The Politician's Husband

Just a quick one for the weekend.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Landon (Lan) Kelly dropped his duffel to the floor and flicked on the hallway lights to the Silver Springs, Maryland condo he shared with his wife. Lan was surprised to see his wife sitting in the near dark, on the sofa waiting for him. A glass of wine was on the coffee table before her and her red, puffy eyes and tissue clinched in her hand, a dead giveaway that something bad had happened.

Lan was actually somewhat surprised to find his wife at home. Congresswoman Julianna Diaz-Rojas known far and wide as "JDR" was seldom home these days. Since winning her re-election a few months ago for her second term, the Junior Congressperson from Chicago was an increasingly in demand speaker. As the de-facto leader of the "Blue-Crew" of young, progressive members of the House of Representatives, Julia was a much sought after guest for the various twenty-four-hour talk shows that populated the TV universe. Her youth, beauty, passion and eloquence made her a natural for television. When she wore her glasses, she had the sexy librarian look going on and she turned heads, both audience and interviewer.

"Hey, babe, I'm surprised to find you home. What's up? You look like you're having a rough day."

"Please sit down, Lan. There are some things we need to discuss."

"That doesn't sound good," Landon said, as he took a seat in the brown leather chair that had become "his" since their marriage nine months ago.

"WAPO is going to be running a story tomorrow morning that implies that I am having an affair," Julia said.

"Who is the Post implying that you are having the affair with?" Landon asked, nonplussed.

"Speaker of the House Dennis Kilgallen," Julia replied.

"What! You've got to be kidding me. Why would they think that you're having an affair with that asshat? He's old enough to be your father; actually, he's even older than that. Plus, he's one of the most right-wing, reactionary jerkoffs in a whole party of right-wing, reactionary jerkoffs. Why does the Post think you're having an affair with him of all people?"

Julia wrung her tissue between her hands as tears started running down her face. Her anguished expression almost caused Lan's lunch to come up.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! You're fucking that jackass? With all the options you have to be a cheating whore, you choose the one fucktard that is going to blow up your career? What the fucking fuck, Julia? How long have you been fucking him. And who else are you fucking around on me with?"

Landon was as angry as Julia had ever seen him. She knew that he had every right to be upset, but he didn't have any right to lash out at her or call her bad names.

Landon stood and walked through the living room to the powder room. Julia could see him wash his face and then place his hands on either side of the vanity as his head hung down as he took deep breaths trying to calm himself. She really did hurt for her husband even though she knew she was the source of his pain.

"I know we have a lot to talk about but I haven't eaten anything since breakfast. I could really use a burger from V's. We can park over at Langley Oaks and finish this discussion without getting too emotional."

After going through the drive-thru at VBurger, in McLean, Landon parked his Bronco in a deserted parking lot near the George Washington Memorial Parkway. They had an unobstructed view of the Potomac with no one nearby to disturb them. The George Bush Center for Intelligence sat to the their left and behind them. In other circumstances, it would have been a romantic site from which to sit and watch the river.

After they completed their meal, Landon began their discussion again.

"I was in shock when you were telling me this at home and I'm not sure everything registered. So now here we are; in Virginia with a view of the Potomac in front of us and nobody to bother us. Tell me everything."

Julia began her story.

She and the rest of the "Blue-Crew" were pushing forward with their signature piece of legislation. It was a bill that would completely overhaul the healthcare system in the United States. With the Democrats in charge of the Senate and the Republicans in charge of the House, it's almost impossible to get any meaningful legislation passed. And this bill was going to be the most important legislation passed in the last fifty years.

"You know, in the United States we have the best doctors but the worst health care system in the world. We're the most sophisticated country the world has ever known, yet we are fifty-sixth in mortality rate. The fifty-five countries that have better mortality rates than us all have some form of universal healthcare. Somewhere, someone decided that access to healthcare should be tied to jobs. No other country does that! We have this amazing legislation that will completely re-make healthcare in this country and the right wants to block it!"

Landon had heard Julia's impassioned speech so many times that he no longer thought of it as "impassioned speech", but rather shrill ranting. He agreed with her, but privately thought she and the Blue-Crew were tilting at windmills. If there was money to be made by maintaining the status quo, then the status quo would be maintained. He let Julia rant and rave for a moment before gently bringing her back on topic.

"So how does working for the passage of this bill wind up with you and Speaker Dipshit fucking?"

Julia blushed at the question. "It happened gradually and then all at once. We had been meeting for several weeks to discuss the bill. In private he admitted that it was a good bill but that he could not publicly support it. We had a half-dozen meetings over the last three months to try to come to an understanding."

"And did you?" Landon asked. "Did you come to an 'understanding?'" Landon's sarcasm was not lost on Julia.

"Our last meeting was two nights ago. He invited me over to his townhouse to finalize an informal agreement. He could not publicly support the bill, but he agreed that his party in the house would not actively fight it. They would give minor lip service about the cost and lack of choices but they would not fight us. To celebrate, we opened a bottle of wine. When we finished that one, he opened another bottle."

Julia looked down into her hands as they continued to wring the tissue she had brought with her from home.

"I guess we drank too much because the next thing I remember is waking up in bed with him naked. I could tell we had sex." Julia quietly sobbed as she related this.

"So, not just sex, but unprotected sex?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "There were no condoms used. I have Nexplanon, so there's almost no chance of pregnancy."

"And how about an STI? Nexplanon have a pretty could record of fighting STIs?"

Julia sobbed and shook her head as she looked at her hands.

"Okay, you slept with the jackass. Where was his wife while he was fucking you?"

"She was visiting her sister in Ohio," Julia said.

"That was convenient," Landon said. "So how does that get us to the Washington Post having the story?"

"I guess there was a reporter watching his townhouse. They have photos of me arriving in the evening and leaving the next morning wearing the same clothes."

"That's another thing that's pretty damned convenient," Landon said.

"Do you think I was set up?" Julia asked. "Did Dennis set me up to screw me over?"

"I doubt if that chucklehead is smart enough to put something like that together. But someone did." Jack thought for a minute before asking his next question.

"How do you know the Post has the story and photos?"

"They called both of our offices looking for a comment. We denied that anything had happened and then they emailed the photos. They were time stamped and it looks pretty bad. I look like I've been through the wringer."

Landon rolled his eyes at her description of herself. Just what every husband wants to hear, his wife got rode hard and put away wet by another man.

"What's your plan? What are you and 'Dennis' going to do now?"

"This is where I need you," Julia said. "When I issue my statement to WAPO, I need you to issue one as well. You'll say that you were aware that I was staying overnight with Congressman Kilgallen and his wife in their guest room after a late-night meeting. You see, they don't know his wife was out of town. If both spouses issue statements backing us up, then this whole thing goes away." Julia reached over the console and grabbed Landon's right hand and looked earnestly at him. "Everything would go back to normal."

Landon thought for a minute before replying. "If I agree to this, I need total honesty from you. This is the only chance you have for amnesty. I'm going to ask you some questions about some things that have been bothering me. Some things I know and some things I suspect. You don't know which is which so this is your one chance at forgiveness. Do you follow me?"

Julia did follow Landon but she was not happy about it. "What if I don't want to answer a question?"

"Then I don't give a statement. Plus, I inform the Post I'm filing for divorce."

Julia gasped at that. "You wouldn't! That would kill my political future."

"Then you'd better be really fucking honest in your answers," Landon said. He noticed that she was worried about her political future but had not mentioned the effect on her marriage.

Julia nodded in reluctant acquiescence.

"Question number one: have you had sex with any man, or men other than me or Congressman Viagra since we've been married?"

Tears sprang to Julia's eyes as she nodded. "Pedro-Luis Molvano and Brett Atchley." The Yankee's third baseman and an A-list actor. Fuck.

Landon shook his head. "I suspected Molvano because I knew you followed each other on social media. I had no idea about Atchley."

"He had just won the Academy Award for directing. Remember, I was invited to the awards ceremony but you couldn't go."

Lan nodded. "I remember. I had to transport that serial rapist from Richmond to Omaha." Landon shook his head in disappointment at his wife. "While I was transporting a dangerous felon, you were getting your back blown out by some shitstain actor from Boston. A married shitstain actor, if I recall.

"We've been married for nine months. Nine fucking months and you've fucked three other men. Probably multiple times." Landon shoulders slumped. He thought about not asking his last question. He ran the pros and the cons through his mind before making his decision.

"Okay Julia, last question: how did you support yourself through law school? And don't tell me bartender. I know that's what's in your official bio, but I also know it's bullshit."

"Please, don't make me say it, Lan! If we stop now, we can go to marriage counseling and work on our marriage. I do love you. We can fix this."

"Answer the question, Julia. If I know to ask the question, you have to figure that I know more than you think I know."

Julia looked miserable as she stared out the side window of Lan's Bronco.

"Seeking Situations," she mumbled.

"I didn't hear what you said Julia. Can you repeat that?"

"Seeking Situations!" she shouted. "I sugared. There, are you happy? I was a sugar baby. Creepy old men paid for me to fuck them." Julia began sobbing so hard that Lan was afraid she was going to hyperventilate.

"I guess being a sugar baby was good practice for hooking up with Congressman Oldmanballs," Landon said.

Julia started crying even harder at that.

"It's okay, baby," Landon said. "I just wanted to know that you could be honest with me. It's over. I don't have any more questions."

Landon put his Bronco in drive and started for home. As they crossed from Virginia back into Maryland and home, Landon's mouth quirked up into a smile for a split second.

Julia never questioned why Landon didn't ask for the reporter's contact information.

+++

Landon met John Moody at noon the next day at a deli off K Street.

"Marshal Kelly, I'm glad to finally meet you," the reporter said.

"I wish I could say the same," Landon said. He sat down, pulling off his Stetson and setting it down, crown-first on the seat next to him.

Moody nodded, "I can understand that. Believe it or not, I can emphasize with your situation. My wife left me three months ago when I discovered she was having an affair with her married boss. He's still married, she's living in a studio apartment, struggling to make ends meet and waiting for him to leave his wife."

"That sucks. Does his wife know?" Landon asked.

"Not yet. His wife is pregnant. I'm going to wait until she has the kid and then blow the asshole's life up. I don't want to risk hurting the baby."

"Good man," Landon said. "What the fuck is wrong with people? Don't cheat; just leave if you want to fuck someone else."

John, opened his note pad and said, "Hey Marshal, before we begin, I have to know...how does a deputy marshal meet, much less marry, a congresswoman. And not just any congresswoman. The hottest one in DC."

Landon smiled. "At a bookstore. We both have minors in literary studies. We were both reaching for a copy of the 'My Wicked Ways'. It's a collection of poems by Sandra Cisneros."

"Wow, I would have never guessed you for a poetry lover," Moody laughed.

"I'm not," Landon said. "I was standing a couple of feet from her and recognized her even with her Cubs ballcap and sunglasses. I followed her hand out of the corner of my eye and guessed what book she was probably going for. I just 'happened' to reach for the same book as her at the same time. Coincidence, don't you know." Landon smiled at the memory of faking an interest in Sandra Cisneros for a chance to speak with Julia.

Moody laughed. "Smooth," he said. "You've got that whole Raylan Givens thing going on with the hat and the badge and that whole US Marshal vibe; cool and laid back. I have a feeling JDR didn't know what hit her."

"She had only been in office for a couple of months when we met. We dated for over a year and a half before we got married. Her profile kept rising and her ego with it. Sometimes I think she thought I was part of her staff. After a couple of months of it, I shut that down. She apologized and promised to do better."

"And it's been marital bliss ever since, right?"

Landon gave a mirthless laugh as he slid a flash drive towards Moody.

"I wouldn't say that. No, I wouldn't say that at all."

Moody picked up the flash drive and examined it as if he had never seen one before.

"So, what's on this?" he asked.

"Last night, I recorded the conversation between me and Julia," Landon replied.

"Marshal Kelly, I appreciate you contacting me last week. Cluing me in on what you suspected was going to happen when you went out of town was brilliant. When you told me that there would be a confrontation when you got home last night, I had no idea what to expect. But not this."

Moody slid the flash drive across the table back towards Landon. "Marshal, this is no good to me. I can't use it."

"Oh, you absolutely can use it. Without a doubt. One-hundred percent guaranteed."

Moody shook his head. Anything you recorded at home; I can't use. Not without your wife's consent."

Landon smiled, "trust me; you can use this."

"Alright Marshal Kelly, why are you so sure I can use this recording?"

"Because last night when I got home, I was hungry for a Vburger," Landon said.

"Ooookay..." Moody said, confused at the sudden shift. "I'm not following you.

"Have you ever had a Vburger?" Landon asked. "Best cheeseburgers in three states."

"Yeah, they're great, but I don't see what you jonesing for a burger has to do with this recording."

Landon smiled, "Even though there's a couple of Vburgers in Maryland, I'm partial to the one in McLean. In Virginia."

The reporter stared at Landon blankly for a three-count before it registered.

"Holy fucking shit." Moody looked at Landon in awe. "You got her to voluntarily leave a two-party consent state and drive to a one-party consent state and record her confession? Sir, you have my respect."

Landon smiled ruefully, "I'd rather have a faithful wife."

Moody plugged the flash drive into his computer, plugged his ear pods in and began listening and taking notes. Landon began doom scrolling the subject of infidelity on his iPhone as he sipped his coffee.

When the recording ended, Moody shook his head and looked at Landon with admiration. "Dude, that was truly impressive. The things that she admitted to will blow her career right the fuck up. But what about the two of you? How can you stay married if you let me run with this?" he asked, pointing toward the flash drive.

"Stay married? I'm not staying married to her."

"But you said you'd forgive her if she answered your questions. Were you lying to her?"

"In nominee Patri, Et Filii, Spiritus Sancti," said Landon, raising his right and to make the sign of the cross in the air above their table while intoning the Latin phrase; the only Latin he had managed to learn after about a million viewings of "Boondock Saints."

Moody nodded his head. "So, you'll forgive her but divorce her. And blow up her career."

In response, Landon mimed a mushrooming explosion with his hands spreading out, and said, "kaboom."

+++

Landon had turned off his phone as soon as he left the deli, so he was not aware of the texts, missed calls and voice mails from his wife. He was aware that the Post was heavily promoting an exclusive bombshell report for the next mornings newspapers. The promos hinted at something going on between JDR and the Speaker of the House. The promos left every major newspaper and news station scrambling to find out what the WAPO had and how they had it. The phones were ringing off the hook at the congressional offices for both House members. Their staff was blindsided and issuing denials right and left.

Congresswoman Diaz-Rojas was holed up in her office with her chief of staff and Congresswoman Fatima Alemu, the Ethiopian born second year lawmaker from Colorado. Fatima was part of the Blue-Crew and second only to JDR in media impressions.

"I can't believe you had sex with Kilgallen," Fatima said. "How was it?"

JDR gave her friend a sour look. "It was terrible and I barely remember it. He's definitely Irish," she said, holding her thumb and index finger two-inches apart.

"Um, isn't your husband Irish?" Rose Hunt, her COS asked.

"Landon must have some Latin blood in him, because he's definitely not as Irish as Speaker Oldmanballs," Julia giggled.

"Oldmanballs?" Fatima asked.

"That's what Landon called him when I confessed last night."

"I still can't believe you told him everything," Rose said. "As hard as I work to keep things out of the public eye, and you go and confess everything to your husband? What if he divorces you?"

"He's already told me he'll forgive me. We'll start over with a clean state and I'll be the best wife ever."

"Until you're not," Fatima laughed.

"Until I'm not," Julia agreed.

+++

Senate Minority Leader Norman Newman was pissed as he marched to Speaker of the House Dennis Kilgallen's office. 'That goddammed half-wit,' he thought. 'If he really fucked JDR, I'm going to have his tiny Irish balls hanging from my rear-view mirror.'

Norm didn't bother to knock as he stormed into the Speaker's office. Dennis Kilgallen was huddled with Fred Ford, his Chief of Staff, on the $20,000 white leather Ceccotti sofa paid for by US taxpayers. Kilgallen had tears running down his face as he looked towards Senator Newman.

"I didn't think anyone would find out," he blubbered. "This will kill me back home."

Norm had no sympathy. "So, what happened? You thought you'd tear off some Mexican pussy and no one would know?"