All Comments on 'Bum's Rush'

Wow great story, more please. What happens next? Babies, escape to civilisation?

good

Ditto previous comment - MORE, please!

Overall the story was good and entertaining action packed. My objection is the premise of getting the two on the island in the first place. Since you were going for a somewhat realistic story, Michael and Megan's initial acceptance stretches credulity.

They knew it was a set up and didn't raise it to ANYONE that could have stopped the dick?quit reading after the first page.

Great story please continue it!

Can't wait to see where you take this story.

I really enjoyed this story. Please continue with the next instalment.

An enjoyable story, thanks for sharing.

are they kinda slow ? or dump ? they know its set up bit go with it..? wth is wrong with them?

Pretty good story, until it started sounding like bad porn. And it was amazing how the chief learned perfect English in such little time. LOL

Yeah, I'm with the folks that said it's stupid that the siblings went to Panama even though they knew it was a trap. I didn't read past the first page, because of that.

Really enjoyed this. Thanks.

What a fantastic story. I hope you write a lot more!!!

That was a great story!!! but there needs to be more!!! like going home then coming back to live permanently!

Yeah the opening was horrible.

I couldn't finish the first page. The setup is utterly stupid. It's kind of sad, because had you come up with a reasonable excuse for them being stranded, it sounded like it had a lot of potential.

Sorry, I was interested but had to give up. Starting a new line for each sentence does not make easy reading. Try using paragraphs.

Pretty dumb. It seemed like the entire setup was contrived as an opportunity for the author to self-insert in order to demonstrate his knowledge of wilderness survival. It would have been much more plausible for them to be surprised by their stranding, rough it out for literally one day, then meet the tribe in the same manner. But I guess it would have cost the author the opportunity to describe, in tedious detail, what he would pack in preparation for a camping trip on an island.

Also, the language used to describe the sex is pretty ridiculous and detracts from any sense of romance or intimacy.

Missed opportunity to tell a believable story built around a classic premise.

I enjoyed the story but I wonder why the ship was not boarded for anything useful. There might of been a ship to shore radio.

Sorry, the story telling is bad. I agree with this commenter:

"Pretty dumb. It seemed like the entire setup was contrived as an opportunity for the author to self-insert in order to demonstrate his knowledge of wilderness survival."

It's full of "I did this", "here's what happened". There is no character development and no erotism.

A lot of good material but it's a bit too like an over-expanded comic strip to fully hold my attention.

This story is unreadable. You start a new line for every random action. Most of it is just boring variations of "We did this" and "We went there". I get the feeling that you can use a single paragraph to just sum up vast swathes of text.

Writing a story is about insight into characters thinking. For erotic stories doubly so.

I think there is already a good summation of my thoughts by an Anonymous commenter saying the setup was contrived. However, thanks for sharing this story with us.

I don't agree with some of the other comments. I think the story picked up a little slow for a writing posted on literotica.com. But in whole, it was decent. Everyone is a critic when they aren't the ones writing it.

Seriously, file a sexual harrassment suit. But then we wouldnt have a stoy would we?

I wont finish this story, although I did make it this far.

The narrrative does not mention clothing other than loincloths, no description of what women wore or the wedding attire.

After reading a number of comments, one thing sticks out - anonymous sure has a lot to say about disliking the story. :What's your name, little girl, what's your name. There ain't no shame, little girl..." Yes, I am calling all of the anon commentators ball-less little girls. Nut up and quit hiding.

That said, nice depiction of neolithic life. Nit pick detail: pigs are responsible, along with the domestic cat, with most of the devastation to native wildlife on islands in new world and the Pacific. That island must be huge to support pig sounders.

Still, nicely constructed so far.

Stopped right at the intro! He discovers, there is no Office an will never be? And is not going to the police and is preparing to be kidnapped?

Yes, this is a work of fiction, but this plot is even for fiction too stupid!

Boring, no character development because everything is in first person (Megan is a cardboard cutout) and way too long. Add the horribly described sex scenes (shit hole, really?) and this story deserves a negative 1.

4* Should have told the friends he had already had do the search for the 'island office' to raise the alarm if he didn't call them within a few days of arrival. He could do that without violating any halfway legal NDA.

I read up to page 5 but it wasn't my cup of tea. I had an issue with the entire premise being ridiculous for a start, you wrote it as though the main characters were walking the plank at gun point and had no other choice whereas the entire plot was uncovered at the outset and could have been easily avoided. Anyone at the company could have been questioned or made aware of the plot, they could have quit their jobs or even gone to the police instead of willingly flying to another country, getting on a charter boat and getting themselves stranded on an island. It's preposterous really.

Then there was the native tribe, accepting them into the fold far too easily, hunting and trekking without any real incident and then drinking a bit of alcohol so that brother and sister get busy. A series of unlikely events that unfolded very easily.

I like your story, with one caveat and a minor critique. The little shit first. One extra proofreading would have caught the spelling and grammatical errors. No big deal. I've enjoyed your other works. Now the part that's bugging me. If I were in this situation with a dickhead for a boss, if he were to send me out to bum fuck Panama, I would just quit and save myself the drama. And I love being outdoors and practicing my survival skills. If you ever decide to rewrite or publish this elsewhere, I would probably write it as a shipwreck ot plane crash, so they aren't willingly being led to the gallows. Then pick it up on the first night on the beach. Just my two cents. For whatever that's worth. Keep it up.

10

Well I'll be the odd man out and mention I'm enjoying the storyline - well done.

This is proof once again how ridiculously far people in love have to go to be together. Laws against relationships are against the free will in our personal lives that all adults should enjoy.

The premise for this was so cringe inducing I couldn’t get past the first page.

It would have been better to just have them fall off some cruise ship while on a vacation or something.

This felt more like someone who’s way to into survival stuff than erotica.

This story is probably the weakest plot-wise this author has written.

1/3 of the first page is just preparations for some BS trip that everyone knows is a trap (okay, I get it, the stalker is on a power-trip, but to set up such an elaborate affair - which plenty of actors that can act as witnesses against him, PLUS PAPER TRAIL - just cause he got dumped? SERIOUSLY?).

And all of that could've been avoided by a very simple act that any person with IQ over 80 would do: go to the cops. "Hello, officer, we have reasons to believe we're about to be murdered. Could you perhaps give us protection or tail us or something?". Wham, co-criminals busted, they blab, this leads to the main idiot being arrested; MC and sister alive and happy and out of danger. Or, barring that, just resign from the company.

There is a reason why in Panama City there is a well known saying "Not even a toilet flushes in Panama without the CIA knowing about it 5 seconds later!" Someone preparing such an elaborate conspiracy with dozens of people involved would've been uncovered immediately.

Instead we get all this elaborate shit with endless list of stuff he's buying (most of which is just dead weight) and bringing with even though he's pretty sure they're gonna die.

Ironically if he wanted a "stranded" story he could've just gone with the tried and true "we were on a yachting trip when a storm caught us and sunk our boat". Would've been much more believeable and far less cringy.