Untraditional

Mel was a wild woman in bed Friday night. I won't lie and say it wasn't fun and exhausting but I'll also say that it sent up red flags that have me very nervous about Saturday's dawning.

The day was so hectic I didn't have time to stew or even wonder. Moana and Aleki arrived at about ten in the morning to start preparing Mel for her big night. Three of the men were the equivalent of the island chefs, knocked on the door, and implored me to help them with certain aspects of the feast.

First, I was shown the dressing of the hog that would serve the village. The damned thing was massive. Twelve men placed it into the imu - the underground oven with perfectly placed stones and bricks to retain the heat from the fire that had burned the entire night before. I'd had Kalua pig at a mock luau for a charity in Boston but was looking forward to partaking from these experts.

The rest of the morning and early afternoon, it seemed I was relegated to prep duty. First, I helped some of the teenage girls and boys peel sweet potatoes, then after a break and a small glass of 'special' punch, I was directed to help mash kalo for the Poi. I'd downed that punch pretty quickly and I was warned off it during the steaming hot midday sun. Water was my friend, they said.

Finally, around two in the afternoon, I was put with another group to scrape and strip the limu (seaweed) but I wasn't very good at it. One of the chefs sent someone over to tell me to go home and get ready. I knew when I'd overstayed my welcome.

Mel was stunning, so much so, that I barely recognized her when I entered. The other women, including Jon's aunt, were applying the finishing touches.

My wife wore a stunning sleeveless floral pattern sundress. I noticed the absence of a bra, which was standard for all the women on the island, and the dress would have been borderline provocative back in the States. But Mel, like all the women in her clan, was not blessed with a large bust so the dress hung perfectly on her like a mannequin.

Most of her beautiful black hair hung tastefully down to her shoulders but the top was placed in a bun with a garnet of Plumeria. Her custom headdress, signifying her as tonight's honored guest, was interspersed with bright white Tiare flowers. To complete her outfit were specially colored Orchids in her leis. Mel was barefoot, as was customary for the islanders, but someone had spent a great deal of time painting her toes and overlaying little micro-flowers.

"Wow!" I exuberated. "You look incredible, baby!"

"Oh, thank you, honey!" Mel blushed as she twirled in a pirouette. Moana looked at the time and spoke quickly to Mel in the native tongue. Mel looked at me.

"Mom says you have to get dressed," she shooed me into the bedroom. "We'll be late."

My clothing, maybe by design, was understated. I wore the traditional samo, or men's wrap (I couldn't bring myself to call it a skirt). The color of the floral pattern was different shades of grey on a black background. Mel came in and helped me get it situated so I wouldn't have a wardrobe malfunction.

"I'm so excited," she said, giving me a big kiss with plenty of tongues. "I love you, Mister. With all my heart and don't you ever forget it."

That was the first time all day that some of my anxiety came back to the forefront. I told her I loved her, too, and we headed off.

There had to be two hundred people on the beach with more arriving. Someone, or a bunch of them, had set up chairs and tables in my brief absence. The outdoor lighting had been hung earlier. I noticed a small stage to the right of the dining area and the loose sand had been scraped away in about a twenty-foot square area, I guessed, for dancing. Mel took me around to meet anyone who hadn't been at the dock to greet us. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

Soft music played as everyone gathered and mingled. Saltwater fish and Taro were passed by some of the younger women. Jon arrived also dressed very ornately.

He walked over to me, after what I felt was purposeful avoidance the past three days, and wrapped me in a big bear hug. "Hey man," he almost whispered in my ear. Then he stood back, smiling and with a hand on each of my upper arms.

"Kapu Ali'I Mana," he said as one would say "Happy birthday" or "Merry Christmas". I felt like Judas had just kissed me.

Just as quickly, he was off to mingle and be the brave peacock, star of the show. Mel was soon at his side and my ostracism for the night began. The bar was serving water and punch. Just great.

We all settled in around seven, as the sun and heat started to wane. I sat with Mel's family at one of the front tables. The Elders had given their speeches, praising both Jon's and Mel's family and their contributions to the island community.

The highlight for me was the meal. Anyone who never partakes of an authentic Luau is missing out. I went to the buffet three times.

I found myself sitting in an Adirondack chair, not far from the dance floor about nine, with a full belly and an empty glass of punch. Mel startled me as she plopped down in my lap.

"There's my wonderful husband," she said, looking radiant. "Are you bored over here? I noticed you pigged out on pig." She giggled at herself as she handed me a full glass of punch.

"Trying to get me drunk to relieve my boredom?" I asked.

Her smile almost disappeared, "No, actually, the dancing is about to get underway. I thought you might need this."

"Don't want me making a scene?" I asked briskly.

"No," she sighed. "I'm trying to be thoughtful. You look so tired it might be a good time to take a short nap." That comment pissed me off.

"Sure, Mel," I was borderline sarcastic then. "I'd look like such a pitiful bastard snoring away with all the dirty dancing going on, right? Besides, I plan to dance with your sister."

I was a little drunk and out of it, so with the glare she gave me, I knew I'd overstepped. Too bad!

Her smile returned. "Well, you better keep your mitts off my kid sister, buddy. Anyway, she's spoken for in all the dances. Everyone is paired off as per the ceremony."

Everyone's paired off except me, I thought, fighting myself again.

The dancing started as a group thing. Not so much like line dancing - there was a lot more twirling. The women all looked sexy in their dresses.

I yawned as things started to heat up and the people came together in pairs. Mel and Jon were in the middle of the group of couples so I couldn't see much of them. The women jumped up on their men, wrapping their legs around their partner's waist. The men turned round and round staying in place.

I noticed the woman from the marketplace dancing right in front of me. She was not partnered with the man she'd fucked. Off to her left, Aleki danced with a man about her age. She was certainly a stunning portrait of her older sister. I started to drift off but I forced my eyes to remain open watching Aleki. The men began rotating their hips as the sensuality of the dance progressed. Aleki smiled and was clearly having a grand time. My eyes closed again. Damn, I was beat!

I opened my eyes once more and the men had their partners on their shoulders, spinning. Around the right shoulder and over to the left, like rag dolls. I saw Mel being tossed about and Jon giving it his all. As they spun, Mel's sundress opened like an umbrella. She wasn't wearing any panties. That shocked me awake but only briefly, the effects of the drink overtook me. My eyes closed one last time and that was it.

I woke up with the sunlight of a new day beaming into the window. I almost put the pillow over my head and went back to sleep. I did not feel well. Reaching over to my left in search of my wife, I discovered she wasn't in bed with me. As soon as I opened my eyes, my head started to throb. What the hell was in that punch? I thought.