On the Therapist's Couch

"Telling you this will be very hard, but I want to get it off my chest. I'm so glad you're here, I honestly thought I'd never see you again and would have to live with my guilt," Daniel was fidgeting with the pencil again as he spoke.

"This goes back to the stories you wrote. Perhaps you should never have sent them and perhaps I should never have read them, but I did. I told you about my relationship with Kenny. He was the only guy I ever had a same sex relationship with. When you told me about your life and sexual experiences, I was more than fascinated, I was enthralled at a remarkable similar connection we shared from both sides of the equation. Honestly, some of the people that come in here tell me stupid boring stuff - "my wife doesn't love me anymore so I bought a new truck" or "my dad ignored me so I slept around a lot", occasionally I will get sex or gambling addicts in here. What I told you about my affair with Kenny, it made everything you told me about your life sound like the sweetest wine hearing you tell these things. I perked up and loved every word I heard from you about your life. I don't think you noticed; I did my best to hide my fascination."

"Now, getting back to the stories you wrote, I must have read nearly every one of them you had posted on that site, some of them two or three times. Your grasp at erotic detail is beyond compare. How could I read these stories and not get aroused? I was so hard it hurt. I'd stay up late after Candice went to bed and yes, I did masturbate to the stories. Many times. I'm not generally a masturbator and my sex life with Candice was decent up to that point. But your stories hooked me. In the six days from when I started reading the stories and when you came back that last day, I had masturbated to them easily over a dozen times."

"When you made the comment about me masturbating to them behind my wife's back, you called my bluff without even knowing it. Maybe you did know the stories would make me masturbate to them, you had to know they are lovely erotica and reading gay porn is not on my reading list. At least it wasn't till I started reading your stories. When you made that comment about me masturbating to your gay stories behind Candice's back, it freaked me out, I snapped at you and responded the way I did. Then when you fell apart, I was mortified. I admired you, was in awe of your honesty about your sexuality and yes, I suppose I had more than just professional feelings towards you. I had no intention of a physical or emotional relationship with you, you know we can't because of the waiver we signed, but I did have a crush on you."

"When you left in tears and then ended therapy, I felt horrible. I had never been so emotionally distraught in my life. I'm not like that, I'm even keeled, boring some would say about me, emotionless. I had been having marital issues with Candice before you started therapy with me, then it spiraled out of control. She nagged at me. I snapped at her. Then in the bedroom, disaster. I couldn't get hard for her. I never had ever issues with that, never. So, I can't get hard for Candice and yet my boners ache hard reading your stories? I was a wreck. As our marriage floundered, I went to a few gay bars, not to hook up with guys but in the vain hope that I might run into you as you said you went to gay bars upon occasion when Katie was at her folks. It was stupid for me to do that; I was grasping at straws."

"Why didn't you text or call or email?" I asked.

"It's not appropriate for a therapist to contact a client over personal feelings. What if your wife had seen them? I wanted to...," Daniel seemed nervous as his voice trailed off. "Is it okay if I ask you a few questions?" Daniel then asked. "I know this is strange today with me telling you all this."

"Go ahead," I said, though I was at that point looking forward to my exit from his office.

"Did you ever have any erotic fantasies towards me in the sessions we had before?" Daniel asked. "Improper of me to ask, and you don't have to answer, but you have such a vivid erotic imagination."

"Well, I suppose," I told him.

I supposed I could humor him, though the luster of my coming in that day had long since faded and I questioned why I even had come. I was ready to move on with my life. It amused me that he thought I had "such a vivid erotic imagination." He had no idea. As I masturbate, my mind is like a series of porn video clips scrolling scatter shot at high speed, then often settling on a specific scene that I zero in on as I bring my mind and cock in unison to climax. For the longest time the idea of being a femme boi or gay femme wife to a boyfriend or husband as they fucked me, often took me over the edge as I furiously masturbated to that thought, while gay and sex images scrolled by on my laptop or phone.

I thought for a minute, as yes, I had sexual fantasies involving Daniel when I talked with him about my sex life. Talking with him about my homosexual activities, naturally I was curious in my mind what it would be like having sex with him, after all he was a handsome, intelligent guy. More than once I wondered what he would look like naked and about his cock, was it nice? I decided to play with him a little bit based on one of the kinky thoughts I had involving him. My kink about seeing fem boys in chastity is one that I have been known to masturbate to over and over. Daniel had crossed my mind a several times when I masturbated to chastity fantasies pulsating through my penis and my mind. So no, but actually yes, I had masturbated thinking about sucking his cock.

"Did you ever stumble upon any mention of male chastity devices while reading my stories?" I asked, not really sure how many or how much of stories he had actually read, despite what he had told me.

"Oh. Gawd. Yes," Daniel emphatically let out. "The part in "The Seduction Exposure" where you fantasize about being Ronnie's boyfriend in chastity and you fantasize about him fucking you in chastity or he shows off your caged penis to his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend."

Impressive, I thought. He really did read the stories and even readily recalled a scene and the character's name.

"I also loved where your boyfriend's ex-wife Claudia unlocked your penis and masturbated you while he was at work in "Looking for a Husband." Daniel was no longer pensive and sullen as he told me this, his eyes were bright and lively. "Please tell me any fantasies you may have had about involving me."

The nature of our conversation had turned from tones of apology and regret to something more in my wheelhouse, sex. Guess I could have had a little fun before I left.

"Well, let's see Daniel. I can call you Daniel, right? I can't imagine calling you Dan or Danny."

"I love it when you call me Daniel."

Wow, he said he wasn't, but he sure seems gay to me. Gayer than I ever come off in public. As much of a flaming homosexual as I could be mincing around in panties in the closet for another man, and I really did not have very good "Gaydar" in the real world, but Daniel smacked of gayness to me at this moment. Not that I should tell him, but something about him has always struck me as rather gay. Right now, being honest with myself, I would say that subconsciously I had been very attracted to Daniel, though I suppressed it by the fact he was my therapist. I was seeing him to help me with homosexual conflict within myself, not hook up with another guy. No matter, I would be out of his office in a matter of minutes and move on with my life. Where was I? Oh yeah, chastity. I will confess, when he said "I love it when you call me Daniel" that it flustered me a little bit.

"Okay," I continued. "Early on when you asked me about masturbation and inferred I was a chronic, compulsive masturbator, I had a fantasy that I came in here one day and you told me you were going to help cure me of this, but I had to accept the treatment you were going to prescribe. On your desk there was a box. You opened it and pulled out a bright pink male chastity cage. We both knew what it was as you told me "Let's go ahead and put it on". I was freaking out because what was I supposed to tell Katie why the thing was over my penis, and you said I would have to admit to her that I was a compulsive masturbator and bring her in here so we could all discuss it together."

"I guess it's okay to tell you this, now that I won't be returning for any more therapy sessions, that I came in here a number of times wearing panties and stockings under my male clothes. Or the many times while I talked to you about my sex life that I wanted to open my pants show you my penis in my panties and masturbate in front of you. I came close to bringing a knapsack with me one day, excusing myself in the restroom and coming back out for you to see me dressed sexy in drag."

"Anyway, like any fantasy, the same fantasy can have variations every time they cross your mind. The fantasy I just told you about, in it you told me to masturbate one last time in front of you so we could fit the chastity device over my hard dick. You clinically observed me masturbate as I loved exposing myself to you while I furiously masturbated for you in my pink panties. After I ejaculated, you wiped me up with a towel and clinically affixed the pink device over my spent penis, remarking how lovely it was that I had shaved my balls and pubic area, perfect for the new pink cock cage."

"I sat on this couch trying to register the sensation I was feeling from the post ejaculation penis glow, coupled with the stiff plastic device over my genitals. You were standing next to me by this couch, your crotch at my face level. It was apparent that you had a substantial erection as I reached up and began to rub it through your pants. Opening your pants I freed it from your underwear, pulling on it, making it as hard as it possibly could be. Mashing my face into it, I began obediently sniffing, kissing and licking your penis as you told me "good boy". Your hands were on my shoulder steadying yourself as I sunk my mouth over your throbbing cock. I grabbed your legs from behind as I feasted on your cock, sucking you off in loving adoration."

"Masturbators make the best cock suckers" you told me "They suck even better when their naughty penises are locked away." So yes, I did have sex fantasies involving you," I told Daniel who was listening in rapt, wide eye attention. My penis ached hard telling him all this, it must be certain his cock was hard as well.

"The other variation of this fantasy of you locking my penis in chastity was a little more tender," I told Daniel. "You told me to remove all my clothes and you admired me as I lay naked on this couch, my stiff penis tenting in my pink panties. You knelt next to me by the couch and rubbed your hand over my pantie clad penis, softly telling me "This will be the best thing for you, we both know that. Katie will be pleased also, I am sure". Then you brought your lips to mine, kissing me softly, then running your hand across my face tenderly smiling at me sweetly as you continued caressing my penis through my pink panties."

"You pulled my panties down and kissed my penis softly, then slipped it in your mouth. Lovingly you sucked my penis and bathed it and my balls with your tongue, tickling my shaved balls with warm sweet wetness. Returning your face to mine, we kissed tenderly, slowly, softly in starts and stops and you tongued my ear then whispering "you are being such a good boy about this" as your hand continued to fondle and jack on my tingling, tacky, wet stiff penis."

"Finally, as I began to shake, shiver and shudder, you brought your mouth back to my penis catching my ejaculation before it spilled, making me buck, squirting my semen up into your warm wet mouth. The sensation of your mouth returning to my tingling penis as my ejaculation released into your mouth, made it one of those naughty climaxes where a person feels guilty about it, not being sure why they deserved such pleasurable feeling."

"You then returned your mouth to mine depositing to it the semen I had ejaculated into yours. We kissed more hungrily as I swallowed my own cum and your hand continued to fondle my tingly, spent penis. We then lovingly put my penis in the secure stiff pink chastity device, admiring together this new horizon of my sexuality. Then, as is often the case with the repeated playing of a particular fantasy during the mad dash of impending orgasm, the smaller variations to the main fantasy were as numerous as stars in the sky."

"In this tender chastity fantasy, sometimes you were naked, and I was sucking your cock before I ejaculated, before the chastity cage was fitted; other times you were not naked till after my orgasm and chastity cage fitting as you the climbed over my face as I licked your cock and balls as you pressed it into my face;..... with other times after my ejaculation and fitting of the pink cage you were naked on the couch as I sucked you off in my own naughty nakedness;.....or we'd both be naked, holding hands, standing, looking out the windows of this office with you occasionally flipping and fondling the pretty pink cage over my penis, you admiring the result of caging my penis."

"In between our hungry homosexual kisses with me then kneeling sucking you off, with you were amused that people outside had no idea what was going on in here inside by the window with your chastity caged client sucking your cock;.........other times still we were both naked and kissing with the cage fitted after you made me cum so wonderfully and you penetrated me with your cock, fucking me as your own reward of pleasuring me, me who would no longer be masturbating himself behind Katie's back, but now servicing your cock as I had learned to do so well in my closet homosexuality."

"Needless to say," I told Daniel, who like me, I sure had a raging erection as I related all this to him, "needless to say, in the twisted world of my sexual imagination, I've had quite a number of mind-blowing ejaculations masturbating over this chastity fantasy." My bad for going into such detail, as the sexual tension in the air was quite apparent, and our erections because of this, quite stiff.

"Tell me about your boyfriend, I'd love to hear about him," Daniel then asked.

"I really should be going." I replied. "Thank you for everything."

"Tell me a little, please. I won't keep you much longer," Daniel asked.

Whew, I was pretty steamed up telling him about my chastity fantasy, perhaps telling Daniel about me and Rick might diffuse the arousal I created. So, in this atmosphere of sexual tension, I had no business creating, I began to talk about Rick. I told Daniel how Rich innocently befriended me in the coffee shop I'd go to several days a week and work on my laptop, never an inkling he was hitting on me. One day he told me he was divorced and asked me about my wife. When I talked about Katie, and Rick said that I must be a "dream boat" in bed, I started picking up on the 'gaydar' he sent my way. A straight guy would have been offended and told Rick to bug off. With me and my history of gay encounters, I was flattered and slowing started warming up to Rick. Despite how stable things were with Katie, I finally gave in as we began our homosexual affair.

"You said that it was over. What happen?" Daniel asked.

"Nothing really happened, specifically, other than Katie and I were really doing well and it was not the right thing to do to keep seeing him." I told Daniel. "Just as well, I was turning into a little slut."

"Would love to hear about it." Daniel asked.

"Really, I should be going." I replied. "I owe you a lot for helping me."

"Please. Please tell me a little. You know I'm happy for you that you met him." Daniel pleaded.

"Oh....not so sure I should.....," I stammered.

"You know I love hearing from you about your life," Daniel happily encouraged me.

"Let's see. The last time together was, well it was..... was, a little over the top," I went on. "I'd always teased Rick about taking me all dolled up to a gay bar, but we never did. Mainly when Katie went up to her folks once or twice a month, I'd just go over to Rick's, and we'd fool around. This one night he was feeling frisky so he convinced me we should go to the "Iron Horse" downtown. I didn't really have much in my drag bag that I usually brought over to his place. Most of the time I'd just be in a little lingerie when we'd fool around. I did have some stockings and a sleazy short black dress, my high heel sandals plus a bunch of various panties, lingerie, tops, stockings, wigs and makeup that I like being faggy in for him. He convinced me it would be fun, that no one would know me, and no one would care, it was a gay bar after all."

"The bar was kinda seedy in a seedy part of town, but we were having fun and a few cocktails. We sat at the end of a booth, I actually sat on his lap and we were a hit being there. A lot of guys came by and flirted with me in my dress, heels, page boy brunette wig and slutty makeup. Rick was rather amused and did not mind when guys took me up to dance, the place was packed and noisy. The guys on the dance floor were very "touchy feely", feeling me up through my dress front and back, lifting my dress to see me in my pink panties and playing with my penis through them. It was so wild and I was having ball being so gay."

"Once back on "Richie's" lap, I loved calling Rick 'Richie', he was all smiles with my arms around his neck nuzzling his face, kissing and tonguing his ear. What goes on in gay bars does not happen straight bars. If a guy pulls out his cock and another guy starts sucking it, nobody cares, nobody would say anything. Happens all the time, check any gay porn video sites, hundreds of clips of it. So, two guys in leather caps, bare chests with leather harnesses came up to me and 'Richie' and told him he had a cute 'girlfriend' and pulled out their cocks. With all the drinks, noise, fun we were having, it was rather erotic for me to take a cock in either hand."

"These guys were the stereotypical 'leather gay' muscle macho studs, but they were fun also. Pulling on two nice hard cocks was pretty obscene, especially when they pulled me off 'Richie' and told me to suck their cocks. Kneeling there on the filthy floor in front of them I took turns sucking on their big nasty smelly cocks as a crowd around was cheering me on. Guys were yelling "you go girl" or "look at the faggot go" among other cheering and obscenities being hurled at me as I sucked and gagged on these guys cocks."

"It was getting to be too much for me, just physical nature of being on the floor and on my knees when I got back up on 'Richie's' lap and pulled my dress back exposing my pantie clad penis. 'Richie' kissed me and was playing with my cock while these two guys were finishing themselves off over my cock, cumming over my cock and panties, on my arms and dress them pulling me back to suck them clean. It was way over the top obscene and nasty, and while it was a unique if not debased experience, it was a little much for me. Richie knew and we drove back to his place with me playing with his cock and leaning over to suck on it on the way home. We couldn't get in bed soon enough for him to fuck me."

"So that was it," I told Daniel. "We had a pretty good thing going, but things were changing for the better between me and Katie, and I knew it was not right to keep seeing him. Katie's friend Leslie was a big influence on Katie and things were just going too good for me to continue with "Richie".

"Well, I should be taking off," I said, after recounting perhaps one of the most debased episodes of my closet homosexuality, from a "career" of episodes that stretched back all the years of my adult life and before.

We both stood as I got ready to leave. There was a great deal of unspoken awkwardness; awkwardness from what Daniel had poured out to me about his episode with Kenny and how he felt about me; awkwardness with us knowing this was the last time we'd likely ever see each again; awkwardness about what truly precipitated the ending of this relationship from me melting down after he snapped at me from my inappropriate comment; awkwardness from me telling Daniel such a vivid picture of my incredibly obscene fantasy involving him and the chastity device as well as telling him about me and Rick in the gay bar fling.