All Comments on 'Hawk & A Dove'

As I said before Art. Simply breathtaking. Always, E

Thank you so much for an utterly readable and thoroughly enjoyable story. While keeping within the context of this web site (erotic literature) you have managed to engage with the story to such an extent that it would still stand as a fine piece of writing even if hte erotic elements were removed.

Moved people with words. Words of enjoyment upon the first to the last.The story makes you want to return to the simpler times. When a man and a woman loved for all eternity. Innocence between them made for a great read.

Thank you for the glimpse of innocent love....

a wonderfully woven story. I liked the dialogue, with a hint of dialect, but not overdone. Gave a realistic feel without getting hokey. I'd like to see more of this tale, perhaps a deeper look into the mores and morals of the tribe.

I think you did well in the proofread and editing, I spotted only a couple of things I will email you about. The story reads so much cleaner with the grammar and punctuation working. Well done.

Have you based this on any specific tribe or people? I think with a little research a really interesting story line could be followed... perhaps a look into the sexual lives of the ancient people. Very well done.

jim : )

I enjoyed it immensely. Some of the grammar and spelling of the words should have been different..but I'm such a stickler for that... It didn't take away from the context of the story at all, though. Loved it....

~Shianne~

Extremely well done sir. The illieration was great. I was really into the story.

As Randy Jackson of American Idol might say, it was just 'aight for me. I do think you have a really good sense of your characters and good character orchestration. But I found it somewhat hard to stay interested through your descriptions. To be specific; words like "very" and "got" are rather boring. Some of your adjectives felt bland. I noticed that both times you described the crowd's cheering as "louder" and "loudly." You may want to mix it up a bit. "Galloped" instead of "rode," for example. It gives the story a fresher feel. There were sentence structure problems. Whenever you combine two complete ideas in one sentence you need a comma. I think the most important aspect it needed to have was conflict. It doesn't have to be something huge, just something to make readers care, to make us look forward to what's coming next. It's probably just me, because I've taken a fair amount writing classes, but I think the story might have been better if there were some sort of inciting incident, to make your characters feelings for each other change from the beginning of your story to the end. You could write of how they first met and Dove thinks Hawk is just a hot-shot until he's wounded and she comes to realize that he's really a caring, sweet person. That would tell a progressive story and be worth a read. As is, it's a story with good characters and dialogue that feels as if it has nowhere to go.

I loved the simple words you chose, the simplicity of the language complimented the story well. The innocence of Dove and the fond affection of Hawk shined through.

I was hooked to the tale when you mentioned that Dove's mother warned her against the union with Hawk as 'a Dove and a Hawk can never be together' and the incident where Dove watched the Hawk in the sky falling and piercing the little dove was excellent. I was half fearing that Dove and Hawk might meet a similar fate but love conquered and I left the story with a smile on my face.

The closing scene was excellently done, removing all doubts. They will love each other forever. :)

The little things in the story, the small descriptions all worked together to form a lovely, complete package. I loved it. Thanks a lot for a very entertaining and lovely story.

One of the best reads on literotica. This story soars like a hawk and simple as a dove. Nicely done Art. Hope to see more like this.

I agree with the person named E. It is wonderful.

This is a great story and I hope to see many more chapters :)

The weaving of the old stories in is just wonderful.