by BrettJ
You jumped back and forth between dad and lover, dad and ex-wife, lover and daughter... I liked the story, overall, but you might have inserted some breaks to let us, the readers, know when it was jumping between scenes.
Oh fuck you debauched fucker, absolutely fucking sucking wonderful. I am going to be one blissed up totally fucked up fucker for a long time after reading this. My girl friends (4) and I are going spend at least a week playing this one out, then start over as soon as we recover. Cunt lapping sex maniac Lanc's UK. More and more please.
I agree with Something, there should at least be a line of dashes indicating a scene change.
I did actually want it to seem very sudden, the jumping back and forth - but you have a valid point folks. It was a conscious choice on my part and I apologize. However - this has happened - when I've used the **** or dashes to indicate a scene break, they don't always work. If you notice a bit of extra spacing in my work, that often indicates where I put one. I thank you for your constructive criticism, much appreciated. ~~BrettJ
will we need part 2 so what is next for them maybe Tiffany girlfriends to join in this to we will see
Couldn't follow the action (if there was any) at all. Reading this was like eating Grape Nuts. Absolutely no sexually arousing parts here. Try to liven things up a bit.
Jill in Seattle
This story isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I hope its author treats the recent, mean-spirited anonymous comments with the indifference they merit — so much easier to be a hater than a maker.
Pure fuck lust, lots lush squirting cunt for sucking and fucking.I am going to act this out with three of my bisexual fuck buddies. So insanely hot,sex maniac gang banger.
No matter how good he is Al is going to struggle keeping up with his little family.
I love the story, but I didn't really like the slut shaming and such, no idea why people like that.
Not much build up as neither subtlety nor smooth segue were your long suit . . .