My Sister Set Me Up on a Blind Date

"Have you forgiven Mandy for going to Europe?"

"Umm...No. It really pisses me off that she'd suddenly unilaterally change our relationship. Our relationship had been all about communication and mutual agreement. When she gets back from Europe, we'll meet and talk things over. I'll decide then if I want to get back together with her." The more I got over the shock of our breakup, the more doubtful I was that we'd get back together. "Regardless, I'm looking to date someone this summer; somebody to have fun with. Speaking of that, I hope I wasn't too pushy when I asked you to set me up with a cheerleader."

"It didn't bother me but don't ask me again. I don't keep track of the love lives of other cheerleaders."

"Okay."

"Anyone at your work you're thinking of asking out?"

"There's someone my age who has expressed interest in me." I paused for the punch line. "She's a mother of two."

Ashlynne laughed. "I'm guessing that you don't want an insta-family."

I shrugged. "It's not the end of the world, but she's not special."

"What do you consider special?"

"Smart. Good-looking. Fun, ambitious, nice personality, and fit."

Ashlynne nodded her head. "Girls who are good-looking, fun, nice personality, and fit get snapped up pretty fast. Guys aren't that interested in ambitious smart girls, so most girls have learned to act not smart. But overall, you're not likely to date someone special here."

I wasn't surprised. The joys of small-town life. "You said way back that you want to go out with a smart athlete. How come? Why not just someone smart or just an athlete?"

"He definitely has to be smart. I'm not going to play dumb for some guy. As for being an athlete, it's what's attractive to me. As a cheerleader, I was around athletes all the time, and I'm used to muscular guys. Thin, little nerds have no appeal. I'm hoping I'll have better luck at the university than I've had here." Ashlynne and I were going to be attending the same public university. "I've had lots of dates, but I haven't met a guy that I wanted as a boyfriend."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I've been so busy all through high school. Cheerleading took up a huge amount of time, and classes took up most of the rest. If I was going to make time for a guy, he had to be something special, and I didn't meet anyone that special." Ashlynne closed her book. "Time for me to be off. Would you please take my dish when you take yours?"

"Sure."

I watched as Ashlynne stood and left the room. It was hard for me to believe that someone as hot as her couldn't find a boyfriend. I did know that nobody had worked harder at cheer than her. Nobody had outstudied her. I had worked hard at wrestling and my studies, but not as hard as Ashlynne had. So her not having time for a boyfriend sounded plausible. She would have time this summer for one, but then she would have to study, study, study at college if she was going to get into med school.

Ashlynne had always been the one my parents had been the most proud of. Growing up, I had played a variety of sports and had been good but not great at all of them. Ashlynne had also played a variety of sports but had been great at cheer right away. When I had settled on wrestling, Mom and Dad had been supportive but never excited. Whenever they had talked to friends and family, they had always started with the latest news on Ashlynne's cheerleading and then had discussed my wrestling if they had time. Now, they were over the moon about Ashlynne becoming a doctor while they were merely pleased that I was going to be an engineer.

I had to admit that I had done a lot of mean things to Ashlynne over the years. I had started most of our fights. I had loved to mock her about not being able to spell her own name correctly. But now that we weren't fighting, it was hard for me to remember why I had been always so angry at her. Was it because I was really angry at my parents for so obviously favoring her? If so, how was that her fault?

* * * *

The next Monday, I was on my second bowl of Cap'n Crunch when Ashlynne came into the kitchen. I nearly spewed my food - Ashlynne was wearing a nightshirt.

One night when Ashlynne was thirteen, she decided that she didn't want me to see her in her nightshirt anymore. Whatever. I hadn't been checking her out - she was my sister. But her decision that I was such a perv that I had to be checking her out pissed me off. And she had always treated me like a perv. Once she was in a nightshirt, I couldn't come into her room. If I had to talk to her, she'd crack open the door a tiny bit and hide behind it so I couldn't see any of her as we talked. If our parents wanted her to come out of her room while she was in a nightshirt, I had to stay in my room. Every time she treated me like a perv, it pissed me off, and I did something later to get back at her.

"What are you reading?" asked Ashlynne.

"Uncle Tom's Cabin."

"What? Why are you reading that?"

We had had breakfast together all last week. Without Mom and Dad to rouse us out of bed, we both got up at about the same time. Ashlynne was down later than usual, and I had slowed my eating so that I was still at the dinner table when she appeared. I had come to enjoy our morning talks before we went our separate ways for the day.

"I should have read it for History during my freshman year, but I waited too long and had to make do reading up on it online. It was in my room, and I thought 'What the hell?'"

"How do you like it?"

"Not bad, but I can handle it only so long."

Once Ashlynne had her yogurt and cereal, she joined me.

"You're wearing a nightshirt."

Ashlynne blushed. "Yeah. I didn't feel like getting dressed yet. I'm going to have to get used to boys seeing me in my nightshirt when I live in the dorms."

She seemed very embarrassed. Was that why she was late coming down this morning - building up the courage to let me see her in a nightshirt?

"What are you reading?" I asked.

"It's a book about patients with bizarre neurological disorders. It's interesting yet weird."

She told me about some of the patients.

Out of left field, Ashlynne said, "You've changed."

"That happens. But don't tell Mom and Dad."

Ashlynne smiled. "You don't treat me like I'm a little brat anymore. You treat me like I have a brain."

"You do."

"You treat me with respect, like I'm your equal."

"I wouldn't go that far," I said slightly sarcastically.

Ashlynne chuckled. "I wish other guys would treat me that way."

"How do they treat you?"

"It's hard to describe. They put me on a pedestal. They're intimidated by me. They really want to impress me."

"Like a celebrity?"

"Yeah," said Ashlynne a little surprised.

"I've lived in the big city for two years now. Small-town celebrities don't impress me."

Ashlynne laughed. "Have you been going to the gym?"

"Every weekday."

"Would you mind if I joined you?"

"Not at all."

"I haven't had any kind of exercise since the end of the school year, and I'm starting to feel out of shape. Could I ask a big favor?"

"Ask."

"If some guy keeps talking to me and won't take the hint that I'm not interested, would you please shoo him away?"

"Certainly."

* * * *

The next Monday, I was the one who came into the kitchen second. Ashlynne was in a nightshirt. She had worn a nightshirt to breakfast through Friday, had come down dressed on the weekend when Mom and Dad were home, and was now back to a nightshirt. By now, we were spending quite a bit of time with each other. We were both still tentative around each other, like we expected the fighting to start back up at any time. But as the summer had gone on, the conversations had gotten longer, and the laughs had come more easily.

Once I was seated at the table with my bowl of cereal, Ashlynne asked, "You have this Friday off, right?"

"Right." Friday was my only day off.

"Well, I've been discretely asking around about someone who might be interested in going out with you, and I've set you up for a blind date Friday night."

"Really? With who?"

"Someone you wouldn't know. I met her at a cheerleading camp a couple of summers ago. We hit it off and have stayed in touch. She's very smart, good-looking, fun, and is very nice. She lives an hour away from here. Is that too far?"

"No. Not for someone like that."

"She'll meet you at 5:30 at the outside tables at Chipotle. She'll be wearing a T-shirt with a unicorn on it." Ashlynne gave me a piece of paper. "Here's the address."

"Thanks, Ashlynne." I got up and gave her a hug. "This is awesome. I wasn't expecting this. I'm so excited. Thanks again."

* * * *

All week, I looked forward to going out. Ashlynne wouldn't tell me anything more about my date other than to assure me that she indeed had all the traits I was looking for. I was getting very bored at home and was excited about the possibility of having someone to do things with.

I arrived a few minutes early for my date, wasted some time texting Ashlynne that I had made it safely, and then walked to the outside tables. One person was waiting there - Ashlynne.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think?"

Then it struck me - she was wearing a t-shirt with a unicorn on it.

"Oh come on, Ashlynne! Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"No. Sit down." I sat down. "I did ask around about girls for you to go out with. I also asked around about guys I could go out with. Then I realized that you're the type of guy I want to go out with, and I'm the type of girl you want to go out with. So why don't we go out?"

"Because we're brother and sister."

"And we fought like cats and dogs for years. But we've been getting along great this summer. When I described me to you, weren't you excited about going out with me?"

"Yeah but..."

"Was it an accurate description?"

"Yeah but...weren't you going to be staying at a friend's this weekend?"

"Yes. Her parents are divorced, and her dad lives here. She stays with him every weekend, and I tagged along this time."

This was very weird, like one of those oddball neurological cases in Ashlynne's book. No way was I going out with my sister.

"Please, Todd. Just for once, I want a great date. Nobody knows us here. Show me what it's like to go out with a nice, smart athlete."

I opened my mouth to tell her no, that it was a stupid idea, and that I couldn't believe she had wasted my Friday. Then I closed my mouth. We had been getting along so well this summer, and I didn't want to go back to fighting all the time. If I embarrassed her by saying no, how would she take it?

"We'll pretend it's a true blind date," said Ashlynne. "Two strangers having fun together. Please, Todd. Just this once. I'll never tell a soul. What's the harm?"

What would be the harm? Actually, wouldn't it be good? To show my sister how a guy should treat her on a date? She was very assertive, and once she knew how a guy should treat her, I felt that she would be able to steer dates that way.

But I couldn't date my sister. That was sick. Nobody dates their sister. Even a sister as hot as Ashlynne. How would I react to her around the house if I had been out on a date with her? What if the date was a flop? Wouldn't we revert back to our cycle of constantly fighting? And what if our date was a success? That'd be awkward as hell.

I looked at Ashlynne. She wasn't saying anything but had a pleading look on her face. This was obviously important to her.

I couldn't date my sister. I could date anyone else in the world, but I couldn't date my sister. Yes, she had all the traits I was looking for in a date, but she was still my sister.

I asked, "So, Grace, how would this date work?" Grace was Ashlynne's middle name. "Am I paying for everything or are we going Dutch?"

Ashlynne frowned briefly then smiled. "Well, Oliver." Oliver was my middle name. "As you didn't ask me out, I was thinking we would go Dutch."

If we were going Dutch, then it wouldn't be a real date. This would be a show date, where I showed Ashlynne how guys should act on a date. I could live with that.

"Grace, do you want to have dinner here? This is my favorite fast-food place."

"Your sister told me that. This is fine."

We went in, ordered, got our food, and sat down to eat. We both continued to act as if it was a true blind date and that we didn't know anything about each other.

"Where are you going to go college?" I asked. Ashlynne named a university. "That's where I go! I'm an engineering major. What are you going to major in?"

"Pre-med."

The answers that 'Grace' gave were always true for Ashlynne. I could have made up a different life story for Oliver, but I wanted to keep things simple and kept to what was true for me.

Ashlynne asked, "Have you read any novels lately?"

"I finished Uncle Tom's Cabin yesterday."

We talked about how Uncle Tom's Cabin, Twelve Years a Slave, and Huckleberry Finn compared. Somehow that led to comparing the Avenger movies with the X-Men movies. As we headed out the door, we were onto parallels between gay marriage and the civil rights movement.

"What do you want to do next, Grace? A movie?"

"How about mini-golf?"

"I'll warn you that I swing a mean putter."

"Guys always brag about what's swinging between their legs."

I laughed. That was not a comment I ever expected my sister to say. She was such a goody-two-shoes that she never swore or said anything sexually suggestive.

Ashlynne had already picked out a mini-golf place, and it was busy when we arrived, but not nuts busy. We'd play a hole, talk about plot holes in movies we had seen recently, and then when the family in front of us finished the next hole, we'd play on.

"Let's take a break for a little bit," said Ashlynne as she pointed to a bench. It was a bench slightly off the course that I guessed was for parents to sit as they watched their kids play. We walked over and sat down.

"I want to drop out of Grace-and-Oliver mode for a bit," said Ashlynne. "This is exactly what I want on a date - having fun while having intelligent conversation. Why is it so hard for me to find a date like this?"

"Let me tell you what I think Mandy would say. It's because you live in a patriarchal small town where men are men and women are to admire their manliness. Dates are shows where the guy is the star, performing feats of manliness. The girl is to be attractive, which you're good at, and be appreciative of their manliness, which I'm guessing you suck at. Relationships are based around the model of earned physical affection - the guy earns it, and the girl gives him what he has earned."

Ashlynne looked at me openmouthed for a while and then said, "That's what Mandy would say. What would you say?"

"I'm not going to say she's right, but I'll say that it feels to you that she's right."

"You have changed." Ashlynne shook her head. "And here I always thought of you as a big jerk."

I flinched. That had been her standard insult for me. There was something about bringing it up after I had gone along with her stupid blind date idea that really ticked me off.

Ashlynne put her hand on my knee. "I hope I didn't offend you with that."

"No, that didn't offend me. I hope this doesn't offend you, but I've always thought of you as an entitled princess."

"An entitled princess?!"

"Yeah. You always got what you wanted from Mom and Dad. When I got my driver's license, I somehow became Ashlynne's taxi service."

"Mom and Dad told me to have you drive me to all my cheerleading stuff."

"QED! And did you ever say please or ask if it would be too much trouble? Never! Instead, it was always 'Todd, drive me here! Drive me there!' 'Todd, don't do anything this afternoon because you have to pick me up.'"

"Maybe I would have asked nicely if you would have talked to me. I could never get more than a monosyllable out of you as you sulked in the driver's seat."

"How would you have felt if your life was controlled by a fucking entitled princess?" Anger over so many slights came boiling out. "Do you know why I never talked to you? Because you kept squealing on me to Mom and Dad. Why the hell should I've talked with you when you constantly plucked some little tidbit out of what I told you and presented it to Mom and Dad in the worst possible light?"

Ashlynne said nothing.

"And what about the stuff you found out about me at school? Who told Mom and Dad that I had two six-packs hidden away in the garage?" Guilty silence. "Who told Mom and Dad that Emily Thompson had been sexting me." Emily Thompson had been a classmate who flirted with guys by sending topless selfies. "I lost my fucking cell phone because of that and had to use a damn flip phone that couldn't receive texts or emails. Do you know how embarrassing that was?"

More silence. I seethed with anger. I waited, hoping for the apology that I felt I had deserved for years.

Finally, Ashlynne said, "You did so many mean things to me, and you were so much bigger than me. Tattling was the only way I could get back at you."

That was it. No fucking apology. No regrets.

"Date's over," I said with controlled fury. "I'm taking you to your friend's house."

I took Ashlynne's club and ball and turned all of our stuff in at the cash register.

"Did you have a good time?" asked the cashier.

"Great!" I said sarcastically.

I turned and saw that Ashlynne had joined me. She looked very small. I was still smoldering.

We walked silently to my car. When we had initially arrived at the mini-golf place, I had opened the door for Ashlynne, but she could fucking well open it herself now. By the time I had the car started, Ashlynne's phone was giving me directions. We drove without talking.

Finally, the baggage between us had been pulled out. We had fought like cats and dogs for years for damn good reasons. We had plenty of hurts to hold grudges for. We had danced around our baggage the whole summer, pretending that it wasn't there; but it was always there. It was why Ashlynne had known nothing about my life at college. It was why I had been willing to tell her about my life at college when I did - because she had given me plenty to retaliate with if she squealed to Mom and Dad. It was why even a short, pleasant conversation at breakfast each morning had seemed revolutionary. Yes, hardly speaking for nine months had allowed some wounds to close, but they were far from healed.

I heard Ashlynne mutter, "Us going out together was a stupid idea."

My first instinct was to agree, but the way she said it pulled me up short. Her voice was filled with such pain. Her tone made me want to put my arm around her and tell her that it'll be okay.

That was when I realized why we had gotten along so well this summer - it had started with Ashlynne asking me to protect her, and I had loved it. I had been her hero when I picked her up at the party. She had intentionally made herself vulnerable to me when she had agreed to me going in the house first after the party, and I had risen to the occasion. Then she had asked me to shoo guys away when we went to the gym. I had never been protective of Ashlynne before, but now I was. Maybe it was because I had wanted to be protective of Mandy, and she had never let me.

When I stopped in front of Ashlynne's friend's house, I decided to try to salvage the evening. "Ashlynne, I'm sorry that I lost my temper. I'm sorry that I've been holding on to all these hurts. I did many, many things to hurt you, and I felt justified doing every single one of them. And I'm sure it's the same for you. But we're adults now. It's time to move past all that. I promise to not intentionally hurt you and to talk to you if you promise to not act entitled around me and to not to squeal to Mom and Dad about me."

I waited. To my surprise, Ashlynne didn't quickly agree. She was bent over in her seat, staring at the glove box. She looked miserable. Finally, she said, "I can't agree to that, Todd. You were right - I am an entitled princess. I always expect to get my way. Maybe it's because Mom and Dad spoil me. Maybe it's because I'm so much better than everyone else at everything I care about. I hate that I act that way. It's hurt many friendships. It's probably why I'm so lousy at dating. I wish I was some other way, but I'm not." Ashlynne turned to me. "Do you want to know why I arranged this blind date for us?"