by Hot_Sister
the first chapter was a copy of another on this site this chapter was good until the end the end makes it sound like he is going to get violent the best thing you can do is have him move out if you do have him get violent atleast have the brains to put it in the proper catagory unlike 90% of the writers here do i thought at the begining of this chapter that he should move out and it seems it would be best if he did please keep it realistic most writers go into fantacy to much
cant wait for the 3rd ..... will be fun to see if you go for violence or a well manipulated intervention.... lol keep up the good writhing ...
Awesome pt 2! I really like how the story line is progressing, shows your talent as a writer. Jeep up the good work, I am dying to read pt 3!
I'm really enjoying it so far and the excitement is building up. Please continue. Great read!
Good writing, very good writing, had me hard and excited, please keep writing!
great story, but the first was better. I hope I can read the next part soon
This chapter could have used some sex in it. I know you needed it to build up for the next chapter, But he should have caught his sister masturbating or something hot.
Your story is really great n I am glad u took the time to build up the characters
Oh so twisted. Very well down. That's a more bizarre bet, but oh so twisted.
The only details that sticks out is that David thought Damien knew none of Beth's friends whilst in fact it seems he knew Laura: inconsistence on your part or oversight on David's ?
Really loving the build up, the character dev and the background.
I wish this story went on past the three chapters but I'm guessing the third is fantastic.
Will finish reading it in a few minutes. Your story is very well developed and very twisted.
Build up gets me going better than the sex scenes often. Really good twists in this story.
Five stars for great 'story'. This is probably the fifth five stars I've given a story out of the other forty or so stories I've rated a 1, 2, 3, or 4.
You had me going with the opening scene. I didn't snap to it being a dream sequence. I was actually angry that you had skipped past the confrontation/reveal and dove straight into a relationship with them. It would have been better to not have David ponder if it was real or memorex. (I wonder who will catch that reference 🤔) That only added to the confusion and wasn't pleasant.
I'm just wondering that since David gathered up the LBD and matching underwear for the laundry if maybe Beth isn't on edge that he possibly figured it out and is being coy with her. She had to have noticed that it was missing. I'll just have to RAFO. Moving on to the next installment!