gasping for breath our hands grope each other's hardness. You are amazed how good it feels to touch a cock in panties under my dress."

"Your cock is aching for release as I grab at it. I want it. I have to have it. You play with my flat titties and erect nipples through my dress as I unbuckle your belt and zip you down. I reach in. Its so hard! Fuck, there it is! I finally have it! The flesh of my hands on the flesh of your cock makes you shudder. Soon we are kissing again as we play with each other's cocks. In a whim you slip the straps of my dress off my shoulders and the dress slides down my body. I stand back and let it fall in a pile on the floor. Stepping out of it I stand back some more lifting my arms over my head letting you admire the sight - a slender me in silver strappy high heel sandals, painted toes, white fishnet stockings and shimmering pink panties."

"Twirling around you admire my cute little panty clad butt. Around again my hard penis strains against the silky panties. I love being in high heels and panties, nothing more, showing off for you. You are so hard as I come up to you and we kiss again like hungry animals. Again we play with each other's cocks but it is time, I want yours first. Sliding to my knees I press my face into it, it smells divine so musky and manly. It's so big and so hard, the spongy, tacky flesh that encases the rigid beauty. Without further delay I sink my mouth over it, swooning in my panties over finally having your cock in my mouth. I love it! It tastes so good! I so love sucking cock, I love sucking your cock! You moan as my mouth works wonders on your penis, your shirt falling to the floor, me pulling down your pants as I suck lovingly on your cock. Soon you are completely naked as I helped you out of your pants, shoes and socks your cock in my mouth the whole time."

"Finally you pull me up and we kiss again madly as you press our bodies together, my panty clad penis onto your hard naked cock. Our wives really have no idea about our homosexual carrying on, how much I love dressing femme and sucking cock, how much you enjoy the company of such an effeminate male kissing and fondling him all the way to penetrating his tight sissy ass."

The paragraphs above encapsulate exactly how a sissy feels dressed during a homosexual encounter. Paraphilia? Sexual perversion? Sexual deviation? Psychosexual disorder versus self accepted sexual fetish? Homosexuality, now widely considered a normal variant of human sexuality, was at one time discussed as a sexual deviation. Non-heterosexuality? People who fall out of the perceived norms of sexual orientation? Does emasculation trauma play a part? Is there a "Sissy Syndrome"?

"Research has shown that paraphilias are rarely observed in women. However, there have been some studies on females with paraphilias. Sexual masochism has been found to be the most commonly observed paraphilia in women, with approximately 1 in 20 cases of sexual masochism being female."

"In 1966, Harry Benjamin wrote that researchers of his day thought that attraction to men, while feeling that oneself is a woman, was the factor that distinguished a transvestite from a transsexual. Most clinicians and researchers believe that paraphilic sexual interests (as well as homosexual sexual interests) cannot be altered, although evidence is needed to support this." ((external quote))