Just Once - Once is All You Get End

"Yes. I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

I heard the tone and timbre of Cici's voice and I knew she was about to hit her stride. I saw Daniel standing to one side, listening. When he saw my face, he instantly knew what was on my mind. He spoke to one of Cici's brothers, who had also casually made his way close enough to hear. They came nearer, and I handed off the three boys to their grandfather and their uncle, as Cici let everything that she had been holding to vent in one explosive diatribe.

"Of course. If you and that sleazeball of an ex-husband of mine hadn't gone to Columbia to do the jungle mamba, I would never have met Rick. Christ! You had everything. You were well-respected in your field. Furthermore, you are obviously intelligent, and you do yeoman's work under difficult circumstances...you save lives! But, for the life of me, that intelligence must have taken a vacation because you let that sleazeball feed you his line of bullshit, and you fell for it hook, line and sinker. I can't believe that anyone as intelligent as Rick tells me you are, you would have hooked up with him. Beyond that, you turned your back on the kindest, most loving man I have ever met, apart from my father. I know what kind of husband he is. I know what kind of father he will be for my boys. Look at the kids he raised with you. Look at how he already dotes and loves my boys. No. OUR boys. I have slept with Trey Cardoza. I know what kind of lover he was. I know you know it too and that you understand that you traded a Ferrari for a piece of shit Fiat. So, thank you for pushing him to me. I feel lucky that I got to him when I did because I am certain the line of women would have wrapped around the block to bump uglies with this absolute stud. It was your stupid decisions that have made me the happiest woman in the world and given my kids the best father I could ask for. So, inviting you to attend to say thank you personally was the least I could do."

Marcy looked dumbstruck. She stuttered and then managed to get out a half question, half statement.

"You're Trey's ex?"

"Oh yes."

Marcy looked at us. What she failed to notice is that both my kids and their wives, Cici's brothers and sisters, and half the guests, including Deidre and Caroline, were stopped and listening intently.

Marcy sobbed as she glared vacuously into the air. Then, to her credit, she gathered herself together and remarkably spoke very calmly and quietly.

"Then I am glad something good came of all that. Congratulations and good luck. Rick, would you grant me a few minutes, privately?"

Cici bristled, and I moved close to her, ready to wrap an arm around her waist before she destroyed her $2,000 wedding dress.

"This is my wedding day, Marcy. I am here celebrating my new life with my family, so it would be most inappropriate for such a discussion."

Cici turned and smiled at me. She was back in control and I saw that angelic look in her eyes.

"Oh, Rick, I think you two should talk, perhaps tomorrow or the next day."

Marcy turned on her heel and to walk away. It was only then that I realized that Deidre had maneuvered herself directly behind Marcy so that when she turned, she came face to face with Marcy. I started forward, but I was seconds too late. I saw Deidre's hand come up as the open palm struck Marcy's cheek. The crack of flesh on flesh punctuated the scene that was playing out. Deidre leaned in close to Marcy, almost touching noses.

"You bitch. Even if I wanted a man, it would never have been Rick. I knew how much he loved you and I would never get inside that. We both nearly got killed. We didn't know if we weren't going to end up dead anyway. Until you find yourself in that kind of situation, you should be careful about making judgements."

I have to give Marcy credit. She didn't go ballistic. She didn't wail, bawl, or even hyperventilate. She just looked at Deidre, rubbed her cheek and walked around Deidre, headed straight out to where the cars were parked. Everyone watched. I looked at my kids to see what they would do. Neither one made a move except to turn to Cici and smile. Daniel stepped between Cici and I, putting a hand on each of our shoulders.

"Hey! It's my turn to dance with my daughter. You don't mind, do you, Rick? Let's get this party gear."

&&&&&

I woke up the next morning. Sunlight was streaming into the bedroom through the slits in the curtains. I smiled contentedly. I could feel the soft warmth of a body next to mine, one leg thrown over my leg and an arm laying across my chest. A small voice whispered in my ear.

"Morning sleepy head."

I looked down into those soft eyes.

"Good morning, my beautiful wife."

She giggled.

I stretched languidly and rolled over, looking down at her.

"What's on for today?"

"Nothing. Anything. Consuela and Dad have the kids, and they are gone to town. Your kids and their families are at the pool, I think. I heard someone out there a while ago. My brothers will be back about lunch with their horde. We will have to get up at some point and be social. Until then, you could make sure this marriage is properly consummated."

"Didn't I do well enough last night?"

"Let's just say you made a start. I am pretty sure that part of the ceremony will need to be constantly refreshed."

I laughed. Then I did.

Later, we headed out to the pool. My kids were there. I was happy that both of my kids had taken to Cici without problems. Cici and my daughter were soon whispering and giggling conspiratorially as I sat with my son, wondering what I was in for now. The kinds were all in the pool, doing their level best to splash every drop of water onto the concrete surround.

It wasn't long until Cici's brothers came through the house. Their kids were already in swimsuits and were screaming to get into the fray in the water. I stood and shook hands with them and was surprised to get a hug from each of what were now in-laws.

I looked around contentedly. I did feel a pang of remorse. This was what I had always envisioned that Marcy and I would have one day. It took a lot of heartache and grief to finally get here. I think Cici saw me pondering things and the look in my eyes. I was a bit surprised when she plopped down in my lap and put an arm around my neck.

"Let me see if I can guess what you are thinking."

"Ok, Svengali, read my mind."

She giggled. God, I loved that sound.

"You are thinking about what could have been under other circumstances. You are realizing that what is now is much more than you had ever anticipated. You wonder how to put all your emotions finally to rest on this issue so we can make our future, hand in hand, without any baggage."

"How the hell do you know that?"

She grinned a sly grin.

"You remember once I asked how you and Dad could communicate without saying anything?"

"Yeah."

"Anyone truly in love can do the same thing. Go ahead. Try it. What am I thinking?"

I looked into her eyes and then leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Cici. We can't do that with all the kids and adults here. God. You are wicked."

She nearly fell off my lap laughing. Then she recovered and looked at me solemnly.

"You do need to close out the thing with Marcy."

"I think that chapter is put away."

"No. You still wonder what you did that caused it. You have got to hear it from her."

I sighed resignedly. I knew she was right but I really didn't want to have to deal with Marcy again.

"Will you come with me?"

"No. This is a solo mission."

My shoulders sagged.

"Ok. I'll call her later."

"I already called her. She is staying at the Ambassador. She is expecting you at three o'clock in the restaurant."

I shook my head, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into.

I walked into the Ambassador restaurant about one minute past three. I saw Marcy at a table just inside the door, sitting where she could watch. I walked over and pulled out the chair across the table from where she sat.

"Hello Marcy."

"Hello Rick. That was a beautiful ceremony. Cici is spectacular, and her family is wonderful. You are lucky."

"I am and I know it. Marcy. I want to clear the air. When I first found out about you and Cardoza, I wanted to put both of you in a hole and backfill it completely. I did my best to destroy you both."

"You certainly did a thorough job. I understand Trey is in so deep that they have to pump sunlight into his cell. Half the Board of DWB are looking at jail time as well. The other half have lost any standing or credibility in the medical and social circles. The hospital went bankrupt and was sold. I nearly lost my job, but several of my old colleagues went to bat for me."

"I know. I eventually heard all about it. You seem to have weathered it better than anyone."

She nodded.

"It has been hard. I have been through a bunch of therapy and counseling. I think I am finally sorting it all out."

"Then maybe you can tell me what the hell I did wrong, how I screwed up our marriage so badly that you had to take that kind of action. What did I miss? What could I have done differently?"

Marcy asked the waiter for another cup of coffee. I declined and sipped water instead.

"Rick. You never did anything. I realize now that I overthought that situation with Deidre. After you quit flying and were home every day and every night, things got into a rut. I didn't see you as the dashing pilot anymore. You were a desk jockey. Then Trey came along, and he seemed much bigger than life. I forgot what was important. I forgot about us. I was only thinking about myself.

I saw you that day at the airport. As the FBI was leading me away, I saw you standing and watching. I saw the hatred and the anger in your eyes. I knew then that things were going to get a lot worse. They did. They still are. I can't seem to attract a nice, decent man. The only offers I get are from sleazeballs who want to get under my skirt, thinking I am an easy touch. My reputation is history. Even the hospital, that kept me on, has clarified that I am a pariah. I am no longer considered for promotions or positions of authority. I have a job. That is all. No future. No prospects."

I listened and watched her. She was pained and seemed to be contrite. Still, something bothered me.

"I understand Marcy. But there is one thing that you haven't said or even come close to expressing."

She looked confused.

"What?"

"You have never said you were sorry for breaking your vows, even when you knew the truth."

I saw the flicker of understanding cross her face. She started to speak, but I cut her off.

"It's too little too late. You never would have thought of it if I hadn't put it on the table. You still can't bring yourself to own that your decisions and your actions are the only reasons for what happened. I see now that you still have a long way to go before you really embrace what you did. I hope that, in time, you can make that breakthrough. Good luck, Marcy."

I stood without another word and left the restaurant. I didn't look back. I couldn't hear anything apart from the sounds of China and silverware in the restaurant. I stepped out into the sunshine, stopped and looked up at the blue sky. I grinned and, for the first time in months, I didn't have a cloud hanging over me.