A Closet Homosexual

"You know you are a faggot," Jeremy stated. "Boys like you are faggots. Cocksuckers. You're a pansy, a sissy. Only fags wear panties and suck cock."

The words hurt. But they were true. Jeremy was becoming dominant and mean as boys are sometimes to each other, even to friends. The whole scene was still very arousing to both boys, despite the overt overtones of disrespect. It was Jeremy that had initiated homosexual contact in the first place, but for Robert, he seemed to be the one where it triggered an unrequited longing deep inside. Up to this point the two boys had masturbated each other to ejaculation and sucked upon each other's cocks but had not cum into each other's mouth. This was about to change. When Jeremy was very close, he gave no indication that he was, as he ran his hands through Robert's hair as Robert's frenzied sucking on his cock continued.

As Jeremy began to ejaculate into Robert's mouth it took Robert a moment to realize that semen from Jeremy's cock was ejaculating into his mouth. Instinctively Robert tried to back off, but Jeremy firmly held Robert's head, preventing the panty clad boy from removing his mouth. By the time Jeremy's ejaculations had slowed Robert had given up resisting and "took his medicine" by continuing to suck off the other boy. Robert's hard penis ached in his sister's panties and this arousal urged him on accepting the semen from his friend's cock. Now the arousal he felt in his own hard penis made the event of completely sucking off his friend, not seem so nasty and the taste of semen, not seem so bad. Actually, by now the taste of semen and the taste of Jeremy's still mostly hard penis urged him on enthusiastically as the ache in his penis made it squirm in his sister's soft panties.

When Robert finally lifted his mouth off Jeremy's penis, his stimulation was nearly driving him mad, especially with the twin sensation of wearing panties and a bra and displaying himself as feminine to another boy. Jeremy was amused as he fondled Robert's penis through the soft panties. Being kind, Jeremy slid his hand inside the panties and pulled on Robert's penis masturbating his friend. As Robert humped his penis in agitated fashion meeting Jeremy's jacking him off, his ejaculation messed all over Jeremy's hand and his sister's panties. Jeremy wiped the cum onto the panties and got up to leave.

After an awkward disengagement, he left with Robert sheepishly waving "bye" with semen sticky on him and soaking his sister's panties. Robert took off the bra and hid the panties that he had soiled with his semen. With Jeremy gone, it would still be several hours before his mother and sister would be home. Robert felt ashamed about what he had done with Jeremy and silently vowed not to ever do it again. He tried to concentrate on schoolwork but after an hour he was curious about what to do with his sister's panties that he had soiled with his semen. He figured he had better wash them; he shuddered at the thought of his sister or his mother finding out that he had done this indiscretion with the panties, let alone what he had done with Jeremy.

Regardless, he was fascinated with them and as he retrieved the damp panties, he lifted them to his nose in curiosity. The scent of his damp semen and the scent of the feminine undies floored his senses. Any repentance and self-reproach were rapidly sailing away, as his penis hardened at the erotic sight and scent of semen on the panties. Robert rummaged through Beth's dresser and discovered another pair of panties from deep in the back of her panty drawer. They were silky and deep pink. These panties captivated him like no others he had seen. Taking a pair of panties he had never seen or worn before was a secret joy to him. Robert disrobed and pulled on the silky pink panties and then grasped for the damp, semen soiled panties from earlier.

His boner ached a wonderful tingle as he pressed the damp panties to his nostrils. The scent was tangy, sultry, intoxicating. He pulled out a few hidden girlie magazines he had acquired from Jeremy and lay on his bed. With the scent of semen on the damp panties, the gorgeous naked girls in the magazines and the newfound silky pink panties hugging his penis, Robert masturbated. Slowly at first, then pulling on his penis with quickening tugs the sensation from this multitude of stimulus and his mind racing remembering how exciting it was sucking off Jeremy, Robert ejaculated many excited spurts of semen over his tummy and hand.

Coming down from this pleasurable peak, Robert sopped up the semen with his sister's panties, damp with his semen, soaking them even more with his naughty discharge. He knew he would have to wash them, but not today. He also knew he would hide them while still damp for another masturbation later when he went to bed. Removing the pink panties, he carefully tried to replace them hoping his erotic foray would go unnoticed. Any guilt or remorse he had been feeling over sucking off Jeremy dissipated in the fog of desire he felt in his loins. Perhaps at some point he might stop having sexual encounters with Jeremy. Maybe he would stop wearing panties and stop masturbating in them. But for now, he knew the excitement and pleasure of these erotic endeavors were too great, that his will was too weak to resist them. He knew this in his heart. He wasn't gay he told himself, this is just felt so good.

Jeremy was casual and perhaps somewhat aloof when he saw Robert at school, but he was also friendly and for lack of a better term, sly in his interaction with Robert. In the span of the next month or so Jeremy was over at Robert's house 3 or 4 times when Beth and mother were working. And let's just say no video games were being played or hoops were being shot. Jeremy liked having his cock sucked by Robert as much as Robert had grown to crave sucking off his friend. Every time but one Robert wore a pair of panties during these encounters. Every time but one Robert sucked Jeremy's cock on the couch in the living room.

The one exception was when Jeremy convinced Robert to put on one of Beth's sundresses. They had a torrid fling with both boys ending up naked on Robert's bed, kissing madly, frotting, 69'ing each other in a wild homosexual frenzy. Jeremy humped his penis between Robert's cute little ass cheeks pressing it firmly at the tight butt hole but did not take it any further and as was their custom Robert sucked off Jeremy to completion followed by Jeremy masturbating Robert to ejaculation.

Things would soon change for Robert, but he had no inkling of what was in store. Summer break was a few weeks off and everyone was excited about getting out of school. One Saturday Jeremy's folks and older brother had to take the trailer to Monroe City, to hand it off to Uncle Ed. Jeremy stayed behind. He would have the house to himself till well past dark on Saturday evening. Jeremy invited Robert over on that Saturday morning.

By this time Robert's mother had grown cautious of Robert's friendship with Jeremy and would not allow him to go over there if she knew he would be unsupervised. Robert made up a story about where he was going so he could make it to Jeremy's house. The prospect of sex with Jeremy was greater than the sin of lying to his mother.

When Robert got to Jeremy's house, he knocked but no one answered. Opening the unlocked door, he let himself in and heard the TV on in the basement. When he got downstairs, to his shock, Jeremy was there with two other boys from school. In his snarky manner, Jeremy greeted Robert with "well there she is, it's about time." Completely aghast, Robert fled to the small bathroom there in the basement and locked the door. Tears welled up in his eyes. What had he gotten himself into? Most certainly Jeremy had told the other boys, Vic and Jason, that Robert was a fag. Robert had pilfered his favorite pair of Beth's pink and white panties and had worn them under his clothes as for sure he thought he would be giving Jeremy a blow job. Inside he cringed.

Jeremy knocked on the door and pleaded to get in. Robert said nothing at first, but then simply a sharp "no" as he sniffled in his despair. Jeremy pleaded some more quietly before threatening to tell everyone at school Robert was a fag. Robert relented and let Jeremy in.

"It's okay," Jeremy whispered as he put his arm around Robert. "I fool around with these guys too. It's all of our secret. I would never tell. It will be hot. If you like doing it with me it will be double hot with Jason and Vic, come on."

With bleary eyes looking in shock at the situation Robert had put himself into, Jeremy's persuasiveness won out as Jeremy leaned his head into Robert's. A soft kiss followed. "Come on," he said as he took Robert by the hand out of the bathroom. On the television a porno movie was playing. Pretty standard porno it was, with a couple of chicks and a couple of guys with big cocks. Jeremy sat on the couch with Vic and Jason as a still somewhat hesitant Robert knelt in front as was the custom when he did this with Jeremy at home. With Vic in the middle and Jason and Jeremy on the ends, Robert knelt before Vic and tentatively began rubbing him through his jeans.

The sexual tension was high as Robert soon was rubbing all three boys in turn with his hands. His own penis was hard in the panties he had worn under his jeans. Without hesitation the boys on the couch began peeling off their shirts and unfastening their pants. Trepidation turned to desire for Robert as he felt the naked flesh of the other boys' penises. It was a naughty unreal happening for Robert that he knew was wrong. He knew he could not get out of this till it had run its course. All the boys on the couch were pulling their pants down past their knees in anticipation as Robert then sank his mouth over Vic's quite nice cock. Robert began sucking Vic's cock like he had done many times with Jeremy and placed each of his hands on the other boys' cocks.

This was not your normal Saturday activity for boys. Jeremy and Jason had an edge to them that liked to push boundaries. Messing around with girls was fun, but so was this. Messing around with other boys was easier as few girls "gave it up" without 'it' being tied to commitment and the usual dating gauntlet. Except for Robert, with this group of boys, homosexual contact did not have the same social stigma as previous generations. Victor was happy-go-lucky and open to most anything. In a way, he was clean cut more like Robert, than the other two boys and was from a poor but loving Hispanic family. He had a nice cock as well; Robert was now finding this out as Victor's cock throbbed in his mouth. The boys were in a steamy pit of sexual arousal as the stirring in their very erect penises clouded any thoughts other than the pleasurable sensations emanating within.

As Robert sucked on Victor's cock, Jeremy and Jason were pulling down and off their pants. Pausing for a moment Robert pulled off Vic's cock as Vic tugged at Robert's shirt for him to pull it off as Vic pulled down and off his own pants. Standing up Robert peeled off his shirt and stood there topless in his jeans. Hesitantly Robert unfastened his pants as Jeremy urged him on with a "come on, let's see", followed by a "see I told you", as Robert's pants came down and the pair of panties he was wearing were revealed. Three hard, naked boys on a couch gawked as Robert finished stepping out of his pants and stood there in his sister's pretty white and pink panties. There was a lot of groping going on with Victor and Jason both feeling up Robert's panty clad penis. A few gasps of "nice", whispered out as Robert was being groped and fondled in his panties. Being groped by the other boys while wearing Beth's panties gave Robert a sensation of femininity that he had loved from the first time he presented himself in panties to Jeremy.

Regardless of the insinuation of being a fag or a sissy standing there in panties, the feeling of being touched and 'admired' sexually, Robert basked in this sensation of being on display. Being desired by girls wasn't something Robert had experienced, but being desired sexually by the three guys gave Robert a huge charge. And wearing panties and having his penis fondled in them diminished any guilt and shame he was feeling.

Jeremy tugged at Robert to return to the floor and thrust his penis outward for Robert to put into his mouth. Even though the boys were all playing with each other's cocks it was somewhat understood that Robert was there to service the boys' cocks in the same submissive manner he had been while alone with Jeremy. Robert sucked enthusiastically on Jeremy's cock before sandy blond headed Jason tugged at Robert to come down to the other end of the couch to attend to his cock. Inside Robert was rather ashamed of his implied role as the cocksucker of the group, but his own aching penis and hormone fueled arousal urged him on.

Yes, Jeremy told Robert that he fooled around with the other boys and that was somewhat true. But their fooling around was group masturbation to porn or magazines, just a little tentative touching of the other boys' penises but no kissing or cock sucking as Jeremy had with Robert. Jeremy told the other boy's he could get Robert to suck their cocks and he was right. Jeremy never let on to the others that it was he who initiated sexual contact in the first place, nor did he say anything about kissing and being naked alone with Robert. As Robert sucked in turn on the other boys' cocks, the room was a hush of squirming, moaning, lip smacking and various hands jacking on the other boys' penises or their own penis. Jeremy and Jason were getting close as Robert's mouth was clamped over Victor's nice cock.

The two boys on either side of Victor then took matters into their own hands and jacked off fiercely, cumming onto themselves a few minutes apart as Robert then grasped those two boys' sticky penises, with Victor's cock close to cumming in his mouth. The sexual tension was high as Victor's cock erupted into Robert's mouth. Robert was embarrassed to have the other boys see him suck off Victor but the ache in his own hard penis urged him on. Still, he was very hard as Jeremy and Jason wiped up, pulled up their pants, put their shirts back on and raced upstairs cracking jokes as Victor relished the sensation of Robert's mouth still affixed to his cock. Robert finally came up for air as Victor ran his hand gently across Robert's face. Finally, he pulled up his pants and put on his shirt as well.

As Victor got up, Robert stood there in the cute pink and white panties. With Jason and Jeremy upstairs, Victor fondled Robert's penis through the pink and white panties.

"You're hot," Victor told Robert as he continued to play with his penis. Robert felt a strange sensation with the attention Victor was giving him, almost like a romantic attraction. Robert leaned his face into Victor and was surprised how passionately Victor began kissing him. A few more tugs were all it took as Robert's penis ejaculated over Victor's hand and the cute panties. Victor then straightened up and bolted upstairs to join the other boys as Robert cleaned up, dressed and sheepishly left. In the few weeks before school ended Robert and Vic began a splendid affair. Victor would visit Robert at home while his mother and sister were at work, much like Jeremy had. Victor would also drive Robert out into secluded spots in the country where they could be alone together. Robert's homosexual affair with this other boy, with Vic, was quite tender and romantic.

With Victor, Robert played a role that evolved into an emotional attachment. They were passionate, hungry, homosexual lovers. At school Victor would say derogatory things about Robert in front of other kids to throw people off the trail. In truth they couldn't get enough "alone" time together. When they could, it was hungry kissing and groping each other usually ending with Robert sucking off Victor. He was sweet and kind to Robert and kindled Robert's sense of femininity. They kissed like lovers. They spoke sweet nothings to each other, called each other pet names. Victor told Robert he was pretty. Robert loved hearing that and loved presenting himself as girly, acting very feminine towards Victor, who reinforced that behavior. Whenever the opportunity presented itself, Robert wore panties, camisoles, bras, dresses for Victor, he even wore lipstick and makeup for Victor.

Coming home after the last day of school Robert was surprised to see mother's car in the drive on a day she would normally be at work. As he walked in the door she was waiting for him.

"Robert, we have to talk." She only called him "Robert" when he was in trouble or if there was a serious matter, otherwise she called him Bobby. This was a serious matter. "Robert, people are talking."

His mother sat him down and started scolding him, telling him what Beth told her about what people were saying about Robert in school. Mother told him about how easy it was for a boy's curiosity to lead him to stray. That both her and Beth could tell their clothing had been "molested" and that "it wasn't right for a boy to do this" and "that it would have to stop", "that he was not going to become one of those people like out in San Francisco". She went on about "the Lord this" and "the Lord that." No more hanging out with Jeremy or his friends. It had been decided that he would spend the summer in Ohio with his grandparents, she would put him on a bus the next day. Robert's confusion and shame was paramount that evening and he cried in bed much of the night.

Things in Ohio were quiet. His grandparents lived at the edge of a rural area, not on a farm but they had a few chickens and lived in an old wood framed house. It was so boring there in Ohio for Robert, yet he was stuck there for the summer. His grandparents were nice, he loved them, perhaps this was good for Robert to get straightened out in life. His grandparents had no idea the shame Robert carried inside, the shame his mother inflicted on him for his homosexual activities with other boys. The grandparents did not watch much television; the evening news and some stupid game shows or reruns of shows long since current. Grandad liked baseball and would watch a game on Saturdays.

This boring life for Robert was almost driving him crazy. As an outlet, he read books a great deal, so going to the municipal library gave him an activity to look forward to. Robert was afraid to masturbate, as inside his shame and frustration grew. Then there was church on Sunday. He had gone to church regularly with his mother but as he grew older and mother worked so much, it was less and less often. In Ohio, Robert suffered through the sermons and the hymns and the socializing afterwards with a quiet distaste. He was sure he was going crazy. Most of the local boys took no interest in Robert, he was an outsider, and his lithe androgynous features precluded any sporting activities with other boys.

One bright spot after church was that a girl took an interest in him. Melissa was cute and outgoing, perhaps a little overbearing, almost an Alpha personality to Robert's beta nature. Melissa got permission from Robert's grandparents to drive him up to McGregor State Park after church the third Sunday of his visit. Though he was shy and unsure of himself around Melissa, she took charge and being with her was something much more exciting than being around the grandparents. She was skinny and somewhat flat chested, with acne and shorter hair than most girls, not the kind of girl the handsome boys would chase. Plus, her 'Alpha' personality scared off most of the boys and she liked throwing her weight around with boys less knowledgeable about girls. Boys like Robert.

Robert was floored by Melissa's interest in him as his teenage hormones kicked into overdrive. His sex drive was always very powerful and discovering the charms of a girl - her scent, her looks, her pheromones - was driving the boy crazy with sexual arousal. His mind was cloudy as they walked in the park and ended up on log near a grassy spot overlooking the lake. They talked, well Melissa did most of the talking, as Robert was dumbfounded under her spell. She put her hand on his as she continued talking as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Inside Robert fireworks were going off. When Melissa leaned into Robert and kissed him, he melted into her as she led the way.