All Comments on 'An Instant Family'

he was 20yrs old and his dad made him move to canada? his mom couldnt stand up for him nor could he write or omfg call back to her when he got there? overall not your best.

Hot and deliciously executed. However, it is unrealistic. He was forced to move back at 20? And then he didn't attempt to find her for another 20 years? It's hard to believe, but the sex and romance were wonderful.

At 20 and in school, some kids are dependent on their families for support - I lived at home on my parent's dime until 22, as I didn't earn enough. I believe I established reasons why contact got lost - it happened to me with a girl I cared about. Sorry folks didn't care as much about this one, but we can't hit homers every time.

Ignore the anonymice. While it could use some fleshing out, it's not a bad story by any means. The premise is great and I love the characters, but I could tell that you didn't really feel it from how we're rushed along the plot points. I got the feeling I was reading a good first draft, rather than a finished product.

Unrealistic but beautiful. I'd be mourning the 20 year separation for sure. Glad it did come out and he realized they were his kids.

Of course Andrea's tongue felt as if was alive. I've never been licked by a dead one.

I hope you continue the story! I loved it!

I'm going to address a few things here for a change.

First - to those who want to leave comments like "rubbish" without telling me what it was you didn't like - don't waste the time to type. I delete them. I don't mind constructive criticism - saying it felt rushed or the person that didn't buy the separation, that stays. But being an a$$ and leaving nothing but negativity helps no one. This site has lots of writers, good and bad, but we all work to entertain.

Second - a tongue itself is not alive, the person it is attached to IS. Grammatically, I was correct.

If anyone wants to constantly berate my work, consider this simple fact - I am simply not an whose work you enjoy. Stop checking my submissions. Most LIT authors get flamers, but I have a simple approach - I get rid of them. After over 450 pieces out here, I'm not going anywhere.

Consider this - I've written over 1500 stories in my career. Not all are going to be gems, but that's a lot of work. Your negativity isn't going to make me go away. It's just going to make me continue and hope I p*ss you off, which I likely do.

I like what I do and I plan to continue doing it.

For those who have supported me for the last 8 years, thanks.

~~BrettJ

I agree being torn away from the love of his life seemed a bit far-fetched but I have to admit at 20 I made a few bad decisions too. Hell, at 59 I still do. All in all a very good story and I think could be taken a bit farther if you want. Has a lot of potential. 5 stars and keep up the good work.

best regards, max052

Great story...love the "twist"...anxiously awaiting Ch. 02 and 3 and....!!!

Now that is the way to speak your piece . I agree with you 100% . It is a real shame that the trolls on this site 1 bomb good stories just to get the score down . I watched 1 of my favorite writers stories a few days ago go from a 4.92 to a 4.86 in one day . Now that is a bunch of horse shit if you ask me . I believe that the scoring system is fixed anyway . If you're not in the loop . You don't have a chance . A good way to stop all of this horse shit voting that is going on in this site is to make the readers log in to vote . If you can't log in for whatever reason you don't need to vote . Plain as that . If you don't like it . Tough shit .

Loved it! Thank you for sharing your story with us!

BrettJ, it takes a lot of effort and hard work to write a story. Sometimes they turnout fantastic, the few that don't, Oh Well! Don't let the idiots stop you from writing and the let the rest of us enjoy your stories!

To anyone who things their story is being bombed / flamed with intentionally bad votes ...

Contact Laurel (site owner) and they can check to see if a pattern is noticeable. If it is, those votes will be discarded and only votes that come from trusted members & voters acknowledged.

I had over 50 stories "flamed" and all of them were restored. I don't mind getting a low score if the voter is honest - or hearing a comment that I feel has merit - but I'm not going to let some moron ruin it for me or others. Those morons know who they are, right?

Thanks again all reading, lots more on the way.

I really enjoy reading a true story line. I like reading the others as well but prefer a little imagination and you did it really well. Keep up the good work.

Damn this was really good Brett!!!!! Thank you for writing it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh fuck you just get better, I just want to suck and fuck till I drop when reading your stuff. Good job that I have a number of beautiful sex crazy cunts to play with. My two live in g/fs and their best friends, four red hot sex crazed cunts. Cunt lapping sex maniac Lanc's UK

it deserves all the bad votes it gets, not enough incest to be posted in the incest area. not enough background no character development piss poor plot and not a very good end all equal a waste of time AGAIN.

Hope there is more of this story to come. Love your writing keep it coming

Would love to read more as their relationships develop. Great story idea!

If I have any criticism at all about your stories, it's just that they all finish too soon.

Short stories are fine, but yours all finish far, far too short. You introduce the characters, set up the plot, it all gets hot and steamy - and then they finish !

Whilst it is good I suppose to leave the audience wanting more, I do wish you would go back over some of your earlier work, like this one, and add another chapter or two to them.

The plots are really good and you've stoked up the temperature, so now go back and add some more to them and bring them to the boil once again: please !

I keep thinking the same thing, great stories. they should be 4 to 9 pages each, not 1 or 2 pages and done. I would love to read the follow up on this story. Brett you are a great writer and I personally would love to read more....

I would have to seen after she said yes that mike take his mobile and called his mom

MIKE "mom i asked her to marry me" paused

Mom "Dont keep me waiting what did answer?"

Ang "I said YES!!"

Mom shouts in joy

Mike " mom mom i still got a bit news for you"

Mom "I dont think you could do better than that news"

Mike "you told me to get lots of grandbabys ?"

Mom " Yeah as many as you can PLS"

Andy "Hello grandma am andrea Mikes and anglea daugther"

MOM shouts more joyous and crys

Andrew " Hi grandma am andrew we're twins"

Mom shouts more loudly

Than you could have the visit to write about

needs more chapters

I really enjoyed the story, even if it was chock full of plotholes in order to perpetuate the plot. Could have used some sex in it though, lol.

What kind of moron PI cant find a list of names?

What kind of asshole wait 22 years to go back for the love of his life?

How is it incest to have sex with your girlfriend who isnt related to you?

If that moron could read he would have noticed the brother and sister were getting it on and so was the son with mommy. Thats all it takes for incest to be included in a story.

Second time I have read this and it is an even better read this time.

but stupid stories with only one chapter

That was a good one but I think it would have been better with a sex scene between them.

Ok story that would have been much better if filled out, possibly other chapters.

Way too crazy of a story for me.

Good short story. One more chapter of family sex would have been just what it needed.

[25.05.23]

Hawt, Romantique, und Zsexxsi!

11/10!!!!!

[255.05.23] pt. duex

I forgot to mention having grown up in SoCal, I appreciate the Ralph's Supermarket shout out!

S?:>}