What Comes Around, Comes Again

Stacy and I resumed our get-togethers on Tuesday and every other day that week. We rekindled much of what we'd left dormant when we'd split. I didn't see Elaina, although she also called to check on me a few times. I expected that Stacy would tell her what we were up to.

Two days before Kat was scheduled to come home, or at least what she'd said in that damned video, I got a call from Julie. Kat had called her, telling her to let me know she was going to Boston for one last show and that Tad was covering the cost of her plane ticket home. She said she'd get an Uber from the airport. What's more, that one additional concert would have Kat on the road for another six days.

I could feel Julie cringe over the phone as she tried to relay Kat's ridiculous declarations. She wanted Julie to tell me she loved me and she couldn't wait to see me. For me, any tiny thought of staying with Kat ended with that call. She didn't even have the spine to call me.

Brad and Julie seemed so embarrassed by the entire ordeal, they distanced themselves from me right after that call. I knew I hadn't lost them as friends for the long haul, just until Kat and I made decisions about our future. Stacy picked up the slack.

Stacy and I sat in my living room two nights after that call, watching a romance movie. After I scooted closer to her, she became nervous. I never got to make my move.

"Joey," she said sweetly. "I know. I know and believe me; I feel it too. My feelings for you have grown exponentially in the past few weeks - exponentially. Still, I'm not going to be the person that helps you cheat. Maybe you wouldn't even consider it cheating the way things have turned out but I can't do it. I'm falling for you all over again and I want us to be together after all the dust has settled. Can you understand that?"

I pulled her to me and placed her head against my chest. "I do understand," I told her sincerely. "I think I want the same thing. Some days lately I wish I'd never gone to college. I shouldn't have left you."

I felt her breathe deeply and I heard a sniffle. We stayed that way, lost in our thoughts for some time. "Can I still see you, when she comes back?" My tone was... desperate.

"We can see each other as friends," she sighed. "I'm hoping it leads to something more... relevant. Have you made any decisions regarding your relationship with Kat?" It was her turn to sound desperate then.

"I'm finished with her," I said determinedly. "But divorces in this state take at least six months. That's if she doesn't fight it."

We held each other for a long time that night. I think we were both hanging on for dear life. I'm sure Stacy was thinking just like me - we were cheating right then, even without any sex. I tried to square it with what my wife had done to me. How Stacy went about sorting it, I never asked. The next two days and nights, neither Stacy nor I contacted each other.

The next morning, I started calling attorneys. The one I ended up taking an appointment with was someone who'd been recommended by a co-worker, as a shark. After the initial telling of my story, I asked if we could serve her in Boston.

"That can be done," he said with a grin. "It will cost a bit extra but we sure can. We might be able to get a little something from Tad specifically, or his band. He did extend an offer of infidelity to a known married woman. There's a chance it never goes anywhere but..."

"Nah," I interrupted. "He's gonna have lawyers who know their way around it. He knows that, too, or he wouldn't be so brazen about doing it. Just serve her... and, oh, I want to include this with the papers."

I slid my wedding ring off and handed it to the man. He accepted it with glee.

Stacy was pleased that I'd seen an attorney and started the process. There was a hint of something there that I couldn't make sense of.

"Okay, Stacy," I said. "Spill it."

She thought for a long minute. "I don't know," she started, then stammered. "I like you Joey and you already know that. I think it's much more than like and I feel that from you, too. But I don't want to start or rekindle our relationship with Kat and what she's done to you looming over us."

"What are you saying?" I asked, annoyed.

"Don't get upset with me, please," she replied. "These scars you have... left by those two - bitches. I want you to be well over them and healed before we get too serious. I'll do my part in the healing and show you - prove - that you can trust me, but I think you will need to talk to Kat and try to figure out why she did it. You won't be able to get your self-respect back and feel self-assured in your future decisions if you don't."

She quickly changed the subject, seeing my angst. Arguing wasn't her goal. Later that night in bed, I tried to push her words into the back of my mind but I couldn't escape them. She was right.

Kristy was different, I told myself. I hadn't fallen for her, become attached yet. But the more soul-searching I did, the more I realized only the timing of things had saved me. A few more months and who knows? It may have been much worse. Kat was far more difficult to explain away. I knew she was strong and impulsive. Those were qualities I'd come to love in her but turned against me, they'd become lethal.

With a new day's light, I too felt lighter and more enlightened. I knew there was more I needed to do, beyond a set of divorce papers.

Julie worked at the community center and was involved with less fortunate children. I asked her for a reference on a mental health specialist or therapist. She knew three that worked with several of the kids there. I spoke to all three and eventually settled on the guy named Oscar.

"None of my business, Joey," she cautiously said. "But what led to this?" I knew what she was asking and it didn't upset me.

"I'm just working on me," I simply responded. "Gotta figure some things out." That earned me a raised eyebrow but also a look of respect. It was nice to see something other than pity staring back at me.

The next thing I decided I needed to do was focus on what kind of excuses Kat might muster and plan to shut them down. That would not be for argument's sake. If I was to discover what kind of woman she was - exactly - I'd need a means to wade through the bullshit.

Thinking about her video and relating her to Kristy, crazy as that bitch was, I decided that her first line of defense would be the "fragile male ego." I wrote some notes in a journal I'd purchased that afternoon. When I got a little stuck, I called Stacy.

"Well, you're halfway there," she exclaimed after I told her what I thought I was up against. I was surprised I think mostly because I'd finally gotten something right about women.

"You're right about ego," she said. "That's the modern women's first line of defense. Probably the ancient women too." She was giggling and having a good time, full of herself.

"Women's ego," she continued. "Well, we don't refer to it as that. It's desire or need. It's other things. How are you planning to respond if she pulls that on you?"

"I don't know," I said quietly. "I'm stuck."

Come on, Joey," she interrupted. "Here, let's pretend I'm her," she tried to change her voice.

"It was an opportunity of a lifetime," she mocked. "You can't seriously tell me that you're going to let your ego get in the way of a happy future. A lifetime of wonderful memories we've yet to make together, just because I took advantage of something that couldn't possibly ever happen again! I know you can't look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."

"Hey, you're pretty good at that!" We both laughed out loud. "Okay, um, give me a minute to think."

"Here goes," I said after my pause. "No... ah, 'Kat,' I think it's your ego in play here. Your ego gave you permission to hurt me and break your promises. To go with that slimy bastard. And you know what? His ego, too. I assume he saw your rings before you took them off and gave them to Julie. And what? Because he can carry a note and is famous, he's entitled? He and you have no problem ruining relationships and marriages?"

"Not bad," she said more seriously. "But you didn't answer her question, so she's gonna throw it back at you, like this - I went because it was the chance of a lifetime. I told you I was going and was honest about it. Remember, I even mentioned 'groupie,' just so it was out there. So you'd know. I knew it would damage your pride, but more so your ego. I knew it would take some time for you to get over it. You even got an extra week. Look at me, Joey. I don't love him. I had sex with... yeah, famous people. Why can't you get past that?"

That one caused me to have to use more brain cells. We were both quiet for a bit, while Stacy let me work the problem. Then she encouraged me and dropped a few hints.

"Joey, what made you so mad when you found that waitress giving the singer a... well you know, in that back room? What was the feeling that set you off?"

That was easy. "She was supposed to be with me," I said indignantly. "Then she just went off with him."

"Okay," she said carefully. "Maybe, but what about this? She left you out, but she disparaged you, insulted you, and could have humiliated you if she'd been caught. Is that true?"

"Yeah," I replied quietly not liking having to relive the event.

"So, her ego trumped yours," she continued. "Her needs did too. Her desires. That's the common thread here. Kat will use the video to put you off balance. 'Hey, I told you, so," is how she's going to frame it. Stop worrying about your feelings - your 'ego,' - and let's focus on mine. My needs and desires, because that's what's really important."

"I guess so," I was getting tired and frustrated.

"Think about it," she said. "Maybe sleep on it."

I told her I was seeing a counselor and her mood seemed to brighten. Sleep came almost the second my head hit the pillow.

Over the next few days, I spoke to Brad and got his opinion. He'd divorce the bitch, was his only stance. I talked to Julie and my sister, too. Elaina was the odd person out. She seemed to think I should work towards forgiveness and get on with life. That told me a lot about Elaina but it didn't make me love her less. It was helpful to hear her counterpoint to Stacy.

She wasn't happy that Stacy and I had been spending time together. When I pointed out what my wife was doing, she just sighed and said she hoped I wouldn't be too harsh on Kat and that I'd stop seeing Stacy, when my wife returned.

It took less than twenty minutes to realize I didn't like Oscar at all. Luckily, I was able to schedule another appointment the following day with a woman named Lydia. She was the most helpful. When she asked what I was hoping to accomplish, I told her that I never made this mistake again with a woman.

"What would you say is wrong with you?" her question caught me off guard.

"I... I don't know," I stammered. "Maybe I have some repressed issue from my childhood that manifests itself and causes me to become attracted to hurtful, self-centered women."

Ah," Lydia laughed hard. "Maybe it's just that your picker is broken." Then we both laughed. I found it very easy to talk to Lydia after that. She was quite encouraging but she also didn't mince words. In the end, it came down to ensuring that while a relationship was developing, I made sure to ask the right questions. Created hypothetical situations and then played 'what if.' If I'd only known it was that easy.

I felt much better about myself. The call to my attorney confirmed they were prepared to serve her right before the concert in Boston. The people in the apartment office weren't too pleased that we broke our lease early but I didn't care. I started boxing up our possessions - hers and mine - to make things easier.

Stacy and I role-played a few more times on the phone. The night before Kat was to return, I knew she'd been served at some point, Stacy and I were on the phone for four and a half hours. Most of it we spent talking about a future, not my soon-to-be ex-wife.

I slept - hopeful about my future. Oddly, I felt so good, my future was bright with or without Stacy. I was going to take it slow with her. There was no way I was going to go through something like this again.

When I came home from work, Kat was sitting at the kitchen table. She had a half glass of red wine and an empty bottle next to it. She just looked up at me without a word.

"Look who made it home." I couldn't help it.

All the rage returned in an instant. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing her there.

"How could you do that?" she asked, slurring her words slightly.

"Funny," I replied quickly. "That's supposed to be my question." She made to speak over me.

"Not happening tonight," I stated, holding up my hand. "You're drunk, or halfway there. Probably feeling a bit like I was those first few days. I won't get the answers I need now. We'll talk tomorrow if you're sober. You need to start thinking about where you're going to live."

I headed up the stairs to change into something comfortable. Her condition was something I hadn't anticipated, although I should have. Dinner was waiting for me at the pub, I decided. I wasn't about to listen to her 'poor me' bullshit.

When I returned at eleven, Kat was asleep in our bed - former bed. I went to the spare room and got ready to sleep. I'd gotten everything in place before Kat came home.

Then I texted Stacy 'goodnight.' She replied wanting to know how it went but I didn't feel like talking about it. Especially not typing it. I told her we'd discuss it the next time I saw her. The thing that haunted my thoughts right then was if I wanted another relationship. Not that Stacy wasn't appealing enough. She was but I knew what was coming with Kat and me.

Kat was a different person the next night. I'd already been alerted to the fact that she'd spoken with Julie. Brad told me that. Elaina had also called to chew me out about the divorce papers. I told her to shut up - my marriage was over and I wasn't changing my mind.

My favorite dinner was on the table and Kat looked like she'd been cleaning the house all day on top of cooking. She was dressed in her favorite tight top and jeans. Again, no words except 'hi.'

I examined the meatloaf. Kat gave a sour look. "No, I didn't poison it," she snarled. "Although it did cross my mind."

"Sit down," I commanded. She wasn't used to me talking to her like that. I think she went to the fridge to get me a beer just out of spite.

"I'm not drunk now," she said as I cautiously tasted my food. "But my question is still the same."

"As far as I'm concerned," I began, remembering what she'd asked the previous night, "our marriage is DOA but I do have questions and I think you at least owe me an explanation."

"Can we not start there, please?" she wasn't begging, she was meandering. "I know you have questions. I'll answer them all - completely and honestly. I don't want a divorce. I want to talk this out - understand your feelings and what we need to do to move forward."

I didn't answer or respond to any of that. After a long pause, and setting my fork down, I started again.

"What could you have possibly been thinking, going with them?" It was pretty straightforward.

"Like I said in my video to you," she said without hesitation, obviously prepared for that question, "it was the opportunity of a lifetime. I wasn't thinking - exactly - I just had to do it. It was a great experience and now it's over. I even got to use some of my marketing skills, which was unexpected."

"Yeah," I spat. "Was that before or after you spent your time on your back in his bed?"

She ignored the dig. "Joey," she trudged on, reliving her fun. "When Julie and I ended up on the other side of the stage, we were there with some women who were... with the band. As I told you, I was one of six asked to continue on tour with them. As you also probably know, the first ten days involved four shows. At each concert, more groupies join, and others leave. There were six in Cleveland and ten in Ann Arbor. I didn't keep track after that but we were busy."

I chuckled sarcastically at that. She wasn't going to be deterred. "We did social media posts most of the day. On nights there were no concerts, we accompanied the band to social events - prescheduled appearances at nightclubs and high-end restaurants. During the day, we'd go places the band's management had booked. One day at the Cleveland Zoo. Lots of posing and hundreds of photo ops for the various fan pages.

"Just before the third concert, I told Tad about my marketing degree and some ideas to improve his exposure while making these appearances. How to improve his visibility and image. I gave him ideas about setting up live streams at these events which would look like they were from a fan's point of view. He put me with the band's manager, who put me with the marketing team, and that's why I stayed the extra nine days."

"Great," I spat. "Now he can have virtual groupies instead of real ones. Now that the damage is done."

I could have cared less. It was time to get to the important stuff.

"How many times did you really fuck that asshole?" I asked, fully loaded. "Did you go bareback?"

Kat looked at me hard. It took everything she had in her, not to lash out. It was written all over her face.

Finally, with a deep sigh, she responded. "What the hell, Joey," she half-whined, half-yelled. "I just told you all the things I did for the past three weeks. The sex was meaningless and only four times. That's your question, then. The sex? Well, for your information, the sex wasn't in the top five best parts of my time on the tour and it wasn't even in consideration when I decided to go."

"Yeah, Kat. The sex," I said coldly. "And yes, that's what's important to me. That's the part that jeopardized our marriage, broke your vows, and showed your lack of respect and love. And you didn't answer the question, I noticed."

I could see she wanted to avoid discussing the sex, or what I asked her. She had it wrapped up in a pretty little gift box in her head. She was trying to place the bow on top and I'd ruined her cute little prepared soliloquy. Resigned, she decided on a direct approach.

"I told you," she said with attitude. "It was four times. Tad and I didn't use any protection - he doesn't like... condoms. The drummer, David, and bass guitarist Kyle wore them. It was once each with them." She finished with a tone like 'Are you happy now?'

"Well, we already have a problem," I replied. "Because I don't believe you. I'm not sure I ever will again. I never heard of a groupie using her marketing talent. But let's move on.

"What was your plan," I continued, asking, "to get your husband back on board when you returned? I mean you know me well enough by now. Or thought you did."

She seemed ready for that one too. "I figured that if you loved me, and because I told you, there wouldn't be any - what did you call it? Getting you back on board. I planned to show you how much I love you, showering you with affection, and a little extra... you know."

The stupid bitch was trying to hide her guilt so hard she couldn't even say the word. "What would make you think, in your wildest imagination, that I'd even want to have... you know, with you?"

That one scored a direct hit, but we weren't playing Battleship. The anger that was overtaking me was due to my not properly vetting her as a life partner.

"Joey," she acted and sounded bemused, "I'm not damaged goods for god's sake. You can have sex with me. I'm your wife. I understand that I've hurt you in ways I didn't consider and some that I did, but apparently not to the level I have. We can get past this. I'm not trying to sound cliché or make excuses. I'm trying to tell you I'm the same person I've always been."