All Comments on 'Lucky Man Ch. 22'

MC, you know I really love your imagination, kinkiness, and attention to detail. However, it is quite apparent you don't have an editor, and if I weren't such a busy guy, I'd volunteer. But as I mentioned in the comments for ch. 21, it appears that Dunc and Kelly are going off the rails. They barely have any time for each other, and I see their re-energized marriage falling apart. While this swinging experiment brought them closer together at first, now they are so involved with others, that by my count, it's been two weeks since they even had sex with each other! At the orgy, he just watches Kelly get railed, while he is serviced by some other girls? And yes, the mention of Sam, which is a small oversight on your part....I'm trying to give constructive criticism, because you're my favorite Lit author, but this is the first time I've not given a 5 and a favorite to you in quite a while. An editor is needed for content, not spelling or grammar. I hope you can figure this out, man! Don't give up. It's just in need of a readjustment, a little nudge towards relative normalcy in a fair and loving relationship. Sorry for my harshness, but I'm being very honest. Tony B.

@tooby: sorry dude, Duncan and Kelly had sex in this one, albeit sex-texting with her ex. Spent a night together even, even though their sex was barely covered.

I do agree on the editor comment though, the word 'pleasure' was used over 30times in this chapter, twice in ine sentence even... "Fingers of pleasure began to pulse slowly outward, sending tingles of pleasure through her body." And another time used the same phrase...

"Grunting in pleasure, he pulled down hard on Stacy's hips, his cock buried deep in the young pussy. She groaned a happy, deep sounding rumble of approval as he grunted in pleasure".

I too love these Series, but LM is done. There's almost no effort going into the sex scenes (Kelly didn't even have a goodbye romp with her boss, ffs!) and he's constantly repeating whats happened before and now even repeating threads from other stories, 25% of this chapter was recapping Sam's experiences from MSMM... Wind it up.

I've secured another editor and he's going to be looking at the story again. It will be resubmitted with the appropriate changes.

Sam was originally in the last scene, as an observer. Her name being there is just something I missed when I switched her with Marie. I've submitted a change already for that mistake.

Thank you for the criticisms!

While I agree with the previous comments about you needing an editor (most do), I still thought it deserved a 5.

From the way the last chapter ended and part of this one, I was expecting Sam to be more involved. She has turned me on since the first time she was mentioned in the other story. I also have a thing for twins (most of us do), redheads, and tight teens getting railed by older well hung men, so with or without an editor, I almost always enjoy your stories.

I enjoyed the entire story immensely, it covered an entire progression but the last few chapters left a lot of questions about some characters, and the story seems unfinished.

I also thought Sam should have been an observer to the Kara & Kelly show with Sam not joining in but getting herself totally naked & openly masturbating while watching & her being watched by others at the same time.

Sam knowing within herself she had where she really wants to be moving on with her life.

As Kara is going to become pregnant I am also imagining Sam replacing Kara working for Duncan.

Sam in her own way & time will become another Kelly, stronger more self confident & far more uninhibited surprising even her sisters & her parents as she hides nothing becoming both the voyeur & exhibionistbeing driven by her imagination & her cunt!

i get you wanting to have Kelly doing the cam show thing because the office slut facet of her character is getting a bit stale and it's time to move on from it. my problem is the logic that's used to justify this, protecting her marriage. the cam show part, i can give a pass on. ok, stay home more and there's less risk. i just don't see how her doing more porn with random strangers could in anyway what so ever help in protecting her marriage.

still enjoying the series. please keep writing.

Another Editor, and "fixed some changes" ... yet between the two of you, this is still left in...

"He grunted in pleasure, kissing her again but not slowing as he thrust, his cock hammering into her punishingly fast, her orgasm slamming into her as he grunted in pleasure. "

What exactly are ye editing?? Did it take two of you to fix the " Sam" error,,,

I look forward to some more good work of yours because good work like this is hard to find amongst the other good work. Keep up the good work,

I enjoyed the series, I was able to really get into the characters.

I actually found myself smirking at some of the lighter moments.

I hope you are working on chapters to this story line.

I am interested in how Sam's character comes into the story more.

Curious to see how you tie in Kara's wish into the storyline.

I have now re-read this chapter, as I always do before reading the next one you published. I see you fixed a bunch of things, and I really appreciate the attention. You got my "favorite" point now ;)

I know the story is fiction but come on, a man who loves his wife has a fantasy of other men gangbanging his wife in front of an audience of his friends and she agrees to do it? Not much of a marriage based on love and respect!

I started reading this story because it was in the “Loving Wife” category thinking Duncan and Kelly would continue to be a loving couple having kinky sexual adventures together. However, this chapter with Kelly’s emotionless gangbang, instigated by her husband, has taken this story too far off the loving wife theme for my taste. Kelly is now nothing more than a cum dump slut for any and every guy to fuck in all her holes. Duncan is nothing more than a guy with a big cock for every woman to play with and ride. Also what happened to not wanting to have an open marriage. Time to find a story that has a progressive plot with characters that have emotions and sticks to its

initial premise.

Ok, so what was Sam's story? If you are referring to another story you wrote, you need to include a pointer to it, or an acknowledgement in a prologue or afterword.