by BrettJ
A good start but it rather failed to achieve the climax at the end.
I've experienced something similar when getting to the end of a piece and finding the imagination tank running dry. I find it best to just put it on hold and leave it for a few days to recharge.
Just a suggestion for next time.
Hard to take off a top when it is a one piece, better wording would have been pulling the tops down.
The first screw was in her ass, so why did he pull his still hard cock out of her puss?
Once sober enough to be safe they went swimming? If she did not drink as much as lunch how would that be a concern?
Are they best friends or siblings? Siblings would be incest and legal concerns might be something to worry about, best friends not a problem legally. Just a detail that adds nothing to the story but does distract from it, as siblings is mentioned several times.
Premise is good, just needs some editing of the wording, and keeping up with the story line.
So, are they supposed to just be friends or, as in the quote above, are they sisters?
Thanks for catching that error. In the original draft, they were sisters but I decided to change it. I missed one bit, I suppose. I will change it shortly and re-send it.
"I thinking about divorcing Nicholas" is missing something...Please proofread more accurately.
Got two words in, and had to scroll down to the comments to tell you that you need to proofread or have an editor before submitting anything, ANYWHERE. Noticed from other comments that there were so many errors. Decided not to read. What a shame.