All Comments on 'Two Feet Below'

You were right: a story about a truly evil man!

4

Too bad - but that relationship is broken by a malignant external force.

I tried to stop smoking when I was in my late twenties. I never really wanted to smoke, but once I started I couldn't stop. I finally went to a guy who had a brass plaque on his door in a flash part of town who proclaimed to be able to get me to stop by using hypnosis. The cost was astronomical for the time, but I was desperate to stop and he did have a policy that I could go back many times until I stopped (at no extra charge).

I remember sitting in a very comfortable chair in a darkened room while he droned on about how I was feeling more relaxed, getting sleepier, and how when I woke up my cravings for a ciggie would be gone.

~

What a fucking charlatan! While he was droning on in a voice that sounded like some snake-oil salesman, I was thinking how nice it would be to have a fag right now. Eventually I asked if we were finished, and he suddenly panicked and said no, no, don't wake up till I tell you to. I think the poor fool (actually, the fool was me and I definitely was now much poorer) really believed his own bullshit. Naturally, once I got back out onto the street I lit one up and thoroughly enjoyed it, and I never went back. I did eventually give up using a method that I thought was the least likely to work, one that I believed was pure fantasy, but it really did work straight off and I never felt the cravings for a ciggie again. That method was acupuncture (yeah, bloody hard to believe but it did work for me despite how sceptical I was).

~

And now for this story: first off, in real life I think I've read that even if some people can be hypnotised, they still know wrong from right, but what really seals the wife's fate is that hubby TOLD her not to let the guy in or have anything to do with him. She ignored his concerns, AND she never told hubby that she knew the snake from years earlier. I foretell divorce, despite the money and especially if the baby isn't his (harsh but human nature).

~

Good story, 5 from me, and thanks for writing it

Really dark and disturbing.

Interesting new plot line... the hypnosis is dark and not real like projected... few people ever could total will if at all. Not being able to take the psychopath down is also a tough one for readers... certainly hope this is not raac story.

Cannot vote until it is finished.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

"...the county, through some OSHA safety requirements, made it mandatory that all employees of the shelter had to wear closed-toed shoes." -- Okay, for the sake of future story accuracy. A county government office would not be under the authority of OSHA. They like state government agencies are not regulated by OSHA rules. If you are employed by a private business or concern then you are covered, usually.

To much of nothing, it just did not make sense.

I know you said this story could of gone into a few diffrent catagorys

But i would of also considered the BIN

Theodore- "...Among the few final legal things that will take place this week, is a court-ordered paternity test. The results will come to you only...." -- Just how would Theo be able to wrangle a court ordered paternity test? Especially after he is dead? Has he hypnotized his attorneys and the judges too? Getting DNA for a paternity test would be up to the parents of the baby to initiate. Unless he hypnotized the mom to do so? But the lawyers, Theo's sister, everyone who knows about the depraved old man's actions, could put a halt to any emotionally harmful stunts he is trying to pull from the grave.

Not Loving Wives stuff at all. An OK read if you are in the mood to test the efficacy of your blood pressure medication. This storyline's only intent seems to be a cause for anger and resentment towards ol' Teddy boy. Yeah he needs to be reanimated so that he can be killed in a grisly way, then reanimated again. Wash, rinse, repeat as many times as necessary.

Useless creepy writer! Hope ur post edit fails miserably the way you made my day fail miserably reading this faggot shit!

It DIDN'T end! Tale would of been very good until the "unending." Few things worse that authors who post unending tales.

I wish I could give you a zero for the way you ended the story.

If you have chapter 2 post it, if you don’t want to post it while you do other work, don’t post chapter 1

great story, I love a new and very different twist, You dont get that often here. o much black dick stories and we all know y

black guys like to make kids and never see them again. and you get the sissies that like to be humiliated. they say they are storirs but we all know these guys really are sissys. So this story is really what this loving wives is about ans thank you

It's wildly unreasonable to end there, and if you write actual books, I can't imagine they are satisfying if you don't know how to resolve a simple story

Fell flat at page three when the inevitable psychobabble started, nonsense plain and simple.

Gave it a 1 for ending it that way. If you claim to be a writer you know better. The story plot line is a 5 but you undid everthing you wrote leaving like that. If you indeed already had a conclusion it could have been included in more chapters. At least have him sneak a backhoe to the gravesite and dig up the body smashing it with the equipment then burn whats left destroying whatever still existed then publicly expose him for what he is.

Worse than death. No marriage can survive looking at video's watching his wife open his mouth so someone can ejaculate into it. As far as Hypnotism goes, I've heard that you still retain the same sense of right and wrong, so you couldn't be hypnotised to do something against your nature.

Glad I read the comments first and skipped the story. Time not wasted.

Wow! Brutal. Quite possibly the most evil Lit character I've ever read about. Please do complete the story.

Powerful Story, the Ultimate Evil, Complete Destruction of a Marriage, Humiliation of Husband and Wife. Hypnosis is used in such an evil manner. Wife Drugging Husband. Evil Neighbor impregnates wife, Husbands suspicions confirmed. Holy Moly my head is about to explode! Its tremendously complicated plot is slowly explained, Whoa, poor folks, So much evil done to them by this Evil Asshat! Very Well Written. Great Story, Great plot. just need to finish the story before I forget the plot. Great Effort. Mind-boggling potential. Amazing Story and characters. Thanks, Buster2U

Great writing but a rough read because of the characters actions

In I'm not able to write the continuation of the story, but if I were, the summary would be in Marshall's reply to Margaret.

“I don't need Ted's money, even if it's a lot. And I can't raise his daughter. It would be a constant reminder of that man's wickedness and the harm he did to me. Ted said he left instructions to go public with his relationship with Rebecca and ridicule me. To carry out his will or not is your decision. If you do, you are no better than him. In any case I do not accept. And I'm not sure that going public with Ted's sadistic nastiness makes a fool of me. For many people I would be an innocent victim and I would have the solidarity of many. I'm young, I'll go far, and I'll start over. Who will really be ruined all his life will be her daughter Trinity and Rebecca, who will hardly find a man who will want to be by her side after knowing what she did to me.

I don't need therapists, use the money to treat Rebecca and pay for the divorce.

I leave the decision to you, Ted is dead, and he won't pay for what he did, but you, if you decide to ruin me, you are no better than him."

It would be completely unreasonable to end it there. It would make you as evil as Theodore to do so. Finish it or stop writing altogether.

very interesting storyline, but I would find another solution if I were the MC

Your writing is well thought out and intriguing. As always you had a good flow to the tale. However, I feel this one is in the wrong category. You are a much better writer than this one.

Respectfully

JH4Fun

Wow. Well written and powerful. It certainly does stir up emotion.

I'm more than mildly disappointed that you chose to only submit part of the story, knowing the rest will be awhile in coming. That's just irritating.

Powerful, twisted and disturbing which is saying something considering some of the stories in this category.

The ending is atrocious. Letting the reader make up their mind on something that could plausibly go multiple ways isn't feasible here. Having another part but, letting us know we will have forgotten this story by time we see if is kind of inexcusable.

So, we basically have a story that raises a lot of questions. The part of the story that will hopefully answer most of those questions is possibly weeks or months away???

So much conjecture and stupidity. The way the story unfolded is not at all realistic. As if the husband and wife would agree to be separated during the fragile time of learning what was purpotrated upon them by this Ted character. His sister would neve be able to control the husband during the time the DVD's were watched. The husband would immediately take matters into his own hands. As for the ending, it was not an ending. Will I read any attempt by someone writing an ending? NO

So diabolically evil! …very well written. Just pisses me off so much! During another time I bet Marshal would have been a psychopath mass killer. Thanks… I think…

Monstrous. Everything he did was disgusting and selfish. Then there’s the fact that a sexual assault, with a witness who caught it in progress, was let off he hook. The guy should have been on a sex crimes registry.

Good writing, although I have to wonder what’s going through your head to develop the concept and flesh out the story. Anyway I will read the continuation when you post a.

Ugh

Naah! You need to finish it.

At least piss on his grave

Please finish this.

WTF😡 You're just going blow us off and

for how long?

One star for the ending.

I only gave it a 2 because I found the subject matter to abhorrent.

I know that is not the correct thing to do but then you did not give hope of any outcome but RAAC and that I would find unacceptable

Wow... (cookingwithgas without the president's advice, or wishes)...

Your story certainly elicited strong emotions in me, and as usual well written. I seem to be able to escape from reality; while others require real life stories all the time. I knew while reading this one the scoring was probably going to be low, but not here all 5 stars turned golden.

Yeah the moment she doesn't tell me her childhood sexual predator just moved in across the street, that's when it would be over for me. That's blatant subterfuge and also a flaw in this story as why would she willingly put herself in that situation again. Also how could Becca even want the money after he admits to making her take abortion pills 6-8 times. There's too much that happened for it all to be explained away by she was hypnotized.

Way too many words. Get to the point.

So whose baby is it? Did I read past the paternity results?

I’m sorry, but if you make a living as a professional writer, I’m losing respect for the industry.

This was all exposition dump and retread.

Yes, it is VERY dark.

It is also well-written, and I do want to read your continuation to see how and where you take this story. I also think this could become a magnet for other writers like George Andrrson's 'February Sucks' to write endings, based on your invitation to do so.

5 stars for this one from here.

Drak story..., what a MF neighboor sexual predator...

...need to know what happens next...

Dark story..., what a MF neighboor sexual predator...

...need to know what happens next...

Actually no need for a second part, read this story before somewhere not sure if on this site or another but it's nothing new, about the same length and text,

Sorry to burst your bubble, but like maby stories people place on sites like this are stories which they themselves have read in the past somewhere and it sits in the back of the mind, eventually coming out but the writer sees it as their genuine first time story which alas it isn't.

This story was like watching a train wreck unfold. But then you ended the story. Very uncool. Well-written, BUT despicable. 3 stars.

You need to stop letting your MC have no control or any ability to make decisions.

Your MC needs to exert his will to shape his life and possibly others.

You have allowed your villain too much control and that needs remedied.

I'm not sure you have it in you to untangle the knot you have tangled.

Why would the Doctor and the Lawyer allow themselves to be complicate in the blackmail scheme? "Raise my bastard child and stay with your cheating slut wife or I will expose you to the world."

Loved the story, but it absolutely needs to be finished.

Are you kidding me? He should have walked out on the sister and got a restraining order, then get his own DNA test on the kid and if it's psycho's, tell the wife to put the bastard's brat up for adoption or get divorced. It would be hard enough to try and rebuild anything close to a relationship with the slut alone, let alone accepting a psychos offspring. That whole thing about the psycho making his shit public to humiliate the husband, is bullshit! The one's to look awful are the cheaters. This husband has been way too calm. He needs to start a public campaign of his own and go after the asshole's money in the divorce.

As if buster 2u would know anything about a good story. If you've ever been inclined to try reading his trash you know what I'm talking about. And then doesn't have the balls to allow scoring or comments. This was more of the same garbage that typically exists in the LW category. I agree with another commenter, it belongs in the BIN category.

Rebecca was a rape victim. She never consented to any act. Blaming her for what Theodore did is pointless and wrong. We don’t blame victims.

Then the money. When victims die their perpetrator, is it an act of submission? Does this mean the rapist is in control? No. It’s about a financial recompense for the trauma.

Lastly the sister.

She didn’t just defend her brother, she went out of her way to harm the husband. She never condemned his actions, she put on a soft shell.

Her brother was evil and a monster and purposely hurt a woman and her family for no other reason than he could.

Finally. How was hubby so hypnotized considering there were no other suspicions on his part?

Ok, we were forewarned, that was a truly dark story, and very well written. I will withhold scoring until finished.

Doc

very disturbing story but intriguing.

Put me in the category of those readers who won't like that you didn't finish the story. Terrible place to stop, or even pause. Unless, of course, a chapter 2 is promised. What the heck is a 'continuance' anyway? But, a fascinating and gripping story, one that boggles the mind with it's over the top plausibility. Have to remind everyone- it's FICTION!

I usually like this author's work.

Thus us well written. But I gave it a 1.

First of all...no man...when he feels what he felt is going to just "accept" that shit from his wife.

Locked him out if his own bedroom when he tells her she needs to stay away from an evil man?

Fuck that. I'm sleeping in MY bed bitch. I gotta go to work at a real job tomorrow. If you don't want to sleep in bed with me? Then go across the street and sleep with that asshole. And don't come back cunt.

That's it. When a wife starts choosing wierd relationships over her husband? Then there are problems. Big problems.

The biggest reason I rated this so low is also...writing this. And posting. And NOT finishing it. I hate authors that do this. With no end in sight about what going to happen. Worse inviting every fucking dumbass on lit to "take a stab at it". Fuck off with that bullshit.

I mean really. The only option left for this guy is to change his name. Move away to a different part of the country. Change his appearance. And ignore his wife (ex-wife) and her bastard off spring forever.

That's it. Her betrayal of him is comolete. Hypnosis is one of those things that is SO not an absolute. For more than a decade she was completely under his spell? Like she couldn't think for herself? Ever? To ask for help? To tell him she was blanking out? That she didn't feel right?

Sure. She might have been a pawn for the old man's evil scheme. But she was at least half willing to go along with it.

Which as painful as it might be for someone in love...it is still the stark cold wake up call you need to stay away from her and never speak to her again. HOW could a man ever trust his wife ever again? It's impossible.

What if he left a "suggestion" in her brain to stick a kitchen knife in his heart on his 35th birthday while he slept? To have affairs on him?

Yeah. That relationship would be over. Never come back from this. Ever. And I'd warn her.

Do not ever come and try and speak to me again. Do not ever try and email me. Or text. Or write me a letter. Or contact me ever again. All communication will be between attorneys. If I ever receive of or hear any direct communication from you or the evil spawn of a bastard child you have? I will kill you. That's it. I will find you and kill you dead. That quick. Over. And I might kill your horrible monstrous offspring as well to protect the world from his genes reproducing.

And with all of this evidence of how evil he is? Of the things he did to me? To us? With your assistance? I will get off of murdering you with an insanity plea. And no jury in America will convict me for murdering you and/or the evil Trinity.

You are damaged beyond repair for your complicity. For your failure to do anything to protect yourself from this monster. For failing to show any concern for me. For your lack of strength to simply wake up and stop what he was doing. You are a failure as a human being of the most basic functions all organisms have in life. The need to self protect. You are incapable of protecting yourself and those you love. You fail at life. It's probably better if you don't reproduce ever again. Sterilize yourself is my recommendation.

So stay away from me. Forever. Keep whatever you want. And I'd keep an eye on this twisted thing you call a daughter. Chances are good she'll end up a serial killer psychopath. I'd probably lock my bedroom door at night once she hits puberty.

And that'd be the very last conversation I would ever have with her again. No response allowed from her. No reply.

That's it.

Move to a different part of the country. Go to court in the new location and get a name change. Do not tell anyone from your past life. Get a job. Work hard. Stay off of social media. And in 10 or 15 years you might eventually learn to trust another woman again enough to have a relationship. Maybe.

Leave Rebecca now, Marshall. However trusting and naive that you think Becca is, she was not completely honest with you. Walk away now even if the paternity test showsthat you are Trinity's father. Cut your losses.

Have you actually been cooking with gas, or just sniffing it?

First, you say, "I put it in Loving Wives because I felt it worked here best." I'm not sure if you're lying or stupid, but this was clearly a (bad) Mind Control story. Sure, you could put it in NonConsent/Reluctance or Fetish based on what happened, but both elements require the mind control aspect, so it would still be dishonest to put it there. As to Loving Wives, it really doesn't fit here at all.

Next, you don't seem to understand why the Kobayashi Maru was included in Star Trek the way that it was. The unwinnable scenario is great for leadership training, but horrible when writing a story. That's why the inclusion of the Kobayashi Maru included Kirk cheating to make it a winnable scenario. THAT is good story telling, as it has the hero overcoming stacked odds. They didn't include it with Kirk losing because that is not good story telling.

Finally, and this ties into my previous point, you picked a horrible place to stop writing, without bothering to end the story. It's not really surprising, as the Kobayashi Maru you wrote does not allow for a good ending. All you can do is drag the story down further into the abyss of failure. To quote a line from the movie WarGames that describes the Kobayashi Maru and this story: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

Brilliant storyline! Seldom has a story on Literotica aroused such strong reaction from me as a reader. Putting oneself into his shoes... well, what would I do? Probably, clear up the actual paternity issue first. Is then child mine... or the monsters? But regardless, I think I would divorce her. All that pysco babble about "Was his wife really aware of what was happening?" How much aware? Finally, the only source of strike back, since the monster was dead, would be Margaret, the monster's sister. Some months later, she would be quietly dispatched. Revenge has no logic! Yes, and first, dig two graves.

I would also show the wife those videos: make sure she saw what she had done. All those warnings about staying away from the old bastard had been ignored. She knew! She KNEW! (See the effect on me?) LOL. Great story, well written. Many thanks. Yes, I'd like your Part two, the completion. Cheers

I wish I had not read this without a conclusion. It was disturbing and since there is no ending it just gets a 1 star. It should have been posted with an ending. Not a promise of one sometime at an unknown date. You should not have posted this without it.

Just another of your stupid stories. You're just like your buddy Theo trying to manipulate your readers with the nonending to this pathetic attempt at a story.

I stopped read at your bloviating preface.

Skimmed over the 3 pages of psychology diarrhea and then get another unfinished story from you. Hope you didn't hurt your arm patting yourself on the back and telling yourself how great you are.

Pure evil.

Checked the comments. Found it is just another unfinished story and didn't waste my time reading it.

Interesting, far fetched plot, good execution, decent character development, but the hypnosis and psychology substance is nonsense. Still, 5.

Interesting story. Please post part 2.

First, you're one of the best writers on this site. Not only does your body of work prove this, but more so, it's your willingness to push beyond your comfort zone and limits as a writer that sets you apart. THAT separates you from 99% of the writers on this site, most of whom write the same crap and play exclusively to the screaming headcount in cheap seats at the top of the Flavian. Having said that, this one is perhaps a bridge too far. However, if you conclude it, I will read and like it, because people push back against experimental writing because of OUR comfort levels.

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Two things, CWG: get rid of the puking dudes. When he choked back the bile, that was enough. The aforementioned formula writers have ruined that reaction. Also, your punctuation of dialogue that continues for several paragraphs is all over the place. (Punctuate every paragraph up front, close quotes on the last one; close quotes and start over if you have a dialogue tag or action beat ending a paragraph; LIT has a great 'How To' on this.)

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Keep writing... you're good.

More of a "Mind Control" or Non-Consent story than a Loving Wife story. The hypnosis and drugging of the husband is deeply rooted in fantasy and not reality. I don't believe Rebecca qualifies as a victim. The husband was the obvious victim and his best course of action is to divorce Rebecca and rebuild his life somewhere else far away from her.

Please continue to write the conclusion. You are a talented writer. This is a very unique story and I hope the conclusion is every bit as good. Thank you for sharing.

Liked the idea but not the execution. The wife needs be more of a character. She is such a side character that her betrayal? feels meaningless.

People under hypnosis won’t do things they do not want to. Therefor the wife is guilty of infidelity and should be divorced. Hope you end it that way. I will read the last page first, maybe avoiding wasting my time on the rest.

Wow….. great F’d up story. Showing a lot of emotion. Enjoyed it, can’t wait for the continuation!!!

Wrong category

This ridiculous story should be in the non-consent/reluctance category. Once the hypnosis nonsense was introduced I started skimming through just to see if Marshall would divorce her and demand paternity testing to be able to get out of child support. Since you stopped without giving a conclusion I will just make up my own.

Realizing he never really had a loving wife, happy marriage, and Rebecca's child was fathered by another man; Marshall ended his own life instead of living as a cuckold.

You weren't whistling Dixie when you said this is a dark story. Great writing, very engaging.

Very hard story to read, such calculated evil. How to end it? Who knows.

great story.

I have read some of your other stories and liked them as well.

What I don't like is submitting a multi-part story and not have the next part at least ready to submit.

Thanks for your stories.

I agree...So well written. Emotions in just reading the story were all over the spectrum of thought. Sure hope you continue the story. My first thought was how would I react if I faced this in my real life. I very rarely think this when reading fiction. I take that reaction as positive. Thanks for sharing...

Would have been nice to know there are more parts in the intro

Weird. Exceptionally strange. Highly tenuous.

Nope. NO ONE who wanted the truth would spend any more than two minutes with Margaret.

As a general rule I don't like unfinished tales and I especially dislike those where there isn't enough information to at least pick the ending you think the story should have. He has no idea how complicite his wife is or if the sister is in any way telling him the truth.

no ending always rates a one-star score, no matter how well written.

You are diabolical. Not a put down. Just stating my perception. You write a story that invokes the need for revenge against an untouchable individual then you stop writing just leaving the reader hanging on to edge of a cliff by their fingernails. Then you say that you are going to give help but don’t know when. If the purpose of writing is to invoke emotion, then you have succeeded. However, closure was not presented in this story.

I won’t comment on the content other than to say it needs finishing. I will comment on punctuation: there seemed to be a lot of missing quotation marks (“). Sometimes hard to follow when one person finished talking and the other person started.

You must be one sick puppie to write this crap.

I started to get the feeling that you know about this fetish first hand..

Please do not finish this!

Absolutely hate that fucker!! Great writing

Should have finished the story in one posting .

You've got a good imagination, in that the stories you craft are not the typical loving wife tale - I also like the fact that they have some length and depth to them. Since you don't follow the tried and true path, I can't imagine how this will be continued. Is the kid his or the old man's? Is he even know under hypnosis? Is the sister truly sympathetic or is there more, perhaps darker, emotions at play? How much did the wife know - was it truly all hypnosis? I could keep going, but clearly am interested in reading the next chapter when you get around to it. I rated this story higher than the points that it has received to date. I suppose some are scoring it lower since it has yet to move to the next stage. You are good at the writing craft - and I look forward to more work from you.

A bizarre, terrible, and fascinating tale. Really awful of the author to leave it hanging. But the talent behind this is undeniable.

An odd amount of work and planning for such a juvenile and amateurish finish. There is a Mind Control story category you know? The whole premise of the story and the wife's behavior is that she was not in control of her own mind and actions. Hell, she might slit her husband's throat on some embedded command as some point in the future. Or maybe get herself impregnated by some other asshole just so the dead asshole can prove that even in death he has control over this cuck's wife and her body. But of course since she is under the influence of Mind Control its Not Her Fault. So what's the point? Its all just some stupid prurient magic trick. Just like the drug that had absolutely no side affects or lingering after affects. What Bull Shit. We can read about that shit in the Mind Control story section. What a fuckup. Nice punt.

Crap!

You left us hanging. Might post, finish if you want, sometime, someday. Gave it a 2.

The poor scores aren’t really about the quality of the story. It was very well written. The low scoring, not to mention the vitriol in the comments was because of the disrespect you showed to your readers. You had them become deeper invested in a truly horrific scenario, then you just bailed on them. You failed to identify that this was a multi chapter story until the very end. To further your sustain for them you give blanket permission for anyone to finish the story for you! You stated you couldn’t be bothered to finish it because you had a book coming out? That’s hubris!

Sorry, but I scored it a 1* simply because the author showed such contempt for the readers of this story

"I'd put Rebecca under almost every day, asking her if she made love to her husband the night before. When she answered in the affirmative, I gave her a morning-after pill, just to put us on even footing. Even footing..." he laughed a diabolical laugh out loud.

However It takes five to seven days for the sperm and egg to meet, and Plan B is meant to be taken within 72 hours, aka before this meetup happen. and the effects of the medicine known as levonorgestrel will usually last from 7 to 10 days so she would not have gotten pregnant anyway. [google it]