by deltablonde
Thank you to many of you who left your warm words of encouragement and support.
I hope you enjoyed the story.
Deltablonde
This is my first ever comment on Literotica. I really really enjoyed this story!!
I was on about chapter 7 or 8 out of 9 an hour ago, when suddenly a chapter 10 appeared. Talk about lucky!! I also had wet eyes when they watched the video; emotionally a very strong chapter. Plus a very thought-provoking ending...
Thank you very much! Now if only I could obtain a dose of the 'charm'.....
Storyline all the way to the end, it's storylines like this that makes literotica great.
It will be interesting to see what you will come up with next..
Amazing story from start to finish, i absolutely loved everything in this story it really has every great aspect you'd want from a little novella. You have done an excellent work with character development as credibility. The only thing I found, and it's not a particularly bad thing is that we don't hear from the pilot much in the recent stories and you're left wondering what happens with him. But otherwise I wish I could forget it so I could read and enjoy it once again :P 5 stars
Well written. Believable (within context of the story) characters. Enough real world accurate details to allow immersion. (Though good luck finding that house in Silicon Valley she was renting for less than $3M :) )
My only complaint is that it's over....
I have to say I loved this story. I have two books from major authors I am working on and this story was the first thing I looked for all week after work hoping another chapter arrived. The other books could wait. Excellent work :).
I truly enjoyed this story and was glad to see it brought successfully to a close. However, I still want to know what the light is/was. I am just as interested in knowing more about the events following the epilogue. I guess that that is the sign of a good story. What's the saying, always leave them wanting more...
This is not a critique, this is an Affermation, I am satisfied with the ending, but left wanting more!
... That goes for all the chapters. This was very well written. I hope the author continues to write I am looking forward to finding other little gems in his or her work. Panther fan.
This story (all chapters) is one of the top ten stories I have ever read on this site. Fantastic! Great writing, imaginative plot, beautiful character development, and left me wanting more. FIVE STARS!!!
Loved the ending. Enjoyed the entire story. Hoping there will be sequels.
I recommend you look seriously at self-publishing through Smashwords or a similar sites. (Please not Amazon. I don't buy from Amazon.)
It would be really nice if you could continue the story or do a spinoff of this one. I have really enjoyed it so much. I am saddened that I no longer have it to look forward to.
and the time you spent on it. A really fun time reading and I appreciate your story telling abilities. Is Hanscom really still open? I was there in the late '60's as a military brat. And I had a relative who had a 100+ year old house burn down in Bangor. They were snowbirds and it was winter. I might contact later. Thanks again for a great read!
Congratulations on producing an exceptional piece of work.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and left me wanting more.
I found that the story-line engaged me right from the beginning and held my attention all the way to the conclusion.
You have clearly invested a great deal of time and energy into this project, which has resulted in the creation of a very entertaining story that features believable characters and a very plausible, thought provoking plot-line.
I love how you built on what I first percieved to be flaws.
When joel began tracking down suspicious behaviour i immmediately started thinking of all the bread crumbs he was leaving himself. Not only did you make those part of the story (the colonel) but you went one farther and had the investigative journalist find oddities as well, leading to the impossible. Excellent story
I hope this story continues. Maybe like a book 2 of a series?
some of the things that i would like to see, is that he starts to learn ways to absorb this power to control men as well and take it away entirely from men also no one is to know this but Joel and even where this power is coming from
You need to turn this into an eBook.may e remove the golden shower scene but the rezst is great.
This is a good plot for a movie.
Trim down some of the sex and ad some drama and you are golden.
"Who've you've already met," is not what a military man would say.
Break it down and it reads, "who have you have already met.."
Whom you have already met, is much better.
Don't feel bad, I have trouble spelling Phoenix as well.
Decent story for the subject matter but it proves again, there are no good guys. I'm not sure if I accept that.
Really enjoyed this one...would love for there to be more! Great job and thank you. Great plot/imagination!
You did a wonderful job on this whole series. The plot was amazing. You left it so people can call it an ending or you can keep it going. Very well thought out. Thanks immensely.
This was a well thought out story. I liked it because it was VERY original and had few "mistakes". Just as an aside, the sex seemed to be superfluous at some point but did not detract from the story-line. Well, for me anyway. LOL Based on this tale, I think that I have to look at some of your other stories. Thanks for the good read.
Extremely grateful for the time you've put into this. I reiterate from an earlier comment, fantastic attention to detail and insight into the dark side of even the best people. Thanks and keep up the awesome work.
Dom.
... your sex scenes are so clichéd and formulaic. Real low budget porno. Trouble is, I realise that the story needs to show the depths of degradation to provide context and to make the tale believable. You have a publishable book and movie deal if you can find a solution. Good luck!
I signed in just to compliment this author. I read the whole thing, and this is very good work.
The writing improved as it went, but from the start the thinking was done well. It has real insights into people, sex, and their satisfaction. It has a mystery that ties to the insight. It is realistic thinking about how various persons might gradually discover and react. It thinks through the larger consequences. Well done.
This story was exciting and very much a fun read.
It is not everyday that I find a story I like so much, frankly I believe 5 stars is too low but that's what this site will allow.
I hope you plan on keep on writing, because you've got talent!
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Would love to continue following these characters! Thank you!
The story was engrossing, captivating and very hard to stop reading. Great job. The only reason for 4 over 5 stars were the sex scenes were pretty bland. But as a PG13 book, it was great.
Thanks for a great read.
It's a great work......I read it from the begining to ending. Looking forward to your ne story
It was a great story and I loved reading it, but in the end the main relationship of this story is between Joel and Jen, and that is based around a wilful lie. It might not have been his intention to do what he did, but that doesn't excuse the elaborate lies that were fabricated on his behalf (willingly). It doesn't even matter if she finds out in the end or not, her clear reaction to what he really did (even though she was convinced otherwise) should have this story end in tragedy.
Just a great read. Was looking through the stories for this years vote. You got mine. Very entertaining. Got lost in your story. Really nice job!!! You have a very creative mind. Thanks for the great read
Jesus Christ’s egg sandwich in a blender... that’s like telling a stage four cancer patient we just found a cure for cancer but it’ll only be ready after they are dead.
Your imagination really was working overtime on this story. You managed to weave an impossible scenario with very real daily life. I look forward to your next installment.
Nicely done!
I've read books that I paid for that weren't as good as this story.
Came for the porn of course, but stayed for the story itself.
I’ve spent too many hours reading this start to finish, but boy - it was worth it. The author really does have a gift for story telling. The ‘good sex’ and ‘bad sex’ are very cleverly evident without being obvious, as is the moral dilemma of having power over others.
The end just begs for a follow up. If they can make ten (?) Fast & Furious blockbusters without a credible script, what could the author do with this clever storyline?
Thank you for sharing.
What an excellent set of main and supporting characters, story premise and arc, and finish. Congratulations on your fantastic work.
Loved the whole story and sad that it ended there but every story does end. Thank you for a good one and all your work.
I still really like it, second reading, and I love the sex scenes - especially with Jenny. The rest are hot, but kind of irrelevant in the larger context of the story. I think Joel should order Jenny to truthfully tell him whether she WANTS to become more sexually appealing to him, and then help her overcome her socially programmed inhibitions to the extent that she would like to, KNOWING that it's what she wants with a husband (and nothing more.)
On an earlier chapter, I commented to the effect that Google USED TO (probably) be like it's being depicted here. Ever since the company was sold to Alphabet, Inc., it has changed completely. It's hugely dangerous to humanity!
Google now attempts to make itself unavoidable for all Internet activity, and USES the information gathered to make money (selling it,) and to dominate, manipulate, and control everyone. The purpose is nothing less than enslaving and destroying us all.
Google is directly responsible for Crimes Against Humanity, and the executives will be among those prosecuted when (very soon) the "new Nuremberg" tribunals are under way. Soldiers have already been ordered to duty for a one year deployment (as of May 2022,) likely for the tribunals - it's all almost finished now! Thank goodness for outlets like this one, and the opportunity to expand our consciousness beyond the limits we've been programmed to expect. Stay sane, and "know what you know" - even if it means all your friends think it means you're NUTS!
I can not recall a series of chapters of a story that has held and gripped me so much! WONDERFUL!!!!!!
If there is such a thing as a ten star rating I will give it twelve.
WOW! Please keep wring and may your life be very long.
God bless you for this story.
Damn, what a great read! This so could have continued another 100 chapters easy. Hope the authors other contributions are just as much as a great read.
Pretty much perfect. It would be one thing is that it would have been interesting to explore the catnap women who could not be charmed or perhaps they had a power of their own.