Her Blue Dodge Minivan Ch. 03

It took about two more weeks before I was ready to talk to Eileen. I left her a phone message, asking if we could talk at her apartment. She left me a return message within a couple of hours, suggesting that I come over the next evening around 8pm.

When she opened the door in response to my knock I could see she'd worked on her appearance. She was wearing slacks and a sweater, nothing fancy, but she looked terrific. Her hair and make-up were perfect, and the clothes were very flattering. I was reminded what a beautiful wife I had.

"Hi Danny," she said, tentatively leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek. She led me into her small living room, where we sat and she poured us cups of coffee. I watched her put half a teaspoon of sugar and a lot of milk into mine, as she'd been doing for so many years.

When we were settled with our coffees she looked at me, and said, "it's nice to see you."

I knew she was terrified, and it would have been cruel to drag it out.

"Eileen, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and—sorry, I guess you must have known that.

"I'm going to file for a divorce."

Her eyes started brimming over, but all she said was, "oh, Danny!"

"There are only two choices for me in this situation, and they both stink. I don't want to be alone and lonely, wondering if I'll ever meet someone I can share the rest of my life with. I still love you, and I know that you love me.

"On the other hand, it's been more than four months, and I still don't want you to come home. Every time I try to imagine it, I can see that won't work. However loving and considerate you might be to me, I'm not going to be able to get past what you did, and how it made me feel.

"I'm not as angry as I was, but I still don't want to be around you, let alone live with you or sleep with you. When I think about it, it's very clear that it just won't work for me.

"I know you've made a real effort, Eileen. I know that you've done the counseling and all, and really tried hard to understand why you did it. I give you credit for that.

"But there are just some things that are too serious to get past. And I've finally realized that what you did is too serious for me to get past."

I stopped talking. I'd been gazing at nothing while I spoke, and now I looked at Eileen. She was looking back at me, crying quietly, her shoulders shaking.

I went over and sat down next to her on the sofa and she pulled me into a tight hug, sobbing against me. I held her for a few minutes, and then gently extricated myself from her arms.

"I'm sorry, Eileen," I said very quietly. Then I moved to the apartment door, opened it, and walked out.

THE END