by lover1988
That took a few turns and was the exact opposite of what I thought it was gonna be...
As the rest of your stories this one was great but quite predictable from the first scene onwards, it might have been a bit more intriguing if you didn't start like as you gave away the big plot twist. It also carried a lot of similarities with J&J series, which in itself isn't that bad. But regardless of it I enjoyed the tale, the development of their romance and love, the trouble they shared, the good and willing friends they made and that in the end she got some sort of comforting happy end.
Not the best of ways to prepare the folks for Valentines day, then again it doesn't always work the way we want it to.
I only gave it a 4* but will be rooting for you in the competition!
Your writing is very descriptive and quite good but you need to read some more to improve your grammar. It really is a bit of a downfall. But it was imaginative and I enjoyed it on the whole.
While this is a incest story its also a story about true love. Get the kleenex you'll need it by the end.. Fantastic story! Thanks for sharing it!
TJ678
Um did you check to see if those phone numbers belong to someone? Usually, in all forms of fiction, the prefix is 555. Some tv shows or movies put in working prefixes but usually own that number and have an answering machine message that promotes the show or movie. There have been incidents where people have gotten unwanted calls because their number coincidentally appeared in fiction somewhere.
Other than the fact that I had the ending pegged down from the first page, it was still pretty good. Good luck in the contest!
I thought this story was great. I had a hard time seeing the words as my eyes were so watery.
I wished for a 1 page story and here I am almost 3 hours into the last line.
My head and neck hurts man.
The suicide attempt opening is an excellent device. Introducing the brother as a military member telegraphed the story but you did a very nice job of presenting the information. Sex was more romantic than I had expected.
Very good story.
Story, I am sucker for sad romantic stories.
I had it pegged from the beganing that he would get killed and she was knocked up after the rubber broke.
But this one is amazing!!!!! Absolutely amazing! Great job. Now if I can just stop crying...
I must admit I almost didn't read this story after I read the first part and read about the attempted suicide. I am so glad that I did, I am retired from the Army and have know many people that I later found out had died so this was a huge rear jurker for me.
this is the best I have read here. 5* and in my eyes should be at least 10
PB
This was generally a good story and held my attention all the way to the last scene where Lisa is reminiscing and telling her story to her daughters. The exchange between Lisa and her daughters cheapens the entire story and adds a tawdry air. Just my opinion.
Excellent and It was a tear jerker several times over . Thanks for a great read 5*'s too.
Hope you win your deserve it .
tx cracker
Loved their lovemaking, and the hair on Will's chest. A sad, bittersweet story. Full of memories for lia, no doubt!
Thank you to all who have commented. Even some of the negative ones. Things people have commented on, such as phone number and such. 453 isn't a valid area code like 555. As far as the other comments, yes I made some mistakes but overall, not enough to decrease the value in reading my story.
Thank you for the comments and the votes.
Nice job with this, not a lot of the bro and sis mentionings in the dialog, for me that's a killer. I like the sad tale as well, we see many happy endings here but this was nice because even through the tragedy there was still hope. The very end conversation seemed just a little over the top, almost like it didn't fit, maybe even cheapened what Lisa went through. I did like the story though. Happy to read more from you!
Like it but would have been better to keep them together. Know what Lisa would have felt. Been there.
I really liked this story but when you cut to the flashback I already knew what happen in the end. A friend of mine on this network wrote the same story.
A TERRIFIC STORY! JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF DRAMA, ROMANCE, AND VERY NICE SEX.
Wow! That was a beautiful, heart wrenching story. I like the fact that the sex wasn't overdone, and people weren't over endowed. Made it realistic.
great story, had a lot of name repeats and the likes ect. but a great story with a wonderful twist
that could make it real life. keep writing. yaaaa !!
thank you
All good until the part of her telling story to the twins. Should have left it out.