All Comments on 'Sedated Sister-in-Law'

I absolutely loved the opening statement! Got that little bit about the grammer police out right from the start! I agree some constructive critism is nice but the bashers need to stop. Soon noone will send in stories because of them. I havent thought of a plot like this one or read it used before so i loved it.

Enjoyed all your stories.

i loved your opening disclaimer. I have to argree. english is my nativ e tongue and i can't write it grammatical correct half the time. good for you

That most of the dickheads who complain about the use of grammar etc; have yet to publish a story themselves. So S.T.F.U. until you are capable to joining the worthy ranks of those writers who are prepared to put pen to paper.

Loved your story. You are bolder than I. I had a similar thing with my sister-in-law, V. She laid there sedated. I French kissed her. Viewed and held her 44D's. She had no panties on, so it was easier. I ate her for awhile and even tasted her ass. Left with a huge hardon, and the smell of ass and cunt on my hands. More!!!

Not bold ;-0 just the circumstances - when i saw her dead asleep i couldnt hold on and as soon as i groped her, i knew i must fuck this soft body!! so i jumped in. In reality, i am a shy person.

This submission is lacking in depth. Not only is the story actually short, which alone is not so much an issue, but it lacks build up. Much like an orgasm, a sexual story is best if allowed to start with just a little bit, then a bit more, then brought to a crescendo climax. For this issue I recommend two things. Adjectives and well, adjectives. Build the characters better. Give better descriptions of the five senses and what the characters are experiencing/thinking. Build their motives. Build the scene with description and depth. The more the reader knows about everything, the more they can feel as though they really are a fly on the wall.

I understand if your command of English isn't that good, but to spend 20% of your submission asking for us to overlook it, in better English than the story is written in is unacceptable. Take some time, use a translator app or site and a thesaurus and in just a couple of days this could be an excellent work.

To end with a positive note, the ending is perfect, leaving it open for a sequel, but not requiring one to feel like it reached a resolution. I think if you focus on expanding your scenes with in depth description and character building, and stretch the story out a bit you will do a much better job of engaging your reader. This can be 5* stuff if you try a little herder!

Lame .. fake.. need to do some Research ..

My BF was in the hospital a while back for several days and I missed him something terrible. While visiting one afternoon, I closed the door, pulled the curtain around his bed. When I turned back to him he already had his cock out, I thought he wanted a bj but no, he wanted to put it in me. I got under the covers and we fucked (a quicky) until he came.

I was scared and nervous, afraid someone would come in, but It was great! my baby came hard and I think it helped his recovery.

Your disclaimer was perfect. Editing is one of my skills that I use frequently but I love the hotness of your stories and many others who are not natural English speakers.

You haven't posted in years, but are one of my favorite authors.

2 short