All Comments on 'Exploring Their Fantasies'

by BrettJ

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  • 8 Comments
Argonaut_1975Argonaut_1975about 10 years ago
A good start

A good start but it rather failed to achieve the climax at the end.

I've experienced something similar when getting to the end of a piece and finding the imagination tank running dry. I find it best to just put it on hold and leave it for a few days to recharge.

Just a suggestion for next time.

sandymonroesandymonroeabout 10 years ago

There was a nice tension among the characters. I really liked it.

smithbill1970smithbill1970about 10 years ago
not bad but needs proofing to be good.

Hard to take off a top when it is a one piece, better wording would have been pulling the tops down.

The first screw was in her ass, so why did he pull his still hard cock out of her puss?

Once sober enough to be safe they went swimming? If she did not drink as much as lunch how would that be a concern?

Are they best friends or siblings? Siblings would be incest and legal concerns might be something to worry about, best friends not a problem legally. Just a detail that adds nothing to the story but does distract from it, as siblings is mentioned several times.

Premise is good, just needs some editing of the wording, and keeping up with the story line.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
"Not to be outdone by her one-year younger sibling, ..."

So, are they supposed to just be friends or, as in the quote above, are they sisters?

BrettJBrettJabout 10 years agoAuthor
Screw up

Thanks for catching that error. In the original draft, they were sisters but I decided to change it. I missed one bit, I suppose. I will change it shortly and re-send it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
sorry...but a typo in the first sentence?

"I thinking about divorcing Nicholas" is missing something...Please proofread more accurately.

RoguesladyRoguesladyabout 10 years ago
Love it!

I thoroughly enjoyed this!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Too many grammar/spelling errors.

Got two words in, and had to scroll down to the comments to tell you that you need to proofread or have an editor before submitting anything, ANYWHERE. Noticed from other comments that there were so many errors. Decided not to read. What a shame.

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